An: This is my third story, I might get this published… Not sure. Please review. WARNING: Cutting, references to suicide, self harm, bulimia, anorexia, rape, drug reference, witchcraft.
Maria was sitting in the corner, like always. Her lunch tray in her lap she cried into her food. Why… Why me? Her brain screamed to just end it, but she was holding on, and she didn't know why. Her sleeve fell slightly as she picked up her tray and walked to the trash can. She looked down and saw her work. The scars that used to be skin was now tissue. The white lines criss crossed down her wrist. The scarlet ones still sting from the last time she was upset, aka last night. As she passed a table her heart fluttered and she saw him. The boy who made her skin crawl and her face pale the one who she looked at and only saw fear. Him. The pictures and memories in her brain flowed in and out while feeling his breathing on her. She had to run, get out of there. The closet was closing in… No, Maria, your in the cafeteria your fine. She shook her head slightly to be rid of the vivid memories. Calvin… Why did you hurt me? You promised that you never would, stupid me… His ice gray eyes, sandy blonde hair and perfect white teeth. He leaned back in the chair arms behind his head. The blue tee and skinny jeans were so hot, well, at least they would be if not for September 7. He looked at her and she whipped around and kept walking. Did he know I saw him? Probably. Why cant I just be normal? Maria, get over yourself… Just do it tonight. Got it? The voice in, my head was right, why live? But, I don't know… I 'm not sure if I want too… All you have too do is cut too deep, duh. I shook my head again, but this time was to clear the voice that taunted me. I dumped my full trey into the trash and walked back to my corner. Why am I in the corner you ask? Well, Sarah isn't here today or she would be sitting with me. Come to think of it Sarah will never be here… Her blade got her, the note on her bed and the blade in her hand. I found her. Her lily pad eyes wide and green, the pupils black and huge consuming the iris. The blood everywhere and her mouth still open, it was terrifying. The bloodstained razor and carpet was a deep red, I heard a sharp breath and I dialed 911. They were too late, but I blamed myself. I picked up her note it read:
Dear Maria and Adelaide, It's time for me to go girls, I know my baby will be in good hands… I hated myself and I needed to go. You were the only two, along with Ian my baby boy, I would even give a crap about. Everyone else couldn't care less about me… So I love you girlies.
Sarah, you said you wouldn't do anything, you promised. Promises, promises… They always are made and broken, at least that's what I think. Adelaide was her little sister, not really, but they were closer than close. Adelaide heard about Sarah and they found her the next day hanging from the shower… Two funerals in one week, and I swore mine was next, but I don't have the courage. Can't I just pull the trigger? Pop the pills? Cut the vein? Take the jump? No. I'm a baby, a tiny little baby. The bell rings and I jump, like always. The clear ring drowns out the thoughts and I have one second peace, then it stops and they flood back. I pick up my books and walk to math, I watch Calvin grab and kiss his new girl, he has a new one each week. Her long blonde hair fell to her butt and her laugh was like a wind chime. Clear and beautiful… I switch my vision to the hall, a mess of kids scrambling to get to their classes in time. I walk up the stairs and I feel a kid brush past me.
" Hey freak, watch were your going." A obese kid looked at me with a sneer of hate. I didn't even know him and he hated me, go figure. I look down and keep walking, that's the best thing to do. My blonde hair fell into my face and I brushed it away. The door seemed to swerve as my pills were starting to take effect. I popped them right before lunch, just enough to take the edge off. Some of the cough syrup I chugged was still lingering in my mouth and I could taste it. I sat down and my vision swerved and my head felt light. Ah, the feeling like everything's going to be alright… The teacher called on me and it was a challenge to think but being a straight A student I figured it out. My speech came out slightly slurred and he looked at me funny. I smiled and sat a little straighter. He turned and kept a lingering look on me the whole time. The bell rang and the day was over, finally.
" Ms. Bradstreet, can you stay?" Really? I was just about to walk out the door.
" You seemed a little… well, distracted. Are you alright?" His eyes fell down to my arms and my eyes widened.
" No, really I'm fine." He glared over his glasses at me, just leave me alone…
" If you have a problem you'll come to me, right?" I nod my head and hurry out the door. When I'm finally out of there I breathe a sigh of relief. My head was still spinning but I was used to it by now. The stairs were sighing and the walls moved side to side, I had to fight to keep my balance. My locker's knob was moving and I couldn't grab it.
" Hey Maria, let me, those pills can mess you up for a bit." I sighed, was it that obvious?
" Thanks Angel." Angel was all I had left, and she was going too. She does everything I've done and more. That's how she knows when I'm high… My locker opened and my pink bag was there, with all my stuff. My razors, homework, pills, pencils, and meds of all kinds were in there.
" Want some?" Her blue eyes looked at me, duh. Of course she does. Her mouse brown hair fell into her eyes while she held out her hand. She never bothered to brush it away, or wear a sweatshirt. She didn't care who saw her pains. Her hands and arms along with her writs were covered in old and new… Angel, why? I should know the answer to that. Maybe she asks you the same question…
" Thanks dearie." She smiled and threw her head back, hand flying to her mouth. She shook her head and her perky smile lit up her face. She was too happy, result of the alcohol she had in the bathroom during third block. I grabbed my bag and we headed out for the mile walk home. Luckily Angel was my neighbor so we don't have to separate. My steps were off balance and I almost fell against her.
" Whoa dearie, how many did you take?" I squinted to remember, um six? Plus the cough syrup? I think.
" Umm six pills, and a vile of cough syrup? I think…" She shook her head and swerved, she was starting to feel the effects.
" Oh, hunny, you shouldn't take so many… A little less next time ok? I mean just enough to forget but not overdose. You can easily OD you know."
" Yeah, I know." I wasn't really listening I was using all my energy to walk straight. The effects would wear off in about a half hour, pretty much how long it takes to get home from here.
We walked through the door completely normal, it had wore off.
" Hey girls… You alright?" That was mom's question all the time since the funerals.
" Yeah, we're good Mrs. B. " Angel covered for both of us and we flew up the stairs to my room in the attic. My room was huge and it had two rooms in one. Angel pretty much lived here so one room was mine and the other hers. In hers there was a bed and stuff, also a box. Full, of razors, pills, and thing like that. Mom never checked my room, ever. She never even comes up here, which is fine by me. I plopped on the bed and Angel went to her side of the room and did the same.
" What are we going to do?" I lean against one elbow and look at her.
" What do you mean?" She looked at me like I should know but I don't.
" Are we going to or not?" My stomach clenched, oh right, tonight was the deadline.
" I don't know Angel, okay? Really I just…" I let my thoughts drift and I start to cry. She comes over and sits next to me, holding me.
" Its going to be okay, really it is… If you don't want to I understand… But I have too, so are you coming with me or going to my funeral?" I lost so many already… Could I live through another one?
" I don't know but I need something right now okay?"
" What is it?" I pulled free from her grasp and I went over to my bookcase. I opened Peter Pan and grabbed a thin razor from the pages. I walk into my bathroom and sat on the toilet. I cry as I slice over and over. I hear her leaning against the door, listening. I didn't care… She does the same thing. Each slice made me feel better, more in control. I got angry and sliced, hard. The blood came fasted than normal and it felt great. I needed to go deeper… I felt an urge to go deeper the deeper I went. When I was done blood covered my arm, shirt and jeans. Oh, well. I went to the sink and washed my arm, wrapped it and opened the door. When I did Angel fell and I looked down at her laying on the floor. Her eyes were wide and those blue eyes were so deep they were almost purple.
" How bad?" I glared at her and she hopped up. One glace at my clothes she widened her eyes.
" Were you-"
" NO. Angel just leave me alone." She looked hurt and she put her hair behind her ears.
" Geez, Maria, I'm sorry…" I look at her with remorse.
" Look Angel I'm sorry, alright?" She nodded and sat down in front of the television that was set on the floor.
" Angel, please, I'm sorry."
" No, I get it. Its cool." Her stare was cold and she started her homework. A bad sign, she only did her homework when she was frustrated. I went to my dresser and pulled open the drawer to throw the razor in. I took off my shirt and changed it, then the same with my jeans. The cuts were there but they weren't that bad. My arms were the worst I've ever done. Hours passed and we didn't say a word to each other the whole time until the food smells started to reach her, then she spoke.
" Hey am I staying for dinner?" She looked at me with pleading eyes and I looked back.
" No, your staying the night." She smiled and we hugged. I hated fighting with my best friend.
" Angel, please don't leave me…" I started to cry and she hugged me tighter.
" I won't, I promise, for real this time. I can't leave you." We stood there like idiots hugging and I couldn't care less.
" Girls! Dinner!" We pulled apart and heard the pitter patter of little feet thumping down the stairs below us.
" Oh, my looks like the girls are hungry." I laughed and nodded in agreement, then we ourselves a little more epically went sliding down the banister. The twins Ezmerelda and Felicity were grinning at the table, it must be their favorite tonight. Angel had twin brothers and I had twin sisters and all four of them are the same age, we say they are destined to be married. Even the twins agree, all four of them, they even paired up. Ezmerelda and Jason then Felicity and Henry, the five year olds are the most adorable. Angel and I being fifteen we are ten years older then them, our parents waited a long time… The dinner table was filled with my mothers everyday cooking adventures. All of us sat and ate, it wasn't weird that Angel was there because she's here all the time, and vice versa at her house. After we finished me and her ran upstairs to get away. We sat on the bed and wondered what to watch: Born to Die or Killer's 911.
" Born to Die sounds good, don't you think?" I nodded and put it in.
" Hey I have to go- uh to the bathroom, okay?" She looked at me skeptically and I went. I turned on the water and filled my glass. Leaving the water on I chugged the glass and repeated until I felt sick. Then I did what I've done for a long time, got on my knees and leaned over the toilet. Sticking my two fingers down my throat I gagged myself and threw up. All my dinner went in and I closed my eyes never looking in. I flushed and let my hair go, stood up and went to the sink to wash up. I brushed and brushed my teeth then rinsing I walked out the door. I jumped when I saw that Angel was standing right outside the door.
" So going to the bathroom, huh?" I was caught.
" Uhhh, yeah?" She rolled her eyes and did the exact opposite of what I thought she was going to.
" Okay, well I was waiting for you to be done, cause now its my turn." I moved out of the way and she closed the bathroom door. I leaned against the door and heard the water turn on, then I turned I didn't want to hear the sickening sound I hear myself make often enough. After a few minutes she came out and smiled.
" Why are you smiling?" She came over and plopped down next to me.
" Because, imagine this, a few months of doing this and we'll be like them." She pointed out the window across the street to two girls jogging. Their tan skin and blonde ponytails were perfect. They looked like they stepped out of a magazine. Then, I smiled too, that was something great…
" Okay, I get it now.." She looked at me her arm around me and we both staring out the window.
" I knew you would. Okay so do you want to make a chart or something to like keep track of our weight loss?"
" Yeah, sure why not? I'll get the markers." I went over to my drawer and grabbed the age old markers I haven't used since sixth grade graduation. We made the graph and got the scale, I weighed 138 and she weighed 135. We looked at the numbers and shook our heads… It wasn't good enough, at least to me it wasn't I don't know about her.
" Well, its better then I thought it was…" I tried to lighten the mood but we both felt inadequate in front of each other.
" I think we need to exercise too, what do you think?" I nodded and stared at the numbers like they were a dead body. We were just in our underwear and bra so we could have an accurate reading and I looked in the five foot mirror I had in the corner. Cuts were carved in every part of my body, and the same with Angel, old and new… I looked down at my fingers and teeth marks were engraved into them. I ran into the bathroom and grabbed my pajamas and then came back out to see her putting on her clothes too.
" Want to go to your house and get your stuff?" She nodded and we walked out the door and headed down the stairs.
" Where are you girls going?" Mom looked up from her book long enough to see us opening the door. As if you really care…
" Just to her house to get her clothes." She was to absorbed in her book to even glance up. I sighed and walked out the door with Angel following me.
" I don't even know why she tries." I sighed and walked into her yard, opening the white gate.
" Well, maybe she'll surprise you someday…"
" Yeah, right." She shrugged and pulled open her front door, her mom was in the kitchen I could hear the butcher knife clicking against the cutting board. The smells of soup and garlic bread filled the house.
" Hey girls, tell Henry and Jason to be a little more quiet, please." The thumping from upstairs was loud and the shrieks of small boys romping was heard. Angel rolled her eyes and leaned on the banister to scream at them from downstairs.
" BOYS! SHUT UP!" The stomping ceased and the clicking of the knife was heard again.
" Angel… Really? I could have done that."
" Then why didn't you?" Angel gave her mom a glare and walked away. If I talked to my mom that way then I might as well go jump in a ditch, cause that's where I would end up anyways.
" Wow, how do you get away with talking to her like that?" I whisper as we walk up the stairs. She shrugged and cocked her head, thinking.
" Well, she's not my mom, so I guess I can."
" Oh, how is she not?"
" Well, she married my dad when I was five and I see my mom every weekend so its not like she's the only mom in my life." I nod as she rummages through her drawers and gets her clothes.
As she stuffs them into a bag I stare at the mirror on dresser. It was slightly cracked in the corner and I could see my reflection staring. It startled me a little that I looked a little creepy and I imagined me trapped, dead in the mirror. I could see my rotting flesh and black eyes, scars peeling away, cockroaches crawling in and out of the openings in my skin.
" Maria? You okay?" I flinch and look at her and smile,
" Yeah, I'm fine." I look back to the mirror and I look normal, am I seeing things? Who knows, probably. She looked confused and freaked out and reassured her I was fine. She went back to looking for her stuff and I stood up and leaned against her bed post.
" You just looked like you saw a ghost or something." Not looking up she talks and I close my eyes trying to think of how to tell her without sounding like I'm a complete physco.
" Nothing its just, I don't know, okay?"
" Yeah, whatever."
" What are you mad now?"
" No I just cant find my stupid goddamn lipstick…" I laugh and help her look.
" Geez Angel, I'll help." She laughs an okay and we keep looking.
" Are you girls staying for dinner?" Angel looks up and yells out her room down to her mother,
" No! We already ate!" She rolled her eyes like her mother should have known that.
" Alright! Just, Angel, be good!"
" Omg! Laura, I get it!" She grumbled something about her step mom and then picked up her bag and we almost ran out the door.
" Why can't she just leave me the hell alone?" I shrug and we open the door and it was locked. What the-? My thoughts were interrupted by two high pitched giggles coming from the fenced in yard. The girls.
" What the hell!? Let us in!" I looked in the window and of course mom was to preoccupied to even glance.
" Come on this isn't funny!"
" Yes it is!" A girls head peeked out from the gate and stuck her tongue out.
" We'll let you in if you will let us have ten bucks."
" No let us the fuck in!" My swearing startled Felicity and she opened the gate being the one who would listen. Ezmerelda is more the one to do things like this.
" Took you long enough." I pushed Ezmerelda on her butt and Felicity ran screaming to avoid getting pushed. We walked up to my room by the back door and then took out our favorite thing to do, the Ouija board. We closed the door and lit the white candles on the floor. The board was sitting on the floor next to us and we put our hands gently on the game. Angel had the notebook to record all the letters and we started to ask it questions.
" Will I marry Kyle?" Angel spoke of her boyfriend that she has been dating for a year. The game piece started to move like all the other times and each time it did that it scared me. I moved to three letters and she wrote tem down.
" It says I will…" I could see her grin in the faint candle light and I couldn't help but be happy for her. I was into Wicca and stuff, but I still believed in God, its just what has God ever done for me? Exactly. Nothing. But I'm not sure what to believe.
" Your turn Maria." I sat there thinking our fingers connected, and I had a crazy idea.
" Is Sarah here?" Angel jumped slightly and I grinned evilly over the board and asked again a little louder. The curser started to move with a little more force and I saw the answer Angel was shakily writing down. It read: Yes, its me Sarah… I wanted to die and I'm sorry, please forgive me and take care of Ian, my love. I died slowly, my blade not cutting deep enough, but I did it… Please help me cross over I can't. I'm haunting you and Adelaide is too. Until you find peace for us we will hurt you, even though we love you we need a way to make sure you'll do it. Please, we won't hurt you if you help us. I will give you a dream tonight and you will do what you do in the dream, understand? I have to leave, the portals closing… Angel was a pale white and her eyes rolled into the back of her head leaving her unconscious on the floor. I screamed and threw the board out the window, the screaming waking Angel. We turned on the lights and they flickered slightly signifying that this time had led a portal to stay in my room. Angel couldn't speak and we were ghostly white. Maybe the board has been giving me visions, I don't know. Angel hardly whispers to me I'm surprised I heard her,
" Did you burn it?" She slid a little farther onto the bed and I sat a little straighter.
" No, I threw it out the window…"
" Oh, well I think we should burn it, it might be better…"
" Yeah, I'll go get it…" I came back to see Angel laying on the floor and my room a mess. Her head bleeding and her eyes pure black. She seemed to slowly breathe and her voice seemed ragged.
" Kill you… if don't help. Got it?" My screaming was heard for miles around, I swear. She blinked and her eyes went back to normal.
" Hey what's wrong?." Then a thump was heard and my world had gone black…