The darkest part of the celestial lake of night stirred as Apep, the Horrible Nameless One, floated to the surface, and observed the waters in front of him. Nope, nothing yet. That still gave him to plan his latest assault on Ra and the Gods.
Those fools... HA! They'd NEVER see this one coming! Apep shifted to his smaller, human form, and sat on a rock envisioning it. Truly, this plan was brilliant, and he'd spent most of the day perfecting it till he was sure it was absolutely fool-proof. It mostly involved the use of a small crossbow he had found, and an excess amount of fireworks in Set's underpants... the other Chaos Serpents had accused him of this part being rather juvenile, but they, in Apep's opinion, were simply too stupid to get it.
Sure, seeing Set squeal like a little girl in agony from the shock of multi-colored explosions in a very uncomfortable place might be PARTIALLY a form of personal revenge... but it really was an important part of the plan. And besides! He was those stupid snakes' boss, so they needed to shut up and just did what he said.
Apep looked over his shoulder, and still the Solar Barge hadn't arrived. Hm, odd. It was usually here by now.... Anyway, it would all start out with a sneak attack. Yes, yes, quite cliche, as if every great villain in history hadn't already failed miserably by wrongly assuming that the enemy would just assume they weren't coming. Apep was perfectly aware that Ra wouldn't just not see him and think, "Oh, my my my! Apep must not be coming today, I guess I'll just go along off guard! Lalala..." The gods weren't stupid, and neither was Apep. You see, the trick was to make them think he was coming at a different time than he really was, and THEN...
He quickly whipped his head around again, and STILL no sign of the Sun's Boat. Okay, now THIS was a serious WTF moment. He could understand if they'd be a few minutes later than usual, but the Solar Barge was never this late, it's unnatural.
"Boss," said a tiny Chaos Serpent, poking it's head out of the night water, "Are we, uh, doing that little plan of yours yet? Cuz me and the boys..."
"Silence, you insolent fool," hissed Apep, his snakey accent adding almost a lisp to his S's, "... I do not see them. The gods must be planning a sneak attack of some sorts..."
Those jerks! That was part of HIS plan! Apep dived back into the water, and swam a little bit upstream, looking for any sign of the golden boat that would carry the Chief Sun God through the Duat. So far, nothing.
He narrowed his eyes in frustration, and swam a little deeper into the water and waited. Finally, he saw a large shadow passing over the surface of the water, and grinned. Rushing upwards, he slammed into the object and tossed it onto the other side of the night lake.
"AHA! I GOT YOU! YOU'RE NOT GETTING AWAY FROM ME THIS TIME! YOU TRIED TO SNEAK UP ON ME! BUT LITTLE DID YOU KNOW, THAT YOU'RE..."
Apep saw what he had hit, "... a rock."
The large rock slowly bobbled back down the river.
"... Okay! That is it!"
Apep was annoyed now. He returned to human form, and stepped onto the barren land along side of the river. Putting his face in his hands, a million questions began to swarm through his head.
Why are they not here? Had Ra abandoned humankind? Did this mean Apep had won? Was this just a trick by the gods?
"Boooooooss!" whined the Chaos Serpent.
"Shut up!" snapped Apep, "I'm trying to think!"
Where the hell was Ra? Had... had he actually DITCHED Apep...? Why would he do such a thing? Ohhhhh, that, that, stuck-up SWEARWORD!!!!! He probably didn't take Apep SERIOUSLY anymore! HIM! The Great Serpent of Chaos, the Nameless One, Apophis, THE FREAKING WOULD-BE DEVOURER OF THE UNIVERSE!
"I'll show him!" shouted Apep aloud, and allowed himself a rather childish kick of the dirt.
"Boss..." whimpered that stupid serpent again.
Apep threw a rock at the thing. This was rather rash, seeing that a rock of that size on the snake's tiny body could potentially be fatal, but he didn't care. Apep WAS the demonic-god of all rash, unneseccary violence and chaos anyway, and he was NOT in a particularily fond mood.
"If he's got better things to do than come after me..." said Apep, "Than I'll just come after him!"
So, for the first time since the beginning of time, Apep ventured out into the land part of the Duat.