A/N: Please note that this is from my personal diary, so I didn't care about rhythm/meter and all that stuff.
You think I'm really strong.
God no! I just know how to hold in my emotions for long.
Right now I feel like a clown.
Like I've let everyone down.
But really, I'm the only one, who's affected,
The only one for whom the pain refuses to fade.
Gosh sometimes things get so out of hand!
I can't make a single person understand
That when my world crumbles,
The walls I built around myself fall.
I can feel my heart break as this
Sickening feeling under my skin begins to crawl.
I always knew nothing in my life was permanent.
I tried clinging to everything with all my strength.
But one by one everything was taken away.
And here I am all alone today.
This time it feels like someone froze
The blood flowing through my vein.
This was so important to me,
You can't even imagine my pain.
My heart beating dully reminds me I'm still alive.
From my experience with emptiness, I know I'll survive.
But right now, I'm blinded by this loss, I can't see.
This defeat has completely shattered me.
This time fate clawed at my weakest spot,
Tore away my flesh and made me see it rot.
So now I feel like I'm an empty shell,
Bottomless- like an enchanted well.
I'll keep falling deeper and deeper and more deep.
I'll crash, I'll burn, I'll scream, I'll weep.
And when all is lost,
When I've learnt the cost
Of being misery's favorite child,
When life has made me wild,
That's the time when I'm supposed to pick up the shattered pieces-
Shattered dreams, shattered hopes, shattered wishes.
It's time again to rebuild my world from scratches,
To build everything that life snatches.
I've done it so many times, it feels mechanical.
I can do it blindly, I'm not being cynical.
I'm just tired of repeating this process.
Going through so much of effort, so much of stress.
But never mind, I gotta get to it.
Can't live on forever with aftershocks of defeat.
I always pick myself to blame.
But I think I'm finally getting used to this "build and break and build" game.