Fairytales Done Right

Remake 9: The Emperor's New Clothes

Once upon a time, there was an emperor. And this emperor was pretty self-centered. Not just vain, but fucking in love with himself. Literally. And the emperor really loved clothes. Because, you know, why worry about ruling an entire country when you can be a fashionista?

One day, two men came to the castle and told the emperor that they could make clothes for him. But not just any clothes- they had a fabric that they claimed was invisible to anybody that was stupid and incompetent. The emperor thought that this idea was just fucking fabulous. Why not walk around appearing naked to half the general population? So, he gave them a ton of money and everything they could possibly need to create a new invisible wardrobe.

One day, the two men called the prime minister in to see the clothes. Of course, he couldn't see them, because they didn't exist. However, he believed that he couldn't "see" them because he was stupid, like the tailors said. Which basically meant that he was stupid. But the emperor couldn't know that, because he would surely fire the prime minister. So, the prime minister told the emperor that the clothes looked great.

Oh, but the stupidity doesn't end there.

After a few days, the tailors told the emperor that the clothes were ready. And of course, the emperor couldn't see the clothes. But instead of thinking, "Hm, maybe this is all a scam and there are no clothes here at all," he thought that he was just too stupid to see them.

He then let the tailors "dress" him in the clothes. At this point, it's just fucking ridiculous. Sure, maybe you can convince yourself that this fabric is invisible because you're a dumbass. But intangible? How do you not feel that there is absolutely nothing on your body?

Honestly. Where is this kingdom full of idiots?

Word got out about the emperor's new "clothes," and everybody wanted to see them. Actually, everybody wanted to learn who was stupid and who wasn't. So, the emperor organized a parade to show off his new outfit, because people apparently didn't have jobs or families or work to do, and they could just drop everything to look at the emperor.

The parade began, and at this point, everybody was experiencing the same train of thought- "Isn't he just naked? There aren't any clothes there! But if I say that, people will know that I can't see the clothes, and they'll think I'm stupid!"

And so the parade continued with people shouting and telling the emperor that his clothes looked great. Even though they were slightly uncomfortable with their king's public nudity.

Eventually, a child saw the emperor and, having no filter to anything, pointed out that the emperor was stark naked. At first, people just assumed that the child was stupid. But then they realized that they were all right in the first place- there were no clothes.

And at the same time, the emperor realized that same thing. However, the tailors had already made off with the money, leaving the emperor in his birthday suit in front of the entire kingdom.

So, what's the moral of this story? Either 1) Don't follow the crowd, or else you'll end up looking like an idiot, or 2) Don't fall for scams, or you will end up naked in front of a large crowd.

Just don't be a dumbass.


I just wanted to say, this story was so ridiculous to begin with that I didn't have to change much. I still can't get over the stupidity.

Okay, I just wanted to say a few things:

1) OVER 1,000 VIEWS! Thank you all so much! To those who have read since the beginning- thank you! I know it seems like this story is never ending, (and trust me, it kind of is), but thank you for the loyalty! I just felt like this note was necessary after this big milestone.

2) Please keep reading and reviewing and favoriting and following!

3) I just put up a new story- it's a romance and it's called "Reasons Why Love Doesn't Exist." If romance is your kind of thing, go and read it! It's still got a bit of humor in it, but I decided write something with a bit more substance in it than parodies :) Go check it out!

Thank you! I promise I'll try to update more frequently!