Taking a Real Gamble
I always looked at those celebrities on the television and thought about how stupid they were for doing drugs, become alcoholics, going to jail, developing gambling problems, and hanging around the wrong crowds. I mean honestly, maybe my perspective would change if I actually knew someone whose life was so messed up, they'd have no choice. Celebrities were rich and famous though, so why throw it all away? Well, my perspective is changing. I am definitely taking a real gamble.
"I bet you forty bucks that I can get three girls to kiss me today!" he yelled to his friends. I was simply standing on the sidelines, a small smile on my lips as I watched them joke around with each other. It was nice to see him to happy, so... himself. I listened as his friends accepted the bet and I turned my head away when he got close to me, his face lingering just inches from mine when he asked me "So, are you going to start it out and give me my first kiss?" His breath smelled like mint and the faint scent of cologne was easy to recognize when he was so close to me. Even though he was my best friend since Middle School, he could still send shivers up my spine. His tousled black hair hung in his face a bit, his features very defined and attractive. Well, at least to other girls. I was a bit fidgety around him, but being a fan girl was out of my comfort zone. There were a lot of things that were out of my comfort zone, and Leo just easily decided to break that barrier and overstep his boundaries. Even though I had set boundaries for myself and I was always against him betting stupid things with his friends, he always managed to drag me into it.
In a split second, his face was so overwhelmingly close; I could feel his warm breath against my face, which automatically heated up as if on command. My thin, caramel brown hair fell in my face a bit and I reached up to push it back to its original position where it hung with a bob cut.
"Definitely not, Leo." I told him defensively, taking a step back before I was up against a wall again, stuck in a corner. He took advantage of the situation and let each hand slip to either side of me, palms against the wall. I took in the stance of his body, how he leaned forward so smoothly, how his frame seemed so strong and comforting. Nope, I am most definitely not a fan girl. There were only a few problems with Leo though that other people wouldn't easily recognize. Problem number one: He never took 'no' for an answer. Of course, the thought had just come to me when his lips were already pressing against mine gently. It was a short, small kiss, and probably meant nothing to him. My heart was beating wildly though and I had to force myself to glare at him and rub my lips, feigning disgust. When I saw his lips pull down at the corners though, my eyes widened. I was about to say something before he was walking away with his friends, bragging about having already gotten one kiss out of the three for the day.
During the day, I couldn't help how upset I felt, along with the churning in my stomach when I saw Leo kiss another girl at lunch. The kiss lasted a lot longer than my kiss with him had lasted, and I wanted to smack him for it...but what would I say? Would I tell him I was jealous? Would I confess everything right then and there? No, I was better than that. He had issues and I had to be a friend, nothing more. I saw his friends throwing money into his hands since it was probably the third girl, which made my stomach turn even more. Now it was doing back flips and front flips and cartwheels. By the end of the day, Leo had earned himself a quick one hundred and twenty dollars, and three angry friends. Well, including me, it'd make four angry friends. In my head, I knew it was just a joke between friends, and a bet, which he made every day. The thing that was bothering me was that it was bringing him a step closer to the way the celebrities lived. At least the way the males lived, getting any woman they wanted. Leo already had two of the problems at this point and I felt awful. Flirting and gambling were not good habits to have, but I allowed them. Maybe it made me feel powerful, wielding his weaknesses. I knew I was an awful person, and I hated myself with every fiber of my being. The way I looked, the way I pushed Leo away, the way I couldn't sympathize with others, the way I manipulated others, and the fact that I was a coward.
"Why do you look so down?" Leo questioned me, spotting me outside of the school. He came over to me and flashed me one of his toothy grins as he started walking beside me. He always enjoyed teasing me, even when he had more important things to worry about. I knew he'd just collapse that weekend and give in to the problems that consumed him. He'd go and gamble away his money, flirt with countless women, and act as if I don't exist.
"Who's down?" I asked stubbornly, sticking to my own pace as I walked beside him, heading away from the school. He was so much taller than me and his shoulders were broad, the wide expanse of his chest inviting and calming. He put an arm around me in a teasing gesture and pulled me close as he smiled and ruffled my hair. My face was getting hot and I quickly pushed him away, forcing a smile so he'd stay away from me. It was probably a mistake, since his expression became so... lifeless when I did.
"If you're fine, then come over to my house today. It's lonely when mom is working." he told me, sounding like a spoiled child who wanted to go and play in the sand box. I couldn't refuse the puppy dog look he gave me though and I sighed in agreement, watching his face light up again. Did he really need me to be there for him? Was he getting precariously close to the edge? The only times he wanted my comfort were when he had major problems, and I had noticed that throughout our middle school years. When his father died, he called me non-stop and came over to my house. When his mother got a new job and he was freaking out, he'd always persuade me to go and hang out with him and his friends. And when he knew he had a gambling problem, he wanted me to halt it. Was I like his personal God or something? I can't do it all...
It was true, his house did seem lonely when we stepped inside. The wood floors were just recently polished, but the home was still cluttered. Leo took my hand and led me up the few stairs towards his room. He pulled me inside and looked down at the floor, shifting uncomfortably. "Truth is... I have a problem, Lana. Please hear me out...." He whispered. I guess it was already starting. It was probably something stupid and completely pointless. Leo pulled out a needle though and a bag of what looked like green, crushed up leaves. The needle was attached to a small thing that looked kind of like a gun or syringe mixed together. He put it to his arm and continued speaking as I watched, horrified. "I wanted to erase my problems.... I wanted to die so badly, Lana... You don't care about me like you used to, and you avoid me sometimes... We're best friends, aren't we? Why does it hurt so much?" His words held a series of questions that I couldn't answer. Drugs? He was getting closer to falling off the deep end, and he had the nerve to even partially blame me? I clenched me teeth and ran towards him, grabbing the needle and the bag, throwing them down on the ground angrily. I think I snapped.
"How could you start this? Do you even see all of those crackheads on TV that end up going to JAIL? Are you blaming me, Leo? I care about you and I can't stand what you're doing to yourself... Go ahead and flirt with other girls and gamble all of your money away, but I can't forgive doing drugs. What's next, drinking and smoking?" I was practically screaming at him and I watched him cringe and flinch against my words, each one spitting out like venom on my tongue. I felt the tears brimming in my eyes and they started pouring down my cheeks. After not even two seconds of crying, I was held in a warm embrace. His strong features were cradling me there, not wanting to see my tears as he squeezed me tightly. "Let me go..." I muttered, starting to pound my fists against his back. He didn't move. I let myself fall apart in his arms, crying all the tears I had never cried over how much he changed. Over all of the problems he had developed and all of the hardships he suffered, sometimes I felt like I was doing his share of the crying as well. He continued holding me there and shushing me occasionally, promising to never make me cry again and promising to stay by my side if I could help him. That was the problem though. I didn't know if I could help him.
"Lana..." he cooed, trying to calm me down. I didn't listen though and I leaned towards him, staring into his eyes and pressing my lips to his. My confession right there was probably the most pathetic one I could manage. My feelings were all pouring out, and he was accepting them. He was accepting my burdens and adding to his own. It troubled my mind and I knew it troubled his, especially after what he said. He returned my kiss and then he broke it to wipe away my tears with his thumbs. "Lana, let's end it all... Let's end everything together. If there was any way I'd want to die, it'd be only with you."
I couldn't believe what he was saying. Suicide? It was actually tempting. Tempting me so much, I couldn't even speak. I moved away from him, just sitting across from him on the ground, bringing my knees to my chest and staring at my feet. He didn't speak either, and it was obvious we were both contemplating it. After sitting there for an hour, my body was becoming numb, but my gaze met his and we knew that it had to happen. End the strife, end the problems before they could go further, and end the burdens that rested on our shoulders. I slowly got up, with his helping hand holding my arm for me, and we started walking towards the door after taking the needle, syringe, and the rest of his supply. We'd go to the place that was our special spot, where we first met in Middle School.
As we walked, bare foot along the cool sidewalk, everyone was staring at us, was seeing our distraught expressions and how strong our resolve was. We continued walking though, mile after mile, hand in hand. We made our way towards the path that led up to the Middle school, where light yellow lilies grew and deep blue tulips were planted. There was a bench on the cobblestone path, the metal painted a light blue to match the tulips and balance out all of the surrounding colors. The deep brown mulch, the vibrant green grass, the oak tree behind us, they were all in balance with each other in this place. I swallowed hard and looked over at Leo before reaching out my hand for his pocket knife, turning around on the bench where we had sat and carving our names into the oak tree. "Leo Simmons and Lana, Best friends, married in the afterlife." It took a little while to carve out, but it was true and it would always remain true for as long as that tree stood. I took the needle from Leo and gave him a kiss on the cheek before sticking it into my arm and starting the first step of many towards our eternity together.
Turn after turn, we injected the harmful drugs into our systems right beneath that tree. It was starting to affect us, make our vision go blurry and our bodies feel weak, but we continued. We were pressing on. We were taking a real gamble. That would be the day our lives ended together, just as they had began together. The leaves on the oak tree began to fall and I could feel one hit my face as the needle fell from my hand and onto the ground, Leo's lips taking place of the needle and pressed against my arm as I slipped into the darkness. Would he really join me? I know he would. After all, we had a wedding to plan.
THE END.