A MATTER OF SHAME

Astrid lives a story familiar to many of us: she was in love of someone, but she was not brave enough to confess what she feels, at least not the one she adored so much and so deeply.

But love always lead us to strange places, places we never thought we would visit, like just in front the home of her beloved: Gavin is his name, and she couldn't even remember since how long she was lost in this feeling, but that didn't really matter: not for now, today, the priority was placed in different.

Astrid had decided to tell him all: tell him how many nights she loses thinking about a fairytale that it will never come true, how many hearts she had drawn, how hurtful can be see him with another girl.

"Oh God, what the hell am I doing?" Astrid thought.

She wanted a excuse, and she thought what it has to be the lamest excuse anyone could ever make (at least in her mind): a graduation gift.

Well, the school year was over, and with no Valentine's, Christmas or Birthday at sight, she had no other option.

Astrid knew that Gavin was a fantasy literature fan, and she decided to make him a small gift: a book she knew he wanted...at least, if something goes wrong, she could hide her original intentions, and just give him the gift as a friendship sign...well, that's the plan B...

But then again, to plan is easy, but to act...not so much: Astrid couldn't escape from the doubts, the fears and the insecurities...what if he just says "no? Well, of course he wouldn't be that blunt: he is a young gentleman, but...what if he just doesn't feel the same? Then again, who does? All love starts as love unrequieted, but it may grow, if someone gives it a chance...right?

Now she was just thinking in nonsense: this was not the time nor the place for pseudo philosophical ideas: it was the time to stop thinking, and start doing:

"Gavin, I ... wanted to give you this, and. ..I wish you a happy summer vacations and...I...". Astrid whispered, and even without that guy's presence the girl struggled hardly with all the words she tried to say

God, that sounded even more ridiculous in her voice that in her mind! No, it was not possible to do it: she had spent her money in vain, and she would continue with the angst about not being able to say and confess this and that, but it was an affordable price, and a lot better than the shame of ridicule...well...it was better in her mind.

And with more sadness than fear, she retired: what she wanted to proclaim it will have to wait.

"Surely he would think I'm an idiot ..." Astrid thought in her way home.

Too much negativity for such a young girl, no doubt about it, but who could blame her? Many of us have felt what is like to be in love so young and not being able to make it clear, to confess it, and if you don´t believe me, go ask Gavi...

"Astrid ... I wanted ... I wanted to give you this book, I know you like romance literature and ..I wish you a happy summer vacation and..." Gavin stuttered just in front the home of the lady she loved so deeply, with a book in his hands, using it as a excuse to finally say what he needed to say so badly.

But no: he could not, it was too much for him: he preferred to deal with the lost money, spent in vain, and the angst of not being able to say this and that, but it was an affordable price, a lot better than the shame of ridicule, at least, it was a better option in his mind...