it feels good sitting here
with my death metal screensaver
and password protection
and word autocorrect c a p i t a l i z a t i o n
switched off.
it feels good to be remembered.


the shower is broken
.everytime i try to get clean
stains the room around me
/this is one of those days everything
feels like it means some
thing else.


why am i here if you can't
teach me how to be more
myself we
have been talking about com
mas for half a fucking hour i
know how to use a comma, w
e read books to discuss what is
wrong with them why am i



i eat all the time
when i'm not hungry
when it hurts
when it's tasteles
s my hands reach
for food like they
used to reach for pens
i need to remember
to miss meals more often
i always wrote my best
when i was hungry
it's like i was always
trying to fill something
a deluge of words that is
how my friends remember
me she forgot to eat and
cut her own hair maybe
i could just cut my hair


was supposed to be about
the boy i ride trains with
in the middle of the night
who talks to me about
tv and sex and living in
university basements
and doublebroken noses and
ghosts and the p l a c e b o
effect - - and i've never seen his
r e a l eyes but i've seen his
home,, he keeps the lights off
and i trip trying
to find the stairs or

i was going to write about the girl
who drives me home from her place
in the morning,
when i am quiet from not sleeping;
who plays good music
but says music doesn't mean
that much to her
but cries at concerts
and asks me questions about
gods she doesn't believe in
and my tongue stumbles over
words it's never had to use
because no one ever asks

(if you can't explain it you don't



who texts me when she's drunk
and wishes i was there
while all i want
is her to want me
the same way
when i am.
but now

makes me think
of hospital beds
and how easily we break
and why do we keep
putting ourselves
back together