The Boy Who Knew Too Much
Chapter 1: Let's start this shit, shall we?
They say there is no time like the present, so why not start my story from here. Where am I right at this moment? Wouldn't you like to know…? Actually, I bet you don't give a flying fuck about poor little old me or my whereabouts. Also, why would a fuck be flying in the first place? Those are the real questions we should be asking ourselves in today's society.
Are you just a little bit confused now? Well, so am I. I keep asking myself why I didn't just kill myself when I had the chance. Well, there you go my friends, something about me, as in my past suicidal tendencies. But then again, who's to say I'm not still curious about death. Oh yeah, that's a big part of the reason I've be thinking about ending it. For the record, I enjoy using euphemism sometimes; they make life a little more pleasant, especially if you don't want to mention something like blowing your fucking head off so that the walls are smeared with the red crimson of the blood flowing out of the wound caused by the bullet in your brain. Or on the carpet when you're lifeless body falls to the ground. Then again, it could be hardwood floors. Or you could of done it outside to avoid the mess altogether I guess. Then your dripping blood could just sink into the cold hard ground, feeding the roses, if you're next to roses of course. If you're not, well that last little bit there doesn't really apply to your blood in this case. Such is life. Here, it's probably more like death though. I guess.
Did I tell you I'm a hypocrite yet? Well I'm not really. I'm fairly certain of this, but not quite. I just love contradictions. After all, I'm a walking contradiction myself. I also love cock, but that's another story altogether. I've also been told I'm very blunt when I want to be. To which I reply that I can be very anything I want if it damn well pleases me, thank you very much. I consider myself a smart enough person. I am in university after all. That's because I like to think about stuff and shit. Actually, I'm often just simply mesmerized by the deep complexity of the universe. Meh.
Then again, most of the time, I don't feel connected to this world. I feel like I'm floating, and I can see myself and the people around me, but I can even feel my own presence. You ever get that feeling? Your body is there, you know it is, but the essence of you is high above the ground, reaching for the sky. What scares me the most are moments like these, where I'm actually all here, completely lucid, awake and aware. I fear it, because that means that what's happening is important. You know what I'm talking about? You probably don't, but that's okay. I forgive you. After all, I'm a generous person. You wouldn't know, but I actually am. Then again, I can't ask you to take my word for it now can I? That would just be silly of me.
Also, sometimes I feel genderless, and I only remember what I am when I have to whip my dick out to piss. Yeah, I'm a strong manly man on the inside, and a small scrawny kid on the outside. Or is it the other way around? Or am I just making up shit all together? If I had to choose, it would be that last one. I'm still a boy though, but I'm guessing you got that.
Another thing about me, I like to write, mostly short stories. I'm not very good though, because my ideas are never well developed enough in my mind for me to make something with substance out of these thoughts swimming in my head. Hence a considerable amount of short stories with barely any structure and depth. I try my best, sure, but I just can't seem to make my shit coherent.
Someone once told me to just keep writing. It doesn't have to make sense, just write anything down without thinking, without stopping. Apparently you subconscious is supposed to come out. This seems like a good time and place to say that I despise Freud and his shit theories. Sorry, I just had a flash back to my psychology classes. Anyway, so yeah, there I was butt naked, spread eagle, both my wrists and my legs chained to this guy's futon…Shit, wrong story I was telling you guys there.
I've also been told that my sentence structure doesn't function well. My grammar is also not very good, and my choice of words is never up to par. By the way, many people have told me these things, so I believe they just may be right. Then again, who the hell are they to tell me about me? I know myself enough to understand that I suck in more ways than one. Let's see…This is me trying to get back on topic by the way. Okay, so I started just writing things down without thinking about it, and a lot of scary shit came out. I wonder what that means. I'm starting to think that maybe I'm just crazy. You don't have to answer that. I think I'd rather not know what your perception of me is. I know it can't be good. On the other hand, I am a fairly decent person. So you must praise me. Please?
I also have other interests. Sometimes I like to listen to the sound of my own voice. It makes me feel real. That's why I like to sing. Hence, I'm in a band. A very unknown and unpopular band that has maybe two or three fan in this whole entire universe, but we don't care. We're just four losers with time to spare and a passion for sound.
You know what I just realized? I never told you where I am. Silly little old me seems to always forget important things like these. So yeah, I'm lying in some random guy's bed after he just fucked the heavenly shit out of me, twice. I can't help but wonder now if shit can indeed be heavenly. I guess I'll have to ask God when I get up there. That's if there is a God, and if I even have a chance to go to heaven. I so badly want to sleep right now.
Anyway, this guy is in the shower and I'm just trying to recuperate after all the fun time we had together. I was just too lazy to get up, so instead, I just cleaned myself with the warm and wet washcloth he handed me a few minutes ago. He has nice hands… He has a nice everything…
Damn, it's late and I have early class tomorrow. Oh well, I'm getting an A all the same. After all, I am sleeping with the professor. Don't worry, it's not like I'm cheating with tall, dark and handsome over there, cleaning himself, water running down his beautifully naked and arousing swimmer's body…yum. Oh shit, I have got to focus more. You know, I tend to lose myself a lot in my own mind. Yeah, like you didn't already know that. That was sarcastic by the way, but I guess you got that too. I do just ever so hope. Nah, he's actually married. I'm talking about my professor here, not my new sex god. So it's more like he's cheating on his wife with me, the professor that is. I don't know what the stranger's deal is, but I can't wait to find out.
You know what? Of course you don't, I didn't tell you. Silly me, cock is for girls! Well I proved them wrong. After all, only a real man can be with another man. Yeah, that's a lie, because I'm not a real man. I'm a real boy, sure, just like Pinocchio, but I lack chest hair, and everybody knows that that is what makes you so manly, I think… So the real thing that I wanted to tell you guys, and girls, earlier is that I do know his name after all. Hell, I really should, because I was just moaning it at the top of my lungs just a mere moment ago. Alas, my dazed and lustful mind was too tired to remember. It's James by the way.
Oh, he's coming back to bed. Funny, I didn't hear the shower turn off. It's time to know now if he's going to throw me out on the streets this late, or if he'll let me crash at his place a few hours before the sun comes out and I have to get to class. Yes, I'm still thinking I'll go. I do like getting my education after all.
I get my answer soon enough as he gently sit on the other side of the bed, as I am not facing him. He then proceeds to snuggle up to me, my back that is, and whispers in my ear, "Goodnight Eden". At this point, you might wonder why he called me that. Well dears, that's just my name. It's nice to meet you too.
N.B: Thanks for reading! Frankly, I'm a bit surprised you made it to the end. If I keep writing this story, there will be a new chapter every week or so. Probably on Tuesdays. Meh.