It's been such a long time; I'm still living a lie.
I'm deviating far away from what I define as "I".
I'm being swallowed by my own darkness.
I am breaking down under so much of stress.
I'm falling prey to devious dreams.
My heart goes stray, it starts to scream.
It's like I'm living another life in another dimension.
The dreams haunt me, bruise me, fill my mind with questions.
Each little dream unfolds in a sequence like a lifetime's story.
All the things I see make sense, they seem like memories.
How they are so accurately like real life remains a mystery.
Anatomically correct, it seems like someone's life history.
The worst part is how my heart starts to long,
Telling me that is where I actually belong.
I wanna stay forever in the happy images I see,
Even if the scarier ones come and grab me.
Sometimes I wanna run away from the danger I face,
But then it gets better when our fingers interlace.
I feel like I wanna live and relieve every moment,
Change things and amend how they went.
The few faces I can clearly see
Continue to bother and terrify me.
All the dreams seem like they're happening now, they're way too real.
My brain's alert, my heart races- that's how strongly I feel.
The back of my eyes burns with unshed tears.
My throat goes dry with too many fears.
Every time I wake up, reality takes too long to sink back in.
I feel a sickeningly frightening feeling crawling under my skin.
It's like I'm slowly killing myself.
But still, I won't reach out for help.
Who is ever gonna believe this?
Spare me the "mentally ill/crazy" tag please!
I don't know what exactly is wrong.
Dreams attack me whenever I'm off guard, but I can't always be strong.
So it'll just have to go on like this.
Till some day when I finally find bliss….