Ah, I see you've taken an interest in this painting, no? Haha, yes sir, I'm talking to you, the one that has been lead astray from your tour group.
No, of course not! I didn't mean to come across as rude! My apologies! I was simply curious why you would stop at this particular painting. Not many people stop to stare at it, you know. All the bright, hot hues make people avert their eyes to their normal neutral colored world. So why have you stopped? I'm curious.
You wondered why the painter would create a tea party? With the blinding garden and the stupid princess and the frou-frou prince. I'm beginning to see your point. Aren't you enraptured by the beauty that's exuded by the prince though? The neatly groomed hazel hair that is combed back, a glittered pair of honey sweet eyes that actually suit his masculine face, a strong and gentle body beneath a noble coat and slacks, the hints of a gorgeous tan. His graceful and powerful grip of the simple tea cup as he is about to take a sip from!
Hm? Too fake? What ever do you mean? Nobody is this perfect? Well, I definitely see that. But I'm sure that the painter wanted him to complement his princess. Her blonde locks come off in a wonderful fluff because of the brush stroke, the dainty, soft textured skin is protected by the tea table umbrella, the lavender eyes come down into an innocent stare, the Victorian dress shows wonderful class. Impeccable beauty that the painter wanted to portray!
Natural beauty is the thing these days, huh? Like me, sir? Surely you jest! I'm not nearly a beautiful a woman as the one in the painting!
Wait! Wait! Sir! Where are you going? Please, don't leave! I apologize I got carried away! I should have known better to go on about the aspects you did not like. Although, since you don't enjoy this painting very much, what is the one thing you hate about this painting? No, sir! Hate is not a very strong word! Every painter should hear how a person perceives their painting, it helps them to get to know the world better from their little studios. I'll be sure to pass on the message to her when she's here!
So the thing you hate the most, is the garden? It looks like a rainbow puked on it? Well! I said that hate isn't a strong word, but that has to be one of the worst criticisms I've heard around here. Perhaps the painter wanted to express all the colors of the rainbow! Through flowers. Perhaps the painter liked those flowers! Those crown vetch, bloodflowers, scotch brooms, nightshades, and lantanas! A beautiful setting for a beautiful couple!
You look a tad disgruntled, sir. Oh, no! I beg of you! Please don't leave!
What? Don't look at me like that, please. It's just hard to find such good company here at the art museum, you know? No, don't worry I don't intend to ask you out to lunch later. I simply enjoy talking to you. You, of all people, who stopped at this painting. Since you been so patient with me, why don't I let you in on something? You see her neck?
Not the overweight lady to the side! The princess! Her neck! See anything? No? Look closer. Yes! I'm quite enjoying the look on your face right now! You see the handprint right? The pattern of the discoloration is unmistakable. Now look at her arms! More discoloration! You see! There is more depth than you thought right? The wonderful prince abuses the princess. The unexpected heart break that the princess feels! Certainly not the happy ending she was hoping for! The poor unfortunate girl! Ah, but that's not all! Don't come to sympathize with her so quickly, sir!
Why? Her garden! Her beautiful garden is a harbinger of death! Bloodflowers, nightshades, lantanas! The whole outstretched rainbow! All poisonous! She decorated the tea table and maybe even the prince's tea cup! Brilliantly beautiful!
Hm? Oh, lower my voice? I'm sorry, I guess I sounded quite mad right then. Very unladylike of me.
How did I know so much about this painting? Well-
Huh? A commotion outside? Are those sirens? Ah, police sirens, I presume.