"All right, all right people, settle down," Captain Walker said. "I know you're all probably wondering why we interrupted your vacation for this, but believe me, this is important." The crowd of cruise ship passengers mumbled and shifted impatiently.
"Get on with it!" someone yelled. The captain glared in their general direction.
"This is serious. Now, you've probably noticed security has been around a lot more lately, and I hope you remember that announcement we made about making sure to lock your doors at night. We thought it was best to keep this to ourselves, let you all have your vacation, but… well, we didn't solve things as fast as we thought we could." The captain took a deep breath and announced, "There's a killer on this ship."
The room erupted in shouts. Questions were thrown around, accusations of negligence made, concerns voiced. Captain Walker made a frantic motion with his hands, trying to recapture the crowd's attention.
"Please, please listen!" he shouted into the microphone. The noise level died down a bit, but there were still frightened and angry murmurs flying about the room. "Look, I know you're all angry that we didn't tell you sooner, but we honestly thought we had everything under control. I mean, there's not really any way for someone like that to blend in with the rest of us…." The last part was almost an afterthought, but a man near the front of the crowd sensed some vital piece of information was being kept from them.
"What do you mean, 'someone like that'? Do you have a suspect? Tell us everything you know, or the next dead person's on you."
The captain shifted uncomfortably. "Tell us!" someone else from the crowd insisted.
"Well… from what we've gathered, it seems we have a killer mime on board."
Absolute silence. "This is a joke, right?" some woman near the stage said, incredulous. The captain shook his head miserably. "And we're supposed to be scared of this freak?"
Walker hedged, "Well, apparently he's pretty scary looking for a mime. But forget that. The point is, three people are already dead, and we're still a day from the next port. We need to make sure no one else gets hurt. My head of security is here to tell you about our next steps, and to let you know what you can do to stay safe." Walker stepped away from the mic to make room for the man.
Just then, screams erupted in the back of the room. "It's him, it's him! The mime!" came a high pitched shriek. People scattered, dashing for the doors, but they wouldn't open. The mime in question finally emerged from the crowd, making his way unhurriedly toward the stage, dressed in black and white- the whole shebang. He stepped up on to the raised platform, unconcerned by the security personnel surrounding him, guns drawn. Turning to face his captive audience, the mime made some over dramatic "quiet down" hand gestures before striking a dramatic pose and flinging his coat wide to reveal a bomb strapped to his chest. Raising a handheld detonator high, he showed it off to the crowd before pressing the button with a flourish.
The room froze and time seemed to stop, every soul on the boat expecting to die. But to everyone's surprise (and relief), nothing happened. The mime looked at the detonator in shock. "Awww, shit!" he exclaimed, before vanishing under a pile of angry security men.