I am standing on the road.

I only just stepped on it, but I can tell from my excellent vision God has given me that there are already many bumps, potholes, and even quite a few curves. Even though the horizon displays a gorgeous sunset, oranges and pinks colliding and shining...I still can't help but feel a little nervous and...unsure.

But I guess that makes sense. After all, this is the Road of Unknowing.

I think about how I came to find this road. I've heard many things about it, but I never actually successfully found it. At times I thought it was a myth, a fairytale that I used to listen to my mother tell me as a child. And then I believed the road to be real, very real...but I was too frightened to seek it.

So I remained in a spot I couldn't seem to get out of: A cornfield. It was a very large cornfield, but it had no living corn. Everything that surrounded me was dark, dead. I was the only one in this particular place, and it was discomforting. I tried to find someone else, anybody I knew. I tried to find them in the maze, and I tried to call out names. I heard a few voices respond back, but those voices were only coming to me in waves. They weren't getting to me. So I continued to try. I tried and tried. I cried and cried. But nothing helped. I was convinced that I was going to remain in this cornfield forever.

Depression makes you selfish, depression makes you selfless. Depression makes you sick, depression makes you tired. Depression shuts out everything in your life, and some do seem to forget about you and move on. Depression is an awful weapon, once used my Satan, one that he loves to use because he hates you so much. I was ignorant and let his hate consume me. His hate was so real, so deceiving...and he caused me to hate myself too. He led me into that cornfield, into that dark maze, into what seemed like an everlasting sea of melancholy. He turned me away from my Savior, my Savior that I needed so badly.

But my Savior heard me when I finally called for him. He heard me, and He loved me. He somehow found me in that awful, dark place. I was laying down in the field, crying and not wanting to get up, and finally praying. Many of the people I loved no longer wanted anything to do with me. I found out in the most difficult way. But I didn't blame them. I would have hated me too....no, I did hate me.

Then I felt His presence. I can't begin to describe to you what I felt. Let me try some analogies: Sudden warmth on a cold, bitter day. Blankets on a lone shivering body. The first bite of a rich chocolate cake. The pleasurable sensation of a warm kiss from a loved one. A hug from a person who is in your heart. It was all of these things, except a million times better. The presence of the Lord is an intense presence, one that could never be forgotten, and one that should not be held in as a secret. I felt Him. And I heard him say to me, "Everything is going to be well."

I doubted this, I'm ashamed to say. Though I trusted him, though I was fearful of this sudden power, I saw no way that things could have been well. What a fool of me, to doubt my Maker, my Savior, my true Love. But He forgave me doubts.

"Believe in Me, and believe in yourself."

"I can't do anything."

"Do you doubt me? You are a child of God. You have grace, you are beautiful as you are a creature of God. You can do well on this earth. But to be well on this Earth and the life after, in the Sacred Realm closer than you may realize...you must believe."

I stood up from the ground. My eyes hurt from crying so much, as did my heart. I held up my hands in the air and screamed that I believed. I screamed that Satan could not stop me. I screamed that with the mighty glory of God, I was going to get out of there.

And I did. He showed me a light, high and somewhat distant in the sky. He told me to walk towards it, and when I finally got out of the cornfield, I will have something waiting for me.

And what was that something waiting? A candle. A candle, lit with a flame so beautiful that I couldn't help but bow down and pray right there.

"This is my Light." The Lord said into me. "This Light will never fade. But you still must protect it, for it is something precious. Keeper of the Light, I want you to find others who are grasped by evil, by the sadness and guilt and pity and self-doubt. I want you to find others who are afraid. And I want you to show them this candle. I want them to see my Light."

"Oh Lord...I do not feel worthy...I'm not even sure where I should go."

"There is a long road you must go on. I will guide you to it. You have known of this road, but you avoided it. Now you know of the Truth...now you have the Light to guide you on this path, this Road of Unknowing. Now you know, and you must move forward."

That's how I ended up here. On this road that feels so surreal under my feet. I hold nothing but the candle in my hand. I look behind me and realize how lucky I am to have the candle, the Light, the faith.

I know the Road of Unknowing is scary. I know many are too afraid to move on. I even am at times. But if you trust in the Lord, believe in Him and in His Promised Love, then you too are the Keeper of the Light. Take good care of your candle, watch over your flame...trust in Him...and all will be well. Tough...but well.

And, taking a deep breath, I begin to walk on the road.