Sex, Not Making Love
I Love You
"Yeah, the reason I love you is all that we've been through and that's why I love you." –Avril Lavigne—
Despite the fact that Christmas was yesterday, I woke up with the most fluttering and happy feeling ever. Words couldn't describe how light-hearted I felt this morning. It was as if I was flying on cloud nine while an unknown woman wearing a white cloth draped across her shoulder played a beautiful tune on a golden harper, and then god was waving at me while I flew further up the sky with the most heavenly smile, even though I might have looked like a wasted chick.
I've had sex with Carson before, but hell, I've never wakened up so happy like this. And it wasn't like he said he loved me or anything (though I would not mind if he did), it was just a night of great pleasure. I didn't even know why I was grinning like an idiot early in the morning, it was, after all, just sex. Maybe I was making a big deal about this.
But last night was freaking amazing.
His body stirred beside me and I suddenly closed my eyes, not wanting him to catch me watching him sleep (as weird as that sounds), but I heard him let out a small laugh as one of his arms tightened around my waist. "You're already awake aren't you?"
"No," I answered him with a small smile, my eyes still closed. "I'm still asleep."
He ran his fingers on my bare skin from my waist to my hips. I didn't say anything and merely enjoyed the lovely feeling of his touch on me again before I opened my eyes. I was surprised to see him gazing at me with a meaningful glance, intrigued by the way the swirls of emotions danced in his eyes. I reached my hand and placed them on his cheek with a grin, running my thumb along his small dimple.
I never realized he had a dimple, to think of it. It took years of knowing him, months of having a crush on him, weeks of being involved with the guy, days of falling in love with him, hours of great sex, minutes of watching him sleep and seconds to sink in his perfection to finally realize that he had a small dimple on his right cheek. Albeit small, but it was there.
He grabbed my hand in his and kissed my palm without leaving his eyes away from mine. I kind of thought that it seemed such a tender and lovingly gesture, but I didn't want to think too much on the possibility. So instead I closed my eyes and inhaled his masculine scent and said, "This is nice."
"Sleeping in bed, lazing around, you know...while naked."
He chuckled lowly. I didn't expect an answer from him but he surprised me when he said, "Yes, it kind of is."
Okay, he might have said 'kind of', but he also said 'yes', which quite startled me at one point. This was the same teenage guy who before was nicknamed a playboy, a guy who supposedly said he hated the thought of relationships, the same guy who once slept with a girl after he slept with me, who once didn't like the thought of cuddling after sex and here he was, the exact same guy who just agreed that him lying on bed with me in the morning was nice.
"What?" He asked me at my stunned face. He frowned slightly. "Did I say something wrong?"
I shook my head, maybe a little too fast, and propped myself up with one of my elbows as my head settled on my hand. I didn't want to look into his eyes, so instead I looked at his second best feature-no wait, his third best feature, which was his lips. I couldn't be looking even further down now could I? Well not now.
"I'm just surprised you agreed that the thought of cuddling with me is nice."
His frown deepened. I never knew a frown could look so cute on a guy. "Why would you be surprised?"
I finally looked up and met his eyes. "Well you're...you. You've always hated cuddling after sex. I never thought you would agree. You, of all people."
His gaze softened as a small smile tugged on his lips. This even surprised me more, because he (again, of all people) looked shy.
Carson. Looked. Shy.
Carson Malloy looked like he was embarrassed, and by me. Me! (Yet again, of all people)
"A lot of things have changed with me," he looked down as his cheeks flushed slightly that I had to held back my laughter at his sudden shyness. "And it's mostly because of you, I guess."
I was stunned, yet again. And he was embarrassed, yet again. He was trying to avoid any eye contact with me, which I found quite amusing. Who was this shy guy? And where was the arrogant and confident guy I knew of? It was funny seeing him fidgeting under my gaze, and to top it all, I wasn't even doing anything to make him look this nervous.
"Carson? Are you okay?"
He ignored me and continued with his unusual rants. "I mean, I never thought I could be this attracted to you. You, of all people."
What was up with this 'of all people'? I then realized what he just said and it was my turn to frown at him. "Wow, thanks."
He looked up at me sincerely, but only for a split second before he lied on his back and stared up at the ceiling above us. "I didn't mean it like that. I mean, you were my best friend's younger sister, and I was this dickhead who thought about getting laid all the time. I knew I shouldn't have been involved with you in any way, but you intrigued me. I wanted to get to know you more."
My amusement was slowly fading at his serious tone. He did look kind of embarrassed to say all of this, but he also looked distant and serious. His sudden outburst was shocking me even more that I suddenly felt my heart rate quickening. Where was he going with all this?
"I guess I kind of underestimated everything," he continued on. "I thought that having a sexual relationship with you was going to be easy, but boy was I wrong. It got even more complicated and I think I was the one that made things worse. I was stupid to take advantage of you-well, not that I was. I mean, maybe I kind of was. I...look, I'm not really good saying all my feelings out so...uh-"
He took a deep breath before continuing again. "Well I had the thought of liking you more than my sexual needs, and it really surprised the hell out of me, but...but the thought of not having you in my arms scared me even more."
I stayed silent, too surprised to form any words, as I lied back down and also stared up the ceiling as his voice filled the room again.
"I know I've changed a lot these past couple of days. And I have to admit, I feel like a better person. I don't know...I think I feel happier." He chuckled lowly. "Look at me, I feel like a grown up, admitting all my feelings. And I'm embarrassed. I don't know why I'm so embarrassed...I mean, I've done a confession for you in front of school. And now when there's the two of us, I feel more nervous. It's funny isn't it?"
I didn't join him as he laughed at himself, I was too shock to do anything. It was the same feeling when I found him holding a bouquet of lilies in front of school. But somehow this felt more intense...maybe because we just had sex last night, I don't know.
He turned his head to look at me but I didn't dare to move any muscle. I could feel his eyes on me as I kept on staring at the ceiling. And suddenly, I felt his fingers through mine, slowly grasping my hand so softly. I bit my lip to stop myself smiling like a fool.
"I like you, Maggie. I...uh, really do. Like...really, really like you. Really, really. Really." He squeezed my hand slightly. "Really."
Well that's so many 'really' in one sentence.
He took a sharp breath before saying the words I never thought he would say in a very shaky and nervous voice. "I think...no, I know...I-uh I...well I-" He stopped suddenly before he continued with a more steady voice in a rush. "I'minlovewithyou."
Was I hearing things?
I finally braved myself to look at him, and when I did, I couldn't help but to brake into a grin. He was watching me with scared eyes, a small smile and a face of a lost puppy. He looked so cute and...so not him. And that's why I laughed, very loud might I add.
It started as a soft giggle, and when he frowned at me, I began to bark out a huge laugh at his expression. I didn't know exactly why I was laughing. I might be laughing at him because he was acting like this, or maybe I was laughing because I was so happy that the only thing I could do was to laugh it off.
Carson looked at me as if I was crazy, and I wouldn't blame him, because technically we both were naked under the blanket and he just confessed his love for me.
Oh my god! He actually said it? He did, didn't he?
Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god!
I couldn't stop grinning and laughing that I had to close my mouth with my hand.
Flying to cloud nine was nothing.
This was a huge free fall.
"Uh, Maggie..." There was doubt in his voice and I couldn't help but to laugh louder than necessary. And when my laughter finally died down a little, I glanced at him, he was still looking at me with a huge frown on his face. He still looked like a scared puppy though, which was why I grinned really wide. I was the one who made him like this. Me!
Of all people!
"Carson, you have no idea how happy I feel right now." I practically jumped him, I threw myself on top of him, cupped his face and kissed him with all my might. He was tensed at first, too shocked to process my sudden interest to maul him, but he accepted it after a while. He reached around my waist and kissed me back with so much strength and power. His kisses were always like this, but now I finally realized why they were so intense and wonderful.
It was always full of love.
Maybe I never realized this, or maybe even himself never realized this, but the moment the thought of him loving me, those kisses seemed to be the cherries on the top. I now know why I loved kissing him. I now understand why kissing him was the greatest feeling.
It was because it was always full of love.
Never have I thought this was going to happen, and it felt pure bliss.
I finally pulled away but kept my hands around his face, looking into his deep gaze as he looked up at me like he was proud of me, like he was happy I was in his arms.
"You're in love with me?" I managed to whisper.
He nodded shyly with a small smile and squeezed my hips lightly. "I am."
My grin grew wider. I knew my cheeks were going to be sore by my nonstop smiling, but I didn't care. I was too happy to contain this very beautiful information.
"Do you remember that I slipped in 'I love you' the night of the christmas party?" He frowned for a while before nodding. "I mean it. I love you, Carson. Like...really, really. Really."
He broke into a foolish grin as I giggled. This felt so unreal...so unlike Carson. I never thought he could...change...wow, this was very overwhelming to me. After all that we've been through…
Sensing that I was suddenly silent, he rubbed my back and stared into my eyes with worry. "What are you thinking?"
I softly smiled. "How everything turned out. How we're now a cheesy couple. How...how happy I feel right now. It just seems like a dream."
He flipped me over and was now hovering on top of me with a sly grin. "I'm happy too, and believe me this is real. I can show how real it is."
And he proceeded to do so. He dipped down his head and captured my lips with his, sending me thrills of excitement and giddiness, a sudden shock of electric that showed me how realistic being in his arms was. I sighed happily when we finally pulled away. Oh this was real alright.
"This is the best Christmas present ever...and the best birthday present." I added dreamily.
"Christmas was yesterday, and your birthday's not in another week." He looked at me amusingly.
I shrugged my shoulders. "Nothing can top this."
"Oh really?" He raised his eyebrows with his trademark smirk. I smiled to myself, I guess his usual self was back again. I answered him with a nod before he grinned and asked me by my ear with his husky voice. "What do you say if we go and get some delicious and expensive chocolate?"
My eyes widened in excitement and I was practically cheering even though his lips was starting to kiss my neck. Chocolate, I forgot about my sweet pleasure for too long.
I was about to say what a wonderful idea that was when he suddenly sucked my skin on a very sensitive area bellow my ear. I moaned and arched my back, feeling very dazed so suddenly by his sudden touch. I sighed again.
"Can we melt some chocolate and lick it off of each other's body?" I asked in a dazed tone as my eyelids started to drop.
Carson suddenly stopped and pulled away. Confused to this, I opened my eyes and found him looking at me with a serious expression.
"I knew I loved you for a reason."
He said it with such ease now that I felt the butterflies in my stomach go wild. I bit my lip as he gave me a charming smile before he started giving me kisses. I received them happily, because I knew, I was going to receive them for a long time.
I just want to say how terribly sorry I am that I have abandoned this story, I don't know why but I was feeling kind of sick with fictionpress. Don't ask me why.
I read the first few chapters and thought how stupid I was for posting this story, even though I already proofed read it (miserably might I add), and still spotted loads of mistakes. Then I got angry to myself and kind of stayed away from fp. I know that's a crappy reason as to why I was kind of on a hiatus, but I am pretty crappy in person, so yeah...
I still have to proof read some chapters, but I'll get to those when I have time (again).
I hope that you forgive me because I hate it when people are mad at me. I know I'm far from being a good author, but I've tried my best and will be willing to learn more. If one day I have my occupation as a professional author, I will give my strength and mind to writing. But since I am just a normal seventeen year old girl that will be facing her finals soon, I really have a lot of things to handle.
I've actually finished this story, but couldn't post the last chapter because I feel that the end wasn't quite right. So I started again...and this was what it came up. I'm sorry if some of you are disappointed in me in my lack of time to update, but I really do appreciate all of you, readers and reviewers, for still hanging onto this story.
So I apologize deeply from my heart, and hope that you liked this chapter. Might not be the best because I wrote it when I was messed up and sleepy, but this was really cheesy and fluffy, a perfect doze for an ending, well for me anyway. Please tell me your thoughts on this chapter. Oh and there should be an epilogue, but I have turned this story to completed, because it kind of is. When will the epilogue be posted?
That was a pretty serious talk, and I'm not one to be used to serious talk, so I have to break it off with wishes for you on a merry Christmas for those who are celebrating. And happy boxing day as well, you can shop, or you can just watch football.
And I can't believe this story is ending! What a journey, a loooong journey.