Preface

I have never been considered a "normal" person. I lot of people don't understand me and the way I think. The only person who did understand me was my grandmother. She died in a few years ago. I took it really hard. A piece of me died with her. I have never been the same since. I miss her so much it hurts. I still think of her all the time. I sometimes picture her face, and sometimes I can't. I can almost smell her perfume. Hear her laugh. The pain is so bad. The only thing that I have left of her is her necklace. It wear it all the time and never take it off. It has become a part of me. It almost makes me feel protected. It makes me feel in touch her. I wish my grandmother was still alive though. I mean, my parents are not exactly great. My mother is the total opposite of me. She is pretty, social, and outgoing. Everything I'm not. She loved high school. I hate it. As for my dad, well hes just around some of the time. I feel no emotional attachment to both of them. More so my dad. There just my parents, nothing more. Me and my parents have different... ideas. I think the main difference is I care. Unlike most people in the world. Or atleast where I come from. I'm EXTREMLY hyper sensitive too. About feelings, people, animals, things like that. I've always thought it was weird of me. By the standard of other people I am weird. So if you havn't already guessed I don't have friends. But its okay. My grandmother was the only I have ever loved in my life. I have no one else in my life. Nothing. But thats okay. I just hope I can still get out of this place when I'm 18.

Chapter 1

It started off as a normal day, little did I know it would change my life forever. I faced yet another aggravating day of school.

I have asked my parents so many times if I could be home-schooled. I have the grades; I wouldn't be like those kids who use homeschooling as an excuse to slack off.

Of course my mother would not understand why I would not want to be interacting with the other kids at my school all day. My grandmother wouldn't have let me either, but for different reasons. She would think it would be a sign of defeat. She was strong like that. She made me feel stronger too. I feel like I would be able to do a lot of things if she were around.

I manage to slip by without talking in English, Math, and Spanish. Unfortunately in History we have to give a presentation. I get a B+, my teacher said he would have given me a regular A if I wasn't so nervous when I was talking.

If only he knew how it felt to be standing up in front of large of group of people who already judge you and talk about you without put up in front of them to make fun of me some more. Their stares, I can only imagine what they think. Its hard sometimes, I'm so used to it though it ussually dosen't matter. My next obstacle of the day is going home. I don't really consider it home. I home is a place with your loved ones, or something like that they say. I do love my parents. But only because there my parents, and I feel guilty if I don't. I know that sounds weird. But well, I am weird.

My home is more of an annoyence then anything. My mother thinking that if we spend time together doing girl things it will rub off on me. Since I was three I did beuety pagents. At twelve I was old enough to decide I didn't like it and say it was enough. She wasn't happy about it, but atleast I didn't have to do them anymore.

When I get home she always bombards me with questions like who I hung out with. When I say yet again, like every other day that I don't have friends she just sighs and gives me a lecture that I should get over myself and try to be more friendly. "If only you could be more like how I was Jazzelle!" She basically gives me social advice...

Her biggest thing is if I spent more time on my appearance people would be more inclined to talk to me... Okay... If only it was that easy. Besides, I don't want to hang out with those shallow bitches.

I have so much resentment towards my mother sometimes for doing this. She can never just accept me. I'm not going to be your Barbie! So just get the hell over it! But still, she beleives deep down that I will turn around one day and be the perfect daughter shes always wanted. And I've tried! I've tried so many times to be her ideal daughter but it just dosen't work. Out of all the pagents I did when I was little I never won once. I would practice by myself for hours so I would make her proud. Its never happened though. Shes never given me a hug, and said I'm proud of you. Now I just don't even try, its not really worth it. Its never gonna happen so why try?

When I come in my mother is in her office on the phone, thank god. I hate our little after school talks. Its like the kids at school. You would think I would be used to it, but it still hurts when shes points out all the things that are wrong with me. Everything is wrong me. I was made wrong...

I just head straight up stairs to do my homework. I ussually have a lot to do anyways because I'm in all AP classes. That is one good thing about me, I'm smart. Not that she cares that I always get good grades or make the honor roll. Its not as good as winning a pagent I guess... Well atleast if I'm not pretty, atleast I'm smart and can get a good job. Not like that madders in this house.

I take my time, doing my best to take extra long to finish it all. I even do extra credit because I have really nothing else to do. And I want to avoid my mother.

Ussually after that I read. And read. Books are like my friends. Sometimes I even finish two books a night.

Once I've done all I could of homework I go down and eat dinner with my mother and sister. Oh yeah. My sister. My sister is okay. Shes going through phase where she dresses like goth or emo?. I don't know which one she calls it, but she wears a ton of dark makeup and dresses like a witch. Yeah. Atleast I don't do that. But shes is accepted for it though. Well, she has a group of friends who dress like here as well.

My poor, poor mother. Both her daughters are completely not what she wanted. Me more so. My sister has friends. I have nothing. I also think she has resentment towards me because of my grandmother. She was never as close to her as I was. I don't know. I get that feeling sometimes. My grandmother was definatly not approving of my mother most of the time. She didn't beleive in her frivolousness.

Once we get through the dreaded conversation, we make more polite chit-chat, waiting for my dad to come home. Which he never actually does, but my mom still likes to pretend there is a chance that he'll come home. I feel kind of bad for her, the way she watches the door waiting for him. Its kind of pathetic... but I still feel sorry.

After we finish eating my sister and go eat dessert in the living room. Thank god for the tv. If we didn't have that we would just be sitting there in silence. We never talk, we aren't really that close me and Avery. Closest thing we have in common is that we both are pissed half the time our mom.

My mom is in the kitchen washing dishes when my dad finally decides to show up two hours later then he said he would be. Unfortunatly the living room and kitchen are so close we can hear their conversation.

"Oh, your home! How was work?" Her voice is way too happy. It really pathetic...

"There is some pasta left in the pot... if you want some."

"The usual. Sorry I had to stay late, big project coming up" he replies.

"Would you like some dinner?" my mother asks hopefully. "I can sit down with you and I don't now, maybe we could just talk, you and me."

"Love to, but I think we'll have to take a rain check." Lier. You don't care if you see any of us at all. "I'm really tired and me and Bob went out for drinks after we finished." Of course! When is he not out with his friends after work!

"Yeah! thats sounds great. I'm looking forward to it" I can hear the dissepointment in her voice. I can tell she is trying to hide it though. Its what she deseverse. She wants to have the perfect family, well perfect looking one, she has to deal with the consequences. Although it feels like most of the time she isn't the only one...

"Great! I love ya. Looking forward to it too" Hes such a fake, phony, kiss ass. He bothers me almost as much as my mother.

After her failed attempt with my father, she comes in to see what we're up to.

"What are you watching?" she asks sweetly.

"A show that shows the despicable lack of intellect that is now the face of our society as it goes into a downward spiral" My sister explains.

She makes a face. Oblivously not the answer she was expecting.

"As interesting as that sounds Avery, I think I'll make a few more phone calls and head up to bed." She retreats to her little sitting room, which doubles as an office. I suddenly get overcome with tiredness. Its been a long day. It wasn't particularly bad, but I still feel a little depressed. I head up to my room early. I give a quick goodnight to my mother and Avery.

Heading up the stairs I think of how stupid my family is. My shallow mother and how she cares about nothing more then making our family look good. How she can't except the fact that me and my sister aren't her perfect steriotypical Barbie doll daughters. Shes so stupid, and mean, and pathetic. I hate her so much! And my stupid father. He could easily come home once and a while. He definatly does not add to our shitty family. Avery is just never does anything at all. I hate my family! I hate them so much!

I feel angry and sad. Nobody ever tries to make an effort do they? They only person who did was my grandmother, she was the only one who could hold our family together. My family. I could just scream! I feel the heart shaped pendent on the gold chain of my necklace turn ice cold. The hot tears streaming down my face.

I rush to my bedroom looking for some salvation. I collapse on my bed. I keep thinking about how awful my family is. I think of my grandma. How sad and dissapointed she would be. I wallow in my sadness. The pain starts to swallow me up. I start to cry, kicking and flailing my arms around like a crazy person. The pain is too much. I've never felt anything like this. My heart feels like its sinking in my chest. I scream. I yell. I cry. I act like I never have before. I feel like I'm possessed. I wish it. Its too much. My heart pendent burns like fiery ice. And eventually, it does stop. Slowly the pain fades, and I am left lying on my bed in a heap. Tears still streaming down my face in fright. That was terrifying.

A few minutes later when I have calmed down and begin to relax I get up slowly to see the damage in the mirror. My hair was wild and my eyes red with large puffy cheeks. I peek out my door to see if anyone is around as I sneak to the bathroom. I don't want to have to explain myself to anyone. I splash some cold water on my face and brush my teeth. I go back to my room and crawl back into bed. I try to sleep but I have a feeling after the that I wouldn't be able to. So I got up and went to my bookshelf. I look through my collection of Jane Austin. Too heavy for right now though... Then I look to the third shelf to Alice in Wonderland. One of my favorite books when I was little. I wish I could fall down a rabbit hole that takes me to another world...

I get to chapter 13 before I get too exhausted to keep my eyes open. I let my book fall out of my hand and turn on my side.

I start to dream I am walking down a dark alley way. Something tells me I shouldn't be here. Something is wrong. I feel like there is a force making me go forward. My feet and my brain argue. My feet keep going but my brain says to stop.

I walk a little farther down to see a light at the very end. The force begins to draw me to it. My curiosity overtakes me and slowly I wind my way to see what is there. I am a foot a way from where the light is coming from. I walk closer to see two of the most beautiful boys I have ever seen in my life. There skin was pale like mine, but different. It was like porcelain, real porcelain; translucent like glass. I gasp in shock. They shock too. I get a closer look at them. One was tall with flaming red hair and some of the biggest muscles I've ever seen. The other was a little shorter, but still taller than me. He had jet black hair, it contrasted beautifully against his skin.

The older looking one says to the other and says, "Its her! What is she doing here now?"

The boy with the dark hair just stares at me in horror. I try to run, but I feel I am stuck. It is the most terrible feeling.

He just looks at my necklace and gasps. It flares with heat sending a pain shooting through my whole body. I am so scared. I just want to wake up.

The red head turns to me and says, "don't just stand there! Kill her!"

Okay, now I should really run.

Before I can the dark headed boy walks over to me turning his head towards my neck...

A beep goes off, and I jump up in a cold sweat. I get out of bed trying to shake off my dream. It was only a dream Jazzelle. Only a dream.