First do no harm:

Ear-infection.

I asked can you just diagnose me over the phone?
"No." Said the lady with the alligator purse, "for all we know you
could be selling antibiotics on the black market."

My ear hurt bad. The right one.
" Fine when can I be seen?" I sighed.

Next day, not with my primary, I arrived
to wait, a half-hour in reception, another
forty minutes in the examination room.

In came the doctor, in came the nurse, in came the lady with the alligator purse.
"Ear-infection" said the doctor, "ear-infection," said the nurse,
"ear-infection" said the lady with the alligator purse.

"That's what I said." I said.

Out went the doctor, out went the nurse,
"that will be $245," said the lady with the alligator purse.

Bill fast in hand, I had a heart-attack

to which the lady said,
"Oh, that's going to be quite a bit more."