An: Hey, please R&R. WARNING: CUTTING, SUICIDE, DRUGS, ALCOHOL, BULIMIA, ABUSE. Angel.
Teach Me To Trust
The dark alley resembled my thoughts, dark and dreary. The lights flickering and sounds echoing off the walls, a shallow place for drug deals. Walking in my grey hoodie, hands shoved in my pocket, hood up I look for Jason. I need my daily dose of Meth, not that cheap crap they try and sell me in school no, I need the hard stuff. Nodding my head to the guy in the black shirt I jog up to him and stuff the clear package into my pocket. Holding out his hand I slap the money into his hand, looking around.
" Here's the two hundred, now lets get outta here." He was leaning against the grimy brick wall casually and he stood up straight. A six foot tall boy he tried to caress my hips, and I shoved his hands away.
" No, Jason I don't like you, just your drugs." He lifted my face to his and I pushed away.
" What the hell Jason!? You're my friend, my drug dealer, not my boyfriend. You know why I cant so get the hell away."
" You need to trust me." I looked at him, putting my head slightly down so he couldn't see the tears welling up.
" No! I need you to get the hell away." He shook his head and started to walk away, turning around I saw the tears rolling. Jason? Crying?
" You… one day, will love me." I keep the thoughts inside my head, I wanted so bad to cry out to him and run into his arms. I can't though… all because of him. He turned back away and we both walked out of the alley. Crying on my sleeves I walk home in the brisk weather, the street lights giving away my secret, my tears. The cars streaming by the dark night seemed to swirl around me, enveloping my thoughts. You will never love again, will you? Jason loves you not for what you can do, but because of your brain. Call him, go ahead, tell him you love him and he will come to you… My thoughts were so inviting and I fingered my phone that rested in my pocket, his number the first one in there. No, I can't he will hurt me just like… no I can't trust Jason.
The mist swirled around my porch light and I knew that my parents didn't notice my absence. If they had the porch light would be off, they sitting up worrying. Climbing the ivy covered gate I crawled up to the roof and climbed into my open window. Throwing the clear package on my bed I threw my hoodie in the hamper. Taking my shirt off I revealed the slices on my shoulders and arms. Putting on my cami and sweatpants I sat down on my bed, and cried. After I was finished I needed to go and get something to calm me, not the drugs, not yet. I needed to save it for later, make it last. Walking down the stairs I slide on the banister and land softly on my feet.
Opening the fridge I see the drawer full of alcohol. Brandy, beer, wine, rum, whiskey, and my personal favorite Smirnoff. I pulled out two raspberry Smirnoff's and a bottle of rum then scampered back to my room, the cold bottles against my chest. Shutting my door I threw the drinks on the bed and turned on my TV. Flipping through the channels I found my favorite, Law and Order: SVU. Sipping my rum I smirked as a child was thrown against the wall, that didn't hurt that bad. No, what hurts is when your parents ran their burning cigarettes into your skin the through you down to the floor on the same spot. My phone rings and startles me from my thoughts, rum spilling down the front of my shirt. Fuck. Who the hell is texting me at two in the morning? Looking at the phone I see who it is, Alexis. Opening her message I smile to myself.
Alexis: Heyy Anna, I'm outside your window. Your coming to a party with me. Lets go.
Me: I'm coming.
It being a Friday my parents wouldn't be up until at least ten so I had plenty of time to be there and back. Throwing my shirt and hoodie back on I look in the mirror. My blonde hair going to my shoulders needed a brushing, my green eyes that had lost the innocent twinkle long ago, and my rosy cheeks were a deathly white. Pulling on my skinny jeans and running a brush through my hair I stumble over the shoes that were littered across the floor. Slipping my flip flops on and heading toward the window I see the car parked outside the house. I smile at Alexis who was standing on the lawn looking up at me, obviously drunk.
" Come on Anna!" I yell at her a shush and she giggled. Downing the rest of my rum I start to climb out the window, I was going to get smashed tonight. Dropping onto the lawn Alexis runs over to me and pulls me into the car with Lacey and Thomas.
" Took you long enough. What were you doing up there?" Lacey's breath smelled of booze as she tried to talk without slurring her words.
" I know what she was doing." Alexis had a playful look on her face as she laughed and teased about Jason.
" Really? What was I doing?" I had a smile on but under the mask a whole world of pain was fighting to get out.
" Jason Van Houten." My stomach did a dive and even though I knew they were just kidding it still hurt. I felt the anger rise and I wanted to knock their lights out. Restraining myself I calmly spoke,
" No, actually I was drinking rum and watching TV. " She looked at me with a sly smile and Thomas snickered in between kissing Lacey.
" Mmhm, sure you were." I wanted to scream that was the truth but I calmed down and the club came into view. Getting out the passenger side I couldn't wait to dump shots down my throat. Alexis got out of the drivers side and I was amazed that we had gotten there in one piece, with all of us drunk, or nearly drunk. The flashy neon sign hung in the window and the music blared so loud we heard it in the parking lot. Her blonde hair was up in a ponytail and her blue eyes were glazed over from the previous hours of drinking. In a mini skirt and tight tee I knew she was looking for Dallas tonight. Her ex-boyfriend. They have been on and off for months and I knew she was looking to get back "on" tonight. Her make-up packed on a little too much, trying to hide the bruises that he gave her when they were off.
Lacey was the next one to step out, her black hair in natural ringlets to he back was beautiful. Her blazing green eyes and tan complexion was really stunning. Then we had Thomas, who was not that far behind her, as always. His sandy brown hair and brown eyes were of plain feature compared to his body. His body was thin and he had a twelve pack, starting at almost his collar bone, he was hot. Lacey and him had been an item since the fifth grade and no other had had a chance at either of them. They were completely faithful to one another, I wouldn't be surprised if they get married after high school. She already had his child, their little Amelia toppling around her grandmother's house while her mother was out drinking. Looking at Lacey you couldn't tell she had a child, her stomach as flat as a pancake and her abs were easy to see. In a pants size of double zero its remarkable how fast she lost all her weight from Amelia.
Stepping in the door the smells of booze and sweat covered the air. Showing the guard our fake id's we got in without a question. The 'smack' of pool balls were heard every once and a while. Lacey and Thomas making their way the couches in the back where they were to be for the rest of the night. Alexis and I went over to the bar and sat, Dallas walking over to Alexis and picking her up, kissing her.
" I'll see you later Anna, I-" I never heard the rest, they disappeared into the crowd and the music covered her voice. Turning to the bartender I order a shot of whiskey sours. The sour liquid burning down my throat and my eyes watered. The after taste was sweet and I loved it, I ordered three more and slammed my head back as it dumped into my body. After four in under five minutes the bartender came over and asked if I was alright.
" Yeah, I'm fine… Just trying to forget." Thinking about Jason and how stupid I was for not trusting him more.
" Oh, well you want something harder?" I nodded,
" Got Everclear?" Looking through my hazed eyes to the man his eyes grew wide.
" Whoa, you must really want to forget… I'm only giving you one shot of that crap." I had never drank it, with a proof of 151, it was 75.5% alcohol. I needed to forget him ,his platinum blonde hair and electric blue-green eyes with a brown ring around his pupil… His tan complexion… Just forget his love… The bartender put the shot glass in front of me and I picked it up, looking at the liquid sloshing against the sides and before I had second thoughts I poured it down my throat. I shot my eyes open and the stinging spread through my throat and chest, burning. Swallowing the rest I thought my heart was to explode.
" You alright?" I nodded quickly and waved for a glass of water, quickly filling a glass I poured it down my throat and the burning stopped.
" Wow, I didn't realize how hard that stuff was." He looked at the side to me, suspiciously glaring at me.
" What?" He shook his head and kept drying a glass.
" Nothing, just- you don't look twenty three." I shrugged.
" A lot of people say that." He nodded and put the glass up.
" So, how's uh David?" My heart stopped and I froze, my stomach shot right up into my throat and I sat there.
" How do you know him?" He smirked to the side and chuckled.
" Your brother was a hard core drinker too. The way you do shots reminded me of him. So, Anna, do your parents know you're here?" I couldn't speak, my parents thought I was a good kid, not a delinquent like David and Scarlett. I was the good kid, until I was thirteen. I slowly shook my head and he laughed.
" Don't worry I'm not a snitch, but I'm not serving you anymore, I could lose my job." I nodded quickly trying to save my own butt.
" So… Following in your brother's footsteps, huh? Your what, fifteen? Ha, that's when David started coming here, him and I." I nodded, I knew when David started drinking. He got mad at his little sister and slammed her against the wall. Being five years younger there was nothing I could do, and my parents didn't care… they beat me too.
" Actually I'm sixteen, but yeah." I felt a tug on my shirt and I turn to see Alexis, crying and blood was on her face.
" OH MY GOD, ALEXIS! Are you ok!?" She nodded, crying harder and I saw why she was bleeding. Her nose was pushed to one side and her legs were covered in blood, her skirt pushed up to her waist.
" Did he-" Before I could finish her crying got louder and I knew that I couldn't drive her to the hospital, nor could Lacey and Thomas. Looking over to the bartender he was already putting his coat on.
" Thank you so much." He nodded and motioned for me to follow him to his car. Helping Alexis limp to the car I put her in. Speeding through red lights and other traffic we get to the emergency room and he carried her in. The nurses and doctors rush in and put her on a gurney leading her away. I tried to follow her but the nurse stopped me and her blood on my shirt I lunge for the door, smearing it all over the surface.
" Ma'am, you have to calm down. She'll be fine." I let the tears stream as I reached out for Alexis, fighting the nurse.
" No! She-she was raped! My best friend, she had to endure that! No! It's too horrible!" The nurse looked sympathetic, and she looked into my glazed, red eyes. Tears streaming down, she knew that I myself have had that done to me…
" Honey, she'll be alright… I know you understand, but dear, she'll be okay." I calmed down a little and the nurse hugged me close.
" Let's call your parents, and just because you don't need anymore stress tonight, I won't tell them you've been drinking." I nodded and cried as I heard her calling my parents who had been long asleep, and I knew I was in for it. I could already feel the sting of his belt and the snap of my bones cracking. After my parents stormed into the ER I went to Alexis and said goodbye.
" No, Anna… Don't leave, please." I started to cry again, pulling her hands off of me.
" I have to go Alexis… I'll see you when you get out." She nodded and I left the room. My father had the look of a dragon. His outside looked calm, but in his eyes… I knew I would be in for hell when we got home. Exiting the hospital my father grabbed the back of my neck and practically threw me in the car. The whole way home nothing was said… I would almost have preferred him to yell now, to burn off some steam before we got into the house.
Pulling into the driveway we sat there for about ten minutes and he looked back at me.
" You… were supposed to the good one, the one we were destined to have." His sadness went as fast as it had come. Flinging open my door he dragged me out of the car. Letting me fall to the pavement my head bounced off the concrete and he yanked me up by my hair.
" Get in the fucking house." He sneered at me through his gritted teeth and I stumbled into the house. Running up the stairs I slipped into a closet and stayed as quiet as I could. My memories decided to invade me at this time and I remembered. Anna! Your so dead, you little brat! Crying I stumbled up the stairs and hid in the closet. Silently I cried as I heard Scarlett being beaten and her screams ringing in my ears. David was crouching in the closet with me his fourteen year old body shaking with fear. Scarlett was fifteen… Her body lying unconscious in the living room as our father stomped up the stairs, I heard him scream at us. You kids! I have the worst children in the world! Go die! I hate you! Stomping over to the closet he yanked it open and his eyes looked like fire. Reaching down he grabbed my hair yanking me up so our faces were in line. Screaming in pain I heard David crying hysterically. Shut up you brat! A slap was heard and I felt the blood drip from my mouth. Letting go I fell to the floor and I heard a crack. A pain shot up my arm and I screamed, bloody murder. He snapped out of his rage, seeing his daughter rolling on the floor screaming in pain, pain he caused. Snapping out of it I heard him coming up the stairs just like he had when I was nine. I curled into a ball and let a sigh roll out into the still air. The light invaded the closet and I felt a pain shoot up my side, flinching in pain I realized his boot had broken my rib. I let out a cry and he grabbed my face.
" How could you? You- you were supposed to be the good one, my kids are so stupid!" This time I retorted back,
" You broke my rib, who the screw up now!? A father who beats his children or a child who sneaks out!?" He slammed my face to the ground and closed the door onto my fingers over and over until they broke.
" There! Now you have something to yell about!" Cradling my fingers and side I couldn't move. The tears raining down from the faucets called my eyes, I stood and opened the closet door. Limping to my room I looked at the clock, it was eight in the morning. Peeling the covers back I slipped into bed and closed my eyes, hoping to never wake up, never to see them again.