Author's Note: Beware strangeness and obscure animated movies. If you recognize every movie referenced, I tip my hat to you.

"You know something?"


"I think any given fairytale characters would totally be jealous of us."

"…Us, as in…?"

"Us us, moron."

"Just checking. Anyway, that's not too high a bar. Snow White made her stepmother dance in hot iron shoes until she died. The Little Mermaid got abandoned in the original story. Sleeping Beauty got assaulted as she slept. I could go on."

"…Jazz. Honey. Hate to break it to you, but you are such a nerd."

"Already established. Moving on."

"Well, I was thinking more about Disney characters. That kind of fairytale."

"Oh. Well."

"Honestly. I mean, think about it. What is the most well-rounded, genuinely happy Disney couple you can think up?"

"Erm…how about Derek from The Swan Princess and Philip from Sleeping Beauty?"

"…As much as I adore Disney crossover slash, I was referring to canon couples."

"You keep changing the rules, Meg, how am I supposed to know these things? How about…Jasmine and Aladdin. They seemed decently well-rounded."

"Wrong! Even Good ol' Jazz and Al would so be jealous of you and me."

"How do you figure?"

"I didn't need a friggin' magic carpet to seduce you. That speaks to actual charm and attraction. Bam."


"You are defenseless against my superior logic."

"No, merely speechless at the implication that you seduced me. I believe it was the other way around, thank you."

"What! Bullshit! What about the time I-"

"I already know what you're going to say. Don't."


"Besides, I orchestrated that one. Obviously."


"Sorry to break it to you. Oh, what about Anya and Dimitri from Anastasia? They were adorable, I thought."

"Nice work changing the subject. And Anastasia wasn't Disney."

"Oh, crumbs. Mulan and Shang?"

"Badass, but still defeated by the awesome power of our love."

"…That was a hideously cheesy line."

"Aw, shut up. You know you love it. Anyway, we beat Mulan and Shang because…uh…we didn't need to almost die multiple times before figuring out the whole mutual affection thing. And neither of us were crossdressers."

"So you think."

"…Don't tease me. You are mean."

"I'd like to think you're more the Eilonwy to my Taran, actually."

"Black Cauldron reference. I love you forever."

"That's all it took?"

"Oh, yeah, and we totally have them beat too."

"Oh really."

"Fer sure. For one thing, nobody had to trick us into our first kiss."

"Fair enough."

"Yeah, everybody totally knows I initiated the whole thing."

"If being about as subtle as a brick to the head counts as 'initiating' anything, then yes, you did indeed."

"…Screw you."

"You wish."

"I don't have to wish."


"HA. And by the way, that's yet another reason—Disney characters are all celibate, have you noticed?"

"Stop talking. Just…for the sake of my poor childhood, stop talking."