Evil Flying Vulture

11563 Sunshine Avenue

Shadow Ville, MN, 55432


Human Resources

Director of Human Resources

11223 Mystery Way

Rockford, PA, 44312

To Whom It May Concern:

I saw this ad in the paper and I believe that I am the perfect applicant to fill the position. I have a passion for protecting the public. I do set high standards for myself and my associates, to provide the highest quality security. The fact that I have been unemployed for seven years is only a small part of the reason I would like this job. I feel that it is my purpose, my destiny even, to be a guardian angel for all man kind. To fully discuss my application, I have cleared my own schedule for a possible appointment, if I am to be considered for the position.

My skills, abilities, and experience are exactly what Agency Blue is looking for. I have had special training, both in and outside of an airplane. The commercial flight that went down near Lake Michigan in 1999 was only saved by knowledge of flying, aircraft, and quick thinking. Although it has been noted that it was my fault the plane went down in the first place, I corrected my minor error quite efficiently. None of the passengers sustained any fatal injuries and only a dozen were maimed for life. I also have two years worth of experience under the watchful eye of Superman. I saw to it that all the victims of the subway disaster in 1989 had the best care any hospital could offer. It seemed only right considering I may have had something to do with the collision, but needless to say I learned and gained wisdom from my mistake.

It is my sincere hope that I am considered for this honored position. I thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to read my request. I hope to fly in a week from now if my appointment is approved.

Respectfully Yours,

Evil Flying Vulture

Evil Flying Vulture

Evil Flying Vulture

11563 Sunshine Avenue

Shadow Ville, MN, 55432


I will protect highly classified personnel and protect the earth.

Job Experience:

11/12/88 – 5/25/90 Sidekick to Superman

Many people are unaware of the fact that Superman had a sidekick for the first two years of his career. I did all the dirty work and made him look good. I took care of hospital arrangements for the average number of victims on a scene. I also personally made sure every villain was secure in prison, before I was fired, that is.

7/30/90 – 9/11/01 Evil Incorporated, Duluth, MN

During my time with Evil Incorporated, I was trained as a professional hijacker. No one ever actually died, which in retrospect is a good thing, but the company did lose some significant amounts of cash. I was also trained as a sniper. They sent me on numerous assassination missions. I shot somebody's cat once, but that was the only thing I ever really hit.


9/30/90 – 4/16/90 Math and Science Academy, Woodbury, MN


I was enrolled in the Evil Monologues for Beginners course, but I was never able to earn all the possible credits due to my expulsion that same year for reasons my lawyer prefers I don't mention. If there are any questions about that, he is able to be reached at his office at 763-555-9876. Ask for Mr. Nev Erwona Case.


I am a professional sniper and hijacker, as was previously mentioned. I am also able to go from zero to sixty in 3.5 seconds in the air. My typing skills do leave something to be desired, but I figure Agency Blue probably won't have me sitting at a computer all day long.