Yay! We passed one hundred reviews! Isn't that fantastic, me amigos? *Does victory dance* All these reviews go to my head. Now I kinda walk around like, "Do you know who I am!?" whenever people insult my writing haha. No one ever does. Wouldn't that be so cool though, if I met one of my reviewers in real life? I would feel like a celebrity in that case.

Check out my sister's story, Whould I Rather? It's a mxm story about a boy involved in a bank robbery, but his home life's so terrible he'd rather stay there with the robber. You should check it out. My sister's profile name is Alatum Cloud.

Ginbat-*hiding behind a chair as you rant and rave* Hanging somebody by the toenails? That would be gruesome!

Skylove- Thank you for the many reviews. You are a big part of why this story reached 100 reviews after the last chapter.

BexishDevil- Yes, he is, and I'm glad he's not real. I hope you like this chapter.

Alatum- What about Kenny? And thank you for being my 100th reviewer.

Guest-I'm sorry for any turmoil that chapter may have caused.

MerlinRocks- Glad you liked the chapter, and I hope you like this one too!

And just so you guys know, I really am so grateful to all of you for reading, and reviewing, and making me feel so loved, even if it is just my stories you love.

Chapter 30

I could hear voices...but I couldn't place them.

...Cain! What happened?

...-body call an ambulance!

...eighteen year old male...

...Lacerations to the wrist...

Flashes of light. They reminded me of the lights of the camera's. I hated it when the photographers didn't turn off their flash. It blinded me. I listened to the voices as long as I could, trying to remember which voices belonged to which faces in my head. But after a while, I stopped listening.


The light hurt my eyes. I hate to pry them open with all my might. My suicide attempt had failed. I was still here. Still alive. Not good. That meant a lot of questions from a lot of people that I didn't want to answer. And it meant an angry Miles. That was the worst of all.

I tried to sit up, but was pulled back down harshly. I looked at my arms, and realized that I'd been strapped to the bed. A safety measure. Something they did to people who were a danger to themselves. The hospital room was empty. That was good.

I lay there, looking up at the ceiling for a few minutes. I got kind of bored, but I couldn't even reach for the remote to turn on the TV, and I couldn't call for a nurse or doctor or something, so I just kept laying there, staring. After another minute, the door did open.

"Mr. Hart." said a young male, who I thought was a doctor, but then realized was the nurse. He was too young to be doctor.

"Yeah." I responded.

"I'm sorry, you must be uncomfortable. It's for your own safety."

I nodded. "I understand."

He looked at me for a minute, probably wondering what could have driven me, a sucsessful, goodlooking, internation singer to try and kill myself.

"Is there anything I can do for you?" he asked kindly, and I nodded toward the TV.

"You could turn that on." I said, and he nodded and went over to switch it on. The news channel was the first thing to come on, and written on it, in big bold letters was: Cain Hart tries to kill himself.

"Not the news." I tell the male nurse, and he quickly switches it to some random channel, switching until I see a show I like, and tell him to stop. I tried to focus on it, but it was impossible. It was already all over the news. Scotty, Misty, Marisol, Hail, Kenny, and even Cyril must have seen it. Abel must have seen it. My parents must have seen it. Everyone.

They must be worried.

They shouldn't be. I didn't deserve it.

The nurse had left without me noticing, and was suddenly back again.

"There's someone who says he wants to talk to you." he told me, looking down and his clipboard, where I guess he had written the name. "His name is Miles."

I thought it over. Miles. Did I want Miles in here right now? No, I didn't. Right now, I had the choice. And I chose no.

"No." I said, shaking my head. "Not right now. Tell him not right now."

The nurse nodded and left, leaving me alone again.



I heard about it as soon as I got home. I'd driven home, angry, at Cain, at Miles, and myself. There was so much I wanted to do to help him, but it felt like I couldn't do any of it!

When I'd gotten home, I'd turned on the TV, looking for something to distract me, even though this was not a matter that should be pushed aside. I'd flipped through the channels for a few minutes, and landed on the news. They were talking about some kitten that had been rescued from a well, when all of a sudden the writing at the bottom had changed.

Breaking News, it said. Cain Hart tries to commit suicide.

At first, I hadn't believed they were talking about Cain. Not my Cain. It had to be some other Cain. But they'd flashed his picture across the screen a second later, a picture of him singing at some concert, and then, they'd played footage.

The footage was shot by multiple camera's, and they all showed the same thing. An ambulance pulling up to Cain's trailer, and then paramedics rushing in. Seconds later, they came out, with a boy strapped too a gurney. And with my heart pounding, I'd strained to see his face. But there was no need, because whoever was recording was more then happy to zoom in.

I'd wanted to throw up. His face was pale, and there was blood on his clothes. At one point, I'd started to cry, because his eyes flickered open, and he looked around, like he heard something, but then he shut them again.

In the background, I could see Scotty and Misty, screaming and crying, trying to get past the gathering crowd. That's when the footage cut off.

I jumped up from my couch, got right back into my car, and sped off to the hospital. There were only two that I knew off, so he had to be at one of them. The first one I went too was surrounded by reporters and cameras, so I knew I'd found the right one. I parked my car and ran for the entrace.

Cameras started flashing the second I got in view of them, and they were all chasing me, asking questions, recognizing me.

"Is Cain alright?" one shouted, like I knew.

"Why did he try to kill himself?"

"Are you two dating?"

I ignored them, going in, but that didn't stop them from following me. I ran up to the front desk, "Where's Cain!?" I practically shouted at the woman running the thing, and she looked up at me with wide eyes, and shook her head.

"I'm sorry sir, but he's still in critical conditions. You'll have to wait until he is stable."

I nodded glumly, and moved away. Sitting in one of the seats, I realized suddenly that the waiting room was full. There were probably a hundred girls in there with me, crying and clinging onto each other.

Cain's fans.

They had come.

Cameras were recording them too, and when I looked outside, I saw more girls and even some boys, all of them crying, or praying, or holding signs that said, "We Love You Cain. Don't Die."

The sight of it, of so much love for him, made me weep.

A minute later, Scotty and Misty were suddenly beside me. I hadn't even seen them arrive. Without any words, Misty hugged me, and Scotty joined in, and all three of us were crying, and I could still see the cameras around us, and still them asking questions, to Scotty, to Misty, to me, to random fans, we ignored them.

Hours past, the three of us hiding in the church, where things were quiet. We were holding hands, waiting to hear from the doctors.

Don't die. I thought. Please, please, don't die. If you die...

If Cain died, I would murder Miles. And then kill myself.

So may people love you, I thought to him. So many people would really miss you.

Suddenly, somebody cleared their throat behind us. We turned, and to my surprise, it was Kenny. His eyes were heavy with worry, and he wasn't dressed in his usual fashion. He just had a baggy shirt and pants on.

"Mind if I join you?" he asked, and I shook my head. He sat down, not grabbing anyone's hand. He just put his hands together, ducked his head, and prayed. I could see tears coming from his eyes.

I couldn't hear what he was praying, but his lips were readable. Don't die, don't die, don't die, he kept repeating, over and over, as if repetition would save Cain. Maybe it would. What did I know?

To my surprise, after a minute, Misty called out to a guy a few rows ahead of us. "You're the guy who drove Cain home the other day, aren't you?"

The boy turned around. He was about our age, brown hair, eyes, and skin. He smiled and nodded.

"Yes. You have a good memory. I'm Cyril."

"Well, get over here." she said, motioning him over. I didn't recognize the guy, but apparently he was a friend of Cain's, so I didn't argue when he came over and sat on the other side of Kenny. We just sat there quietly, each of us silently praying. I guess what ever Kenny was thinking of was pretty upsetting, because he started to cry louder and louder. I looked at him, not sure what to do.

Luckily I didn't have to do anything, because the Cyril guy reached over and grabbed his hand, holding in tightly. Kenny looked at him, gave him a wobbly smile, then shut his eyes and kept praying.

I wondered if his parents had heard. If they had, what were they doing? What were they thinking?

My mind was filled with thoughts and questions.

Something more was going on here. Something bigger then I thought. Miles couldn't just be beating Cain.

Miles was...

Was Miles...?

My heart dropped and my gut twisted at the thought. But I had thought it before. It was impossible to not think of. The way Miles treated Cain, and the way Cain reacted to Miles, it was impossible not to see.

God, I hoped I was wrong.

Please, not that, not to him. Not to a creature so beautiful and fragile.



"There's someone else who wants to see you." the nurse said again. I looked at him. Someone else? Not Miles?


"A boy and girl named Scotty and Misty."

"I don't want to see anybody." I told the male nurse. Earlier, they'd came and told me that Abel had been by. Well, they didn't call him by name, but I recognized his description. I hope he doesn't come back. I couldn't see them all right now. I couldn't face them.

I lay there in silence until they brought me food, and they unhooked my arms so I could eat, but two security guards stayed with me the whole time, watching to make sure I didn't try to slit my wrists again. When I was done, I went to the bathroom, and saw that they had removed all sharp items. When I was done with using the bathroom and washing my face, they attached me back to the bed.

This was not pleasant.

This was all Miles' fault. He had driven me to this. If it wasn't for him, I could have been so much happier, and this never would have happened.

Take it back, I thought. Take back the last two years, no fours, of my life. The only thing I want to keep the same is Abel. My old life, with me, my parents, and Scotty and Misty playing in the garage. Add Abel.

The male nurse was back. So far, he was the only one I'd seen. Had he been specifically assigned to me or something?

"That man, Miles, is back." he told me, coming over to rearrange my bedding. "He says to tell you it's urgent."

Urgent. I bet. More like he wanted to come up and make sure I hadn't said anything to anybody. If Miles had been in the room with us, or even in view of the door, I would have told the nurse to let him in. But without him around, I had the nerve to say to no. I started to shake my head, and stopped. If I kept saying no, he would be pissed when we finally saw each other again.

I shut my eyes and gulped. When I opened them, my nurse was staring down at me, concern in his eyes.

"Are you okay?" he asked, reading the panic in my eyes. "Are you in pain or something?" His eyes flickered over to the door, where I guess Miles was waiting. I followed them, then looked away, out the window. In the distance, I could see hundreds of buildings, and the sky, and cars, and clouds. It was all part of a different life. None of the stuff that mattered to any of those people mattered to me. Their problems were not my problems. And my problems were not their problems.

"Should I...call...the cops?" my nurse suddenly said, and it shocked me. Was I really getting so transparent around strangers? That wasn't good.

But maybe it was good.

Maybe they would notice, and do something about it.

"No." I said. "Don't call the cops. Why would you need to call the cops?"

He stared at me a couple seconds, then shrugged. "Okay. But if you need me, just press this button." he said, pushing a little remote at him. I rolled my eyes and gave him a look, then looking at my restraints.

"Yeah, I'll do that." I said, and we both laughed.

"Hey, what's your name?" I asked him. He'd been coming in and out and I'd never even bothered to ask.

"Hal." he said, and he pushed the remote so it was under one of my fingers. "If you need it, push this button." he said, gently guiding my finger to one of the buttons. "If you need and help at all, okay?" He sighed, and not even staring at me, he said, "I can't lose another friend."

Friend? We'd only known each a few hours. But whatever. This seemed deeper to me.

"Sure." I said, smiling at him thankfully. He was cute, a couple years older than me. "But I should tell you," I randomly said. I don't know where I was getting the courage. "I have a boyfriend."

He stared at me, then grinned and leaned down, whispering, "Don't worry, me too." And then he pulled up and looked at me, and we burst out laughing again, even though what I really wanted to do was cry.


I thought hard about what I had to do. I could either go out there and tell everybody the truth about why I'd tried to kill myself. Or, I could let them let Miles in to see me, get discharged, and vanish on another tour, forever ripped away from my family, friends, and loved ones.

I couldn't do that. No matter what. The second choice...was not an option at all.


But staying with them meant I had to disobey Miles. Just the thought was terrifying. Every cell in my body screamed at me to do as Miles said. It was not an option. His words were law, his actions punishments and rewards that I rightly deserved.

According to my mind.

But according to my heart, this was wrong, so wrong, and I was scared, and sick of being here, and I wanted out. I wanted to go home and be safe. I wanted to be normal again, even though I knew that wasn't possible.

But, as impossible as it was, was it worth a try?

If it meant being with the ones I loved, and away from Miles...of course it was.

I was shaking just from the possibility, and the very thoughts. These kinds of thoughts would get me into a lot of trouble, if discovered by Miles.

I looked back out the window. The sun was setting. I looked at the skyline, and then tired, put my head on the pillow, and barely heard myself whisper, "The sun is setting."

I fell asleep watching the news, and to my relief, it wasn't about me. It was about some other person, a boy, a boy who wasn't me. The soft voices lulled me to sleep, into a dreamless sleep.


"What have you told them?"

The voice was so sudden and so unexpected that for a second I didn't believe it was really there. I had to be having a nightmare. But when I opened my eyes, and looked at the doorway, blinking over and over, trying to make the figure at the door go away, nothing happeneded.

"Miles?" I whispered, confused. How did he get in? I'd told Hal not to let any visitors in.

He stepped towards me, his face hard and serious. His eyes burned into mine.

"What have you told them?" he repeated, and I shook my head quickly.

"Nothing Miles. I haven't said anything. If I had, you really think it wouldn't be all over the news?"

He thought about this quietly for a second, and made a noise that I didn't know the meaning of. Did he believe me?

He kept walking over, until he was standing over me, looking down. I breathed slowly, not sure what was going to happen. It was very possible he would hit me. Very possible indeed, because a second later, his hand came flying across my face, and my head whipped to the side.

"Tried to kill yourself, did you? Trying to get away from me?"

I didn't answer, just spit out some blood from my cut lip. He'd hit me hard.

"Answer me Cain." he ordered.

"Yes." I whispered, still not looking at him. "I wanted to get away from you."

He laughed. "Well, you failed." He turned my head towards him, and leaned over me. Under my finger, I could feel the button that Hal had told me to press if I needed him. This would be the time. I needed him.

"You're still mine." Miles said, looking down at me. His eyes were a mixture of anger and glee.

Then he leaned over and I knew he was going to kiss me.

But I didn't want it.

I never wanted it.

But I especially didn't want it now.

I wanted out.

I jerked my head away, and hissed, "Get away from me."

He glared at me, eyes narrowed. "Oh?" he said. "Are you feeling defiant again today?"

"Miles..." I said, starting to say what I wanted to say, then losing my guts when I looked into his face. I took a deep internal breath and tried again, imagining Abel. If I could do this, if I could free myself from Miles, me and Abel could be together with no problems.

But I didn't know what to say! What could I say?

"Go away." I spit out, looking at him, straining against my restraints, hoping to break them, so I could push him away. So I could fight back. I could not fight back in this position.

His hands were suddenly tight on my shoulders, squeezing, his nails digging into the pathetic hospital gown that I was dressed in. I was trying to look brave, but my whole body was shaking, and he felt it for sure.

He sighed. "Cain, I do not want to do this here, but you leave me no choice."

What the hell did that mean?

But I knew what it meant.

"No!" I shouted at him, twisting in my restraints. Damnit! I was stuck! He was pulling the blankets off me, and moving to straddle my lap. My fingers were groping madly for the remote and when I found it, I started hitting all the buttons on it, because I wasn't sure which button was the one I needed, and I couldn't look to see. Miles, not having noticed right away started sliding my hospital gown up.

I screamed and curled my hand into a fist, hitting the remote so hard it slipped off the little table and onto the floor. Miles looked at it, and understood what I had done.

"Cain, you shouldn't have done that." he said, but he knew that he had to go away right then. He ran for the window and threw it open. Apparently we weren't too high off the ground. That or Miles was prepared to risk it. He dropped out of my sight, and at that second, Hal burst in, alarmed by how many times I'd hit the button.

"Cain!?" he said, running over, being followed by three female nurses. They all crowded around me, asking what was wrong, but then Hal gasped, "Cain, your face! Who hit you!?" He took in my appearance and saw the gown was pushed up, the blanket on the floor, and the window open.

And he got it.

"Cain, who just...who was here?" he asked me, and even though I opened my mouth to say it, I couldn't rat him out.

So I started to cry instead.

The female nurses all instantly got maternal and starting comforting me with soft cooing sounds, like I was some little baby. They didn't stop until I calmed down, and once I had, they stood in a corner, all whispering together with Hal. I couldn't hear them, but I had a pretty good idea what they were talking about.

"Don't call the police." I said, and they all gave me looks of horror.

"Sweetie, what are you talking about?" one of them asked, putting a hand on my leg. "You have to te-"

"No!" I said, shaking my head. I couldn't do it. Not like this.

I had to tell them again and again not to call the cops, or tell anybody, not the doctors, reporters, anybody. Finally, they gave in, and the three nurses left, leaving me with Hal. He stood by side and asked, "Is there anything I can get you?"

"Yeah." I answered. "Pen and paper."

Hal's a tiny crossover character from If I die Young. I liked him, so I thought I'd use him again. It's the same Hal, he's just years older now.

It's been almost two years since I started writing this. Damn, I'm slow. Well, it will be over soon.


Me- Yeah. There's probably only like, three or so chapters left. Maybe four. Maybe five.

Abel- Ah, how quickly time passes!

Me- Are you kidding me? I just said it's been almost two years!

Cain- This is gonna end happily right?

Me- Who knows.

Kenny- I have a feeling I'm not gonna end up with Cain.

Me- *grins at him* Nope.

Kenny- *sigh*

Cyril- Why was I even created?

Me- Man you guys are dumb.

Logan- Am I ever gonna show up again?

Me- Of course you are Logan. You're too adorable to pass up.

Logan- Thanks!