STANDING, STILL

Timeless, and ill timed:
In every action,
with every bend,
feel the screaming, demanding
from a deaf audience
of blind ears.
(Am I enough? Am I even I?)Missing the rawness of words,
the burning current through me;
the power, the false sense of truth,
a skilled slight of hand.
It's ticking, unseen clocks
and personal gages.
(Is this right? Is this where?)

Impossible answers,
unsteady steps on new foundations.

Life is fear
balancing truth and knowledge
at the risk,
against the bets.
Searching for valued reward
and spiritual renewal,
in weighted pros and convictions.
All contested and trialed.
All want versus need.
(When is it my turn? My truth?)

Itching and twisting.
devoured by primal needs
against modern signs of weakness.
Still slaved
by a silent calling, ticking:
An obsession to create,
to produce, to start
- but stilled.
(Can I exist without?)

Suspended, waiting,
violently wishing;
an empty spreading ache; Gnawed.
Raw but festering,
insanity pushing in unsettled waves.
Rules regulated, against grain
Forced, need, to wait
and run the mill.
(Is it ever now?)

Impossible answers,
unsteady steps on new foundations.

12/01/11