The Author's Defense of His English Folk Song

The folk song accompanying this defense is not an authentic English folk song, but is intended to simulate one highly accurately. To this end, the Author has noted several characteristics of English folk songs, i.e.:

They all have an inane number of verses.

They all have nothing to do with anything.

When they do have anything to do with anything, it is absolutely irrelevant.

They repeat the same lines over and over (preferably something that has nothing to do with anything. See 2).

They use O! a lot.

They all manage to work love in somewhere.

No one bothered to revise the lines that only work while drunk.

If these seven guidelines are followed, the perfect English folk song emerges.