It is rumored that it is possible to find complete enlightenment in the fabled asteroid fields of Jinxmyer Beta. This is true. What is left out of the rumor, however, is that this enlightenment generally comes in the form of a large asteroid smashing through your cockpit and sending you into the afterlife, where there is complete and utter enlightenment.

The chimpanzee in the pilot seat of the spaceship Ginger and Spice did not want enlightenment. What he wanted was to get out of the fabled asteroid fields of Jinxmyer Beta, and into some establishment which purveyed bananas and frozen strawberry daiquiris, and where people were well-disposed to those of other species, especially when the other species in question were genetically engineered chimpanzees who could talk. At this very moment, however, he was desperately avoiding enlightenment by piloting the tiny spaceship with impressive skill. He dodged asteroids and the shattered remnants of the ships of those now enlightened while jabbering to himself in garbled Galactese:
"Next time they say, 'Hey, Crunchy, let's go see the asteroids!', I'll tell 'em what to do. I'll tell 'em-" But here the chimp was interrupted by a narrow miss by a particularly large clump of enlightenment. He squawked indignantly, and removed both hands from the small rudder control to gesticulate wildly, crazily, and in a remonstrating way at the world in general. This reproof accomplished, he resumed piloting the good ship Ginger and Spice to safety. Executing barrel rolls, swoops, and dives with perfection, he finally exited the asteroid field with the ship still in one piece.

The engine of Ginger and Spice decided that this was a good time to take a nap after the excruciating agony of powering the ship for two hours, and promptly turned off. Crunchy groaned and rolled his eyes. When this did not help, he screeched and violently beat the control panel with his balled fists, simultaneously ejecting waste into space, turning on the galacto-radio, and winning the 5-D solitaire game that had remained unbeaten for three days.

The galacto-radio began broadcasting in the middle of a horrendous musical catastrophe - the transmission of a new hit single. The disturbing sound of mega-music-star Jinstan Threeber's newest crooning super-hit "Crazy About You, and You, and Maybe Even You" filtering through the entire ship was enough to awaken the other two inhabitants. The fact that they had managed to stay asleep during the hazardous trip through the asteroid field was a testament to their subconscious ability to ignore danger. But all Jinstan Threeber songs were proven capable of wakening the dead, and the two humans on board Ginger and Spice (who weren't even dead) were startled awake.

One of them came barging into the tiny cockpit, half-awake and confused. He was a human, a little over thirty years old, with a wise but world-weary face. His eyes were a deep blue, almost black, and his mouth curved downwards in a perpetual frown. His lank frame and thin, messy black hair gave him the appearance of a pessimistic but wise scarecrow brought to life and sent forth to seek its fortune in the world. His quick entrance showed his worry, while his frowning face seemed impassive. This was Gideon Manic, an eccentric but clever man renowned for his invention of a game called "Gideon's Galactic Gobble Game", which involved bringing live emus to dinner parties, drinking a lot, and then writing novels about the experience. It was quite a popular game.

"What's going on, Crunchy? And what is that terrible noise?" He yelled, trying to make himself heard over the horrific cacophony.

Crunchy shrugged.
"Dunno, Gid. Ginger started dyin' on us, there was an asteroid shower, and we had to git out o' there fast. Then Ginger just died, an' the radio's on."
The man stared at Crunchy. Thanks to the noise produced by the radio, he had heard nothing that Crunchy had said. He leaned over the chimp, and turned off the galacto-radio, cutting off Jinstan in mid-note. Now that the terrifying caterwauling of the super-star was no longer destroying the eardrums and minds of the listeners, they were able to speak quietly.

"What did you say?" The man asked.

Crunchy rolled his eyes, and repeated what he had said. The man nodded; then he sighed, and began to walk hurriedly towards the engine room of Ginger and Spice. His footsteps echoed along the narrow hallway that connected the six different rooms of the ship. As Gideon approached the engine room, the electric door swung open with an appropriately futuristic sounding swoosh. But he found that the engine room was already occupied, by the third member of the crew. A young girl, approximately sixteen, was hard at work on the single engine that powered the little spacecraft. She looked up at the sound of the door, nodding a welcome to Gideon as he entered. She gestured with a wrench in a haphazard wave, saying, "Hey, Gid, just tryin' to figure out the reason why the engine died – apart from it bein' a piece of junk since the day it was made."

The engine gave a prolonged whine in protest. The girl hit it with the wrench, and the whine subsided reluctantly. She continued, as though nothing had happened. "But I've been talkin' to it, and I think it needs to have the starboard rotary actuator coupling monolith replaced."

Gideon nodded several times rapidly, a vacant expression on his face – his mind was elsewhere. The girl waved the wrench around half-heartedly, trying to attract his attention, but it failed. Gideon stared fixedly at the engine, his mouth forming words, but no sound came from his lips. The girl sighed, rolled her eyes, and called out, "Crunchy! Gid needs his pills!"
There came an answering shriek from the cockpit, and soon Crunchy came bounding in the engine room, sarcastically muttering to himself as usual. "'Gid needs his pills', she says. Well, ain't that dandy. It's a privilege to carry his medicinals, o' course, and good ol' Crunchy is just the chap to do the dirty work, huh?"
He handed the pill box over. The box was completely black except for the initials G.Y.M. printed in gold on the front. It was a few inches in length. It swung on two gold-colored hinges, and when opened, revealed three ordinary-looking pills lying on a bed of purple velvet. The girl grabbed the pills and threw them into Gideon's open mouth. Gideon promptly fainted, and stretched his long, lanky figure on the ground in an elegant free-fall.

Crunchy chuckled maliciously. "Looks like the pills didn't do any good, eh?"
The girl fixed him with a glare, her wrench wavering a few inches from Crunchy's nose. Crunchy backed off, waving his paws in a placatory manner. "Lookie, lil' Etta, didn't mean anythin' by it. I love Gid, really I do."
He protested frantically. But it was clearly not sincere – there was a glint of merriment in his eyes. Etta gestured towards the door, and Crunchy promptly exited, but not before singing the refrain of a wildly famous chimpanzee pop song, "Silly ol' humans ain't got no brains."

Coincidentally, that same song was being sung in a talking-chimpanzee friendly bar on the third planet orbiting a star in the Beta Beta Zeta Star System (the inhabitants of the star system were mainly Greek ex-pats whose love of the mother tongue had caused them to name everything after letters in their alphabet; the most popular bar in the whole system was the Alpha-Beta-Gamma-Delta-Epsilon-Zeta-Eta-Theta-Iota-Kappa-Lambda-Mu-Nu Drinking Establishment). This bar, however, was not named after letters in the Greek alphabet. This bar was named "The Flowering Banana Tree Lodge and Daiquiri Casino". Its proprietor was a chimp by the name of Belonius Hunk – a retired zip-hop DJ and Kappa Gamma Omicron General of the Ex-patricians' Army of the Greek Motherland. Although not a Greek ex-pat, Belonius sympathized with the Grecians, and had served as a general in their Psi Army Corps. Currently Belonius was sitting at a table in the corner of his bar, speaking with another chimp, who was dressed in a flowing black robe with a hood cast over his face.

"It is time for the revolution." The mysterious chimp insisted violently. "We have born this injustice long enough."

"I don't know... I've been in war, and believe me, it doesn't get any results." Belonius cautioned.

"Regardless, this is a travesty. We must right this wrong." The hooded chimp continued. "Just think of the injustice! The only prime-time Chimp 5-D hologram show! And it wasn't brought back for season 5! The horror!"

Everyone has something worth dying for.