I wish I could tell you
"you're just what I needed"

But the truth is,
I can't tell just yet

and I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid
I'm nervous I'm excited I'm afraid

I feel like a horrible person.
I finally feel like myself.
I stripped away the skins, the coats, the layers, disguises,
masks and wigs and makeup
and I'm ugly.

But at least it's really me.

I would rather be real than beautiful.

and I feel so disgustingly real.
I am arms and legs and feet
neck and shoulder
toes and nose
and bones
and brain
and heavy heart

you make my blood pump faster

And the fear in your eyes as your skin touches mine says
we're headed for disaster
But I don't want to stop.
I don't want to think.
I just want to hide,
stay under the covers
whispering your name
and crying cause we both know
things will never be the same

But let's not talk about that now.
In fact, let's slip away
chemical reactions to keep the blues away
a tickle in my skin
my lungs gasping for air as though I'm learning how to swim
without drowning

I'm so afraid of drowning in you
there seems so little left to lose

I want to liquefy
dissolve
I take up too much space
life goes on without me and
I can't pick up the pace
so lay with me
and let me cry
as long as you don't ask me why
I'll tell you things that no one knows
secrets whispered in your ear
it's not imperative that you understand
only that you try and hear
my love is a language with an delicate twist
a twang on your tongue that tastes like a kiss
my lips on your eyelids
I speak in action
my words have wings
they nest in my mouth
and fly away when I open my jaw
resilient and reckless
they soar through silence
untamable truths
opinions, emotions, thoughts passing through
set sail like arrows without a mark
but I can't let them get to you
unfiltered
poison tipped
they'll scrape your skin
and taint your thoughts
don't let them in

but read instead
the words that flow from my fingers
I know it's hard to do
I'm writing in a secret code that's meant only for you
but I swallowed the key
so no one can read it
not even me