The pain is too much now, I wanna give in,

Cut my wrist; see the bruises in my skin.

Trust me, it doesn't even hurt.

I actually feel better when I tear my skin apart.

I am stressed now, I need a release.

Can I cut myself just once more please?

Just two simple strokes with a blade?

Just bruises, I promise, no bloodshed?

I don't wanna die, I just wanna hurt myself.

When I'm feely really down, it really helps.

Just a few smooth strokes and all my pain is gone.

This is the last time, I promise, this won't go on.

I love the feel of sharp metal digging into my flesh.

I feel new, I feel alive, I feel refreshed.

I know I'm addicted to this, oh, in such a bad way!

But I'm too depressed now, let me to this today.

I tried my very best,

But I screwed up my test.

And now everyone will blame me.

Only this pain can make me feel free.

I'm not drinking, I'm not smoking spot.

I'm just cutting myself open when it hurts a lot.

I'm not trying to hurt anyone else-

I'm just hurting myself when every thing fails,

When all my hopes crash,

When I feel like trash.

It's such a sweet pleasurable torture!

I don't stop, don't even bother.

I'll do it today, I'll cut myself again.

That's the only way to stop this pain.

You say I should go to therapy?

I can't be in rehab, time won't wait for me.

I will have to go on with my life no matter what it takes.

So trust me, cutting isn't such a huge mistake.

It's useless talking to my loved ones, they don't understand.

So I really need to cut all over my hand.

I see my pale skin with bluish green veins.

One stroke far away from them, and no more pain.

When I'm too frustrated to shout,

I cut myself to get it out.

I never cut too deep,

I make sure my hands never slip.

Just enough to hurt but not kill.

You don't know how great it can feel!

*

Stroke, stroke, stroke.

The air in my lungs makes me choke.

The bruises sting so bad!

I'm so angry, I can go mad!

Stroke, stroke, stroke.

For the expectations I couldn't meet, the hearts I broke.

This is getting tough.

But I haven't yet punished myself enough.

Stroke, stroke, stroke.

My skin is yearning for one more poke.

It says 'bruise me more,

This pain is still so hard to ignore'.

Stroke, stroke, stroke.

I let everyone down so… stroke.

I can't turn it all around so… stroke.

They looked so disappointed so… stroke.

My life is disjointed so… stroke.

I can't take it all back so…. stroke.

There's too much I lack so… stroke.

Mom will give me a scolding so… stroke.

The pain is too much to hold in so… stroke.

My test was great, but teacher said I didn't do well so… stroke.

I had a fight with my friends and I can still hear them yell so… stroke.

Each strike

Feels like

Blinding pain.

So strike again,

Every now and then.

When there's too much of strain,

I like to cut myself open.

So stroke, stroke, stroke…

*

And oh God I don't wanna be here!

My mind's getting hazy instead of being clear.

My arm's red,

Now I'm afraid.

I don't wanna do this.

Help me please!

I throw the blade away,

My brain's not working; I don't know what to say.

I'm shocked to see what I have done.

It's like a shot at my skin with a machine gun!

It's so ugly!

Did I do this? Really?

I can't believe it!

My hands are shaking, so are my feet.

I'm scared, I cry.

I don't wanna die!

But there's no blood, so maybe I am okay?

Please tell me I'm safe today?

I won't do it again.

I promise I will tolerate my pain.

*

Slowly I feel better….

Three months and a stressful week later:

The pain is too much now, I wanna give in,

Cut my wrist; see the bruises in my skin……

A/N: this goes on in a cycle. Once you cut yourself, you'll do it again. I had a major problem with this for a while, but I have successfully given up cutting myself. Of course I still feel tempted, like I was feeling yesterday when I wrote this poem, but I have it under control :)

So if you're cutting yourself, I say, be strong, be determined. When you wanna cut your wrist, try writing down something on your wrist instead- the name of someone/something you love, something funny, some inspirational quote- anything! Try engaging your hands in some other activity and throw all the sharp objects away, out of your reach. Don't be alone. Therapy/help is necessary (as people say), but I think the most important thing is convincing yourself that you wanna quit and sticking to that resolve.

Also, remember, when you're cutting yourself, there's a chance that someone else will imitate you when they are in pain. I picked up my habit from a friend. Do you want to do this to others?