Epilogue

Unexpected

I never thought my life would turn out this way.

I always envisioned myself going through high school being the usual anti-social teen that I was before I met Xander. I always thought I'd end up working two jobs just to pay off my college tuition like any other undergrad student. Hell, I didn't even think I would live long enough to attend college. So I guess you could say I was flabbergasted when I celebrated my twenty-fourth birthday just recently, huh? Well, it was predictable, you know, being with Xander and whatnot. I think I was astonished when I received a four-year scholarship to Cambridge University for 'having a gift as an artist.'

I never thought life after high school could get any better. Moving out of my parents' house had to be one of the most difficult decisions I ever made. I didn't regret it, however. Why would I regret giving up a life with my parents to be with the one I loved? Since then, everything had seemed to be on point. My parents and I have seen eye to eye since the day I left and I couldn't be happier that our relationship has only progressed. My mother gave birth to a little boy nine months later and named him Marcus Bryce. He's a cute kid, I'll give him that, and I don't know if it's a good thing but he looks nothing like me. He's a spitting image of my father. Don't get me wrong, he's still my brother and I love him to death.

A month before Xander graduated, he and his band had gone their separate ways. Xander told me that Sterling had developed a selfish attitude, which apparently drove the band away. Xander didn't seem too upset about it, I guess I could say. Since he went solo after graduation, he's produced over 12 albums and had sold over 20 million copies within five years. His manager had booked multiple shows in Europe so our move to England worked out for the best. Music was his life and that was fine with me. I was willing to follow Xander wherever he went. After all, eight years ago, I would have never thought I'd be here in London living in a town house with the one I fell in love with.

However, dedicating your life to your beloved comes with consequences. Take Kate, for example. She was my best friend and I loved her to pieces, but I couldn't find the will to tell her I had received a scholarship and that the school was all the way across the ocean in England. The last time I spoke to her was the night before I left California for good.

I had to swallow my nerves as I approached Kate's door. My palms were sweaty and I felt like the sun was blaring down directly at me making the temperate 50 degrees warmer. She wasn't going to like this decision and the hard lump in my throat was a temporary reminder that this conversation wouldn't end on a happy note. But when you're in love with someone, you're willing to follow them wherever they go, right? So with that, I swallowed down my nerves and rang the doorbell, exhaling as I did so.

"Evan!" Kate squealed as she threw her arms around my neck. Her enthusiasm and rib-crushing hug sent uncomfortable chills through my body as I remembered the reason for coming here today.

"Hey, Kate," I smiled sadly as I moved back and pulled my hands into my brightly striped sleeves and then wrapped my arms around myself, sensing the awkwardness that this conversation was causing. She knew something was wrong right off the bat and her happy-go-lucky smile morphed into a disapproving frown.

"Something up?" she asked, apprehension visible in her emerald eyes.

I let out a shaky breath and released one of my hands out of its cotton prison to scratch the side of my head while I nervously gnawed on my bottom lip. Her expression was worrisome and skeptical, only making matters worse at the moment. I knew what I was about to say next would be one of the most difficult sentences I have ever said in my entire life. "I got a scholarship to Cambridge University, which is in London, England. Plus, Xander's booked to tour in Europe for a year or two," I mumbled, sort of hoping she didn't hear what I said.

Kate's lips formed into a hard line as she soaked up the words. Her body tensed and her eyes suddenly became glossy. There was no doubt she heard me and she knew what those words meant. My heart dropped to my stomach at the sight. I stepped forward to give her a comforting hug, but she stepped back and gave me a piercing glare that felt like a thousand serrated knives puncturing my heart.

"Someone once told me to take a chance at love," I breathed, tearing my gaze away from Kate's and letting my eyes wander in every direction but hers. "Someone once told me to stop being the 'shy, emo kid' and just take a leap out of my comfort zone." My hands managed to ball into fists and I slowly loosened my grip as I finally had the courage to look up at her. "And I remember that someone being you."

A few tears fell from her eyes as she crossed her arms, her chest shuddering as it tried to control the sobs that were trying to break through. Her smoldering green eyes burned into mine as her lips twitched looking for words to say, but all that reasonable was silence. Kate didn't want to hear these words, and it made my heart shatter into little bite-sized pieces to see her that way.

"Kate, I'm so sorry. I know I said I'd always be here for you, and don't get me wrong, I always will, but my heart belongs with Xander and our life together starts in England," I desperately pleaded with her.

"Just save it, Evan!"she snapped as tears rolled down her rosy cheeks. She wiped her nose with her sleeve following with a chorus of sniffles. She exhaled shakily as she tried to pull herself together before speaking the last few bitter words that wracked my body to the core. "Have a good life in London."

I pursed my lips as I closed my eyes, letting her harsh words affect me. There was one question I needed answered before I left California. "Kate, we'll always be friends, right?"

Silence seemed to be my only answer. As I waited for a response, her next actions had plunged the knives deeper into my chest. I watched her lip quiver and a few more tears roll down her face as she stepped back into her house and slammed the door. I should have seen this coming. I knew she wouldn't take it well, but this was far worse than I'd expected. It took everything in my body not to breakdown right then and there. I sighed heavily and left her porch. I realized as I walked down the steps that that was the end of our relationship.

Apparently that phrase; "things happen for a reason" is ridiculously true. I've always wondered why Kate remained my friend throughout high school. I was sure befriending me would knock her out of the popularity poll, yet she was still cheer captain and dating that cocky asshole, Kenneth Blanchet. Unfortunately, those two went their separate ways on prom night when some girl arrived at Kenneth's house with a baby in her arms claiming he was the father. I remember spending the night at her house after she told me the news. I don't think I've ever seen Kate cry in all the years I've known her. I told her from the beginning that Kenneth wasn't the right guy for her, but she was 'madly in love with him' and they were 'soul mates'. From what my mother's told me, she ended up attending Columbia University on a cheerleading scholarship and then married some guy who was studying to be a lawyer some years later. I guess I shouldn't be upset when I didn't receive a wedding invitation from her or a phone call for any of the times she gave birth to her children.

As for Aiden, well ... he's Aiden. He's the same flamboyant guy only six years older. He returned to Brazil after finding out that Mica was a beater. Aiden was too sweet for his own good and of course he sees the good in everyone, so all the times I received phone calls and messages from him informing me that his injuries have only increased, he wouldn't listen to me when I begged him to leave the guy. He finally listened to me when Mica put him in the hospital with three broken ribs and a concussion. So, I was shocked and relieved to hear that my once spunky cousin finally had the courage to date again after the emotional trauma and that he's happily living with his partner, Paul who is seven years older. Typical.

I sighed with a slight smile as I gazed at my frazzled hair in the mirror. My eyes had accumulated dark circles from the previous nights of crying. Besides that, not much has changed with my features. I still have those ridiculous bright jade eyes and a pale complexion. I used to hate the way I looked until Xander made it clear to me that he loved everything about me. I remember him stripping me stark naked and forcing me to stare at myself in the mirror until I was pleased with my body. Weirdest. Day. Ever. I picked up the brush and ran it through my mop of hair until it was smooth and as straight as I could get it without a straightener. I should really get it cut. It's reached the middle of my back now and if it was up to me I would have kept it at shoulder's length but Xander refused to let me cut it. I reached for a hair tie and pulled my hair into a low ponytail before placing my black and grey beanie over it. I look like one of those skater kids who hang by the park every weekend. I double checked my appearance before I tidied up my dresser. I couldn't do much with the bags under my eyes, but the rest of my face was flawless. As I put my grooming supplies back in its proper place, my eyes caught the silver band wrapped around my finger and I couldn't help but blush as I remembered the day Xander proposed to me.

"What are you doing?" I whispered as my cheeks flushed red when Xander pulled me into view of thousands of fans whom were screaming bloody murder. I swear, I'll be deaf by the end of tonight.

"Just go along with it, babe," Xander spoke over the microphone.

I felt uncomfortable in front of so many people. If I didn't keep my eyes glued to Xander's sexy form, I would've broken down and rushed off stage. Xander pulled up a chair and forced me in it, then reached for his guitar as he sat across from me and adjusted it in his lap. I gave him a bewildered look as I awkwardly sat there. I fiddled with my thumbs as I kept my eyes glued to my lap. I was afraid to look up. I definitely had stage fright and I'll throw up if I glance at the crowd. There has to be at least 10,000 people in this place.

"How are you guys doing tonight?" Xander spoke again as the crowd cheered in response. "Good, good! Well, I have a special treat for all of you and for my boyfriend, Evan."

Oh, God. I feared what his "treat" for me would be. If it's a surprise from Kate, I might just die of shock. I felt my face burn even redder as I glanced up at him. His hair was plastered to his face from sweat and his ocean-colored eyes were bluer than usual. He gave me a toothy grin as he reached for the microphone again.

"As you know, I'm madly in love with my boyfriend. Those of you who are in a relationship know what it's like when that person is the reason you live every day. You know they are the one when they make your heart beat slow and fast at the same time. Well, that's what Evan does for me. I'm crazy about this man and for that I wrote him a song to express how much he means to me."

The crowd again screeched in reply, causing me to flinch at the noise. I couldn't help but blush even more as he professed his love for me to his fans. I was truly the luckiest man in the world. Not many musicians make it known how in love they are with their significant other. I looked up at Xander with a perplexed gaze in hopes he'd tell me what was going on. I just wanted to get off this stage and huddle up in a corner somewhere. Xander gave me a reassuring smile and began to play his song.

Forever can never be long enough for me
To feel like I've had long enough with you
Forget the world now, we won't let them see

But there's one thing left to do
Now that the weight has lifted
Love has surely shifted my way

Marry Me
Today and every day
Marry Me

If I ever get the nerve to say "Hello" in this cafe
Say you will
Mm-hmm
Say you will
Mm-hmm

Promise me
You'll always be
Happy by my side

I promise to
Sing to you
When all the music dies

And marry me
Today and every day
Marry me

I can't explain how happy I was that night. To propose to me in front of thousands of people was incredible. I fought back the tears that threatened to spill as I snatched my keys and pea coat off of my bed and left my bedroom. I walked down the hall until I came across a pink and purple bedroom filled with Barbie dolls and stuffed animals. I giggled at the toddler who sat in the center of her bed with her teddy bears arranged in a circle while she conversed with them.

"Come on, Brailey, let's go," I smiled at the bubbly child.

"Okay, daddy," she replied as she hopped off her bed and walked over to me. I grabbed her pink rain boots, matching beanie and coat and walked out into the hall.

It's strange what life can throw at you. Eight years ago I didn't think I'd be a father. Kids were never my cup of tea. They were always whining and crying and begging for attention 24/7, and I made a vow that I'd never have children. Well, I've broken my vow as you can see. I knew how much Xander wanted children and who was I to get in the way of his dreams? Of course, he wanted a child that resembled him but since his virus made it impossible to conceive, I'm her biological father. It's bizarre how genetics work. Brailey is the spitting image of me; same eyes, same hair, same cheek structure, it's uncanny how much we look alike.

I knelt down so I was eye level with my daughter and helped her into her boots and jacket. I placed a kiss on her forehead before I adjust the beanie over her ears. She looked at me with identical eyes and smiled that toothy grin that made my heart melt every time. She was too adorable for her own good. I kissed her cheek before I picked her up and set her on my hip.

"Can we get ice cream afterwards?" she asked innocently as I fastened her into her car seat.

"Sure, sweetheart," I replied with a smile before I closed the door and jogged over to the driver's side.

I exhaled deeply as I parked my car in front of the Brompton Cemetery Entrance. It's been almost six months since I visited this eerie place. I glanced at the rear view mirror only to find my little girl passed out in her holster; her thumb resting in her mouth. I smiled lightly at her sleeping form and shut off the car. The emotions that came with every visit started to return, and I closed my eyes and tried to breathe so I could pull myself together. When I was sure I wasn't going to have a break down, I retrieved Brailey from the backseat and held her in my arms so I wouldn't wake her up. The frost-bitten air nipped at my face as I entered the cemetery gates. It felt like the cold weather intensified with each step. I could see the small puff of smoke coming from my lips with each breath. I held Brailey tighter to my body as I proceeded down the pathway of tombstones until I came across a familiar one.

Xander Chance Hewitt; Beloved Son, Brother, and Father

April 16, 1993 – September 9, 2017

My lip quivered as I approached the stone. The tears that were fighting to spill had finally burst free. They were hot against my cheeks as I hovered over the stone and stared at the engraved letters. God was a dick for taking Xander away that September night. Everything seemed fine for awhile until he caught a cold a few months before. The medication the doctor had prescribed had helped with his immune system, but after all the treatments and medication, his health only worsened. The night that he died, I was holding him in my arms. We were reminiscing about our high school days and the day we brought Brailey home from the hospital. We must have been talking for an hour before our conversation had slowly ceased. One moment, I could feel the heat in his hands as they were interlaced with mine and the next they had suddenly gone cold.

If Brailey didn't exist, I probably would have taken my life a day or two after his funeral if it was up to me, but it seemed Xander already knew my thoughts before he passed. The day before he passed, he made me swear that I keep living for him and our daughter. He made me swear that I would get through the toughest times and be strong for Brailey no matter what. And to this day, I've been nothing but strong for both of us. Although Xander's not here, I can sense his presence sometimes. I still see his carefree smile whenever he used to look at me. I still see him sitting in his studio strumming along his guitar while he sang. I still see him sprawled out on the floor while he let Brailey crawl over him. When I really can't deal with his loss, I watch his concerts over and over, especially the ones that were dedicated to me. Life is cruel, but I've learned to cope with it day by day.

"Hey, Xander," I whispered shakily as I approached his tomb. I ran a quivering hand over the icy rock before I knelt down in front of it. "Brailey turns four tomorrow."

I know Xander isn't here to listen to my words, but I felt at ease whenever I told him the latest events. I know he's up there watching me and just knowing that sends a warm feeling through my body. More tears rolled down my cheeks as I continued to speak to the inanimate object.

"It's crazy how old she's getting. The next thing you know she'll be dating and asking why she has two fathers instead of a mommy, and I won't know what to do," I croaked as I wiped my face and adjusted Brailey on my shoulder. "I really miss you, babe. It's hard to live each day without you."

It really is. It's hard to fall asleep every night alone and wake up in an empty bed. I miss the saccharine words he would murmur to me every night that would make me giddy. I miss his muscular form that would swaddle me just so I could sleep. I miss his warmth that used to radiate off of him. And now I go to sleep without his touch or words and it's created this pain in my chest that will never go away. There were nights where I cried myself to sleep and as hard as I tried to conceal my cries, Brailey would always know when I was upset and would sleep in the bed with me. That little girl is the only one who keeps a smile on my face. She is the only one that could brighten the darkest days.

"Why'd you have to go so soon, Xander? I would blame that asshole, Mason for all of this, but I know you wouldn't want that," I continued. "You know, if it wasn't for Brailey, I'd be right up there with you where I belong."

In a way, I wish Brailey had Xander's features so I would have something to remember him by, but then again, my daughter wouldn't be the bubbly three-year-old she is today. I felt her shift in my arms and my hand shot up and rubbed her back to lull her back to sleep. She calmed after a moment and returned to an unconscious state.

"In a way, I think having Brailey was something you did on purpose, babe," I giggled quietly as I wiped the tears that were dripping from my nose. "I think you knew you weren't going to be around for long and our daughter would be the key to my life. I should be mad at you for it, but I'm not. If you saw how much she's grown in the two years you've been gone you would have the biggest grin on your face. She may look like me, but she's got your personality. It sort of scares me, actually."

The waterworks started up again when I remembered a particular memory. I forced a smile on my face as I adjusted my position in the grass. "Do you remember our honeymoon in Hawaii? We were laying on the beach in the warm sand gazing out into the tropical waters, your arms wrapped around mine as you whispered sweet nothings to me? You said it was us against the world. You said that you weren't going anywhere until you at least grew old with me. What happened that promise?"

By now, more tears were streaming down my face. This happens every time I visit Xander's grave, but the love I have for this man is irrevocable. Xander wanted me to move on, but I couldn't bring myself to be in another relationship, not after all that we'd accomplished. The limited days we had together were special and I wouldn't give them up for anything. There were a few times when a guy in my art class had asked me out and each time I rejected him. I felt bad for it, but no one could ever replace Xander. I'd rather spend the rest of my life alone than start new with someone else. My heart belongs to Xander, and I will be damned if I share it with anyone else.

I felt Brailey stir in my arms as she wiped her eyes. "Daddy?" she mumbled.

"Yes, sweetheart?"

"Why are you crying?" she asked in her squeaky voice.

"Oh," I sniffled with a smile as I set her on her feet and seized her arms gently. "Daddy wasn't crying."

She folded her arms and pouted in the most adorable way, her nose scrunched up as her eyes bored into mine with disappointment. "You were crying."

My daughter always saw right through me. I smiled and pulled her into my arms. "I just miss daddy, that's all, baby."

Her little arms wrapped around my neck and held on tight. I picked her up and pulled away enough to look at her chubby, pale face. "How about we go get some ice cream?" Brailey's smile lit up like the fourth of July as she nodded excitedly.

I kissed her forehead as I turned back to Xander's tombstone and sighed lightly. "I love you, Xander. Brailey and I really miss you. Thank you for being such a wonderful husband and father."

"Bye, daddy," Brailey whispered as she waved to the stone. Her little gesture made it difficult not to tear up again. She was only one when Xander died and although she didn't understand what exactly happened, she knew her father wasn't around anymore. I sighed as I began to the walk back to the car. I glanced over my shoulder as I eyed the oval rock one more time before I left Brompton Cemetery. If it wasn't for Xander, I wouldn't have followed my dream as an artist, I wouldn't have experienced happiness, and I wouldn't be a husband or a father. I wouldn't be me. Life throws you curves and you have to learn to swerve with them. Because of Xander, I've never felt stronger, more real, more myself. His world was my world and that's where I belonged.

A/N: And that concludes 'A Reason Why.' Not all stories have happy endings. Since I first thought up this story, I already knew the outcome and well, this was it. I must admit that I cried when I wrote the memories between Evan and Xander. As for their daughter, Brailey, I know it's really unique but I'm just in love with her name! Plus, I'm in love with gay couples being parents, so I couldn't resist adding that little detail! Anyway…all of your thoughts and comments kept me going throughout the entire story. I have to especially thank whereismyorangehoodie, TheColorClear, and Esquirella for putting up with me and my bullshit writing lol so thank you, dears!

And just another note; the original story I was going to write next sort of failed and now I don't know what to write. If any of you have any suggestions or requests then please tell me! I want to know what you guys want to read because I love pleasing my fans! Okay, so I'm done rambling. I hope you enjoyed this story and I will see all of you on fictionpress with a new one hopefully in the next few weeks maybe a month at most.