Chapter One: The Past's Hurt Heals with Future's Comfort

Johana's side

I see his nasty, satisfied smile. Then his eyes appeared, mimicking me of my innocence. I know perfectly well who it is. "You mean nothing to me; you were just a tool for me to use when I needed you. You fall so easily without looking at the consequences. Girls like you are so easy to control…"

I stare at him, dazed. There must be something that I can say, something that I can do, to make him stop -

"I guess this means good bye. Well, it doesn't matter. Don't sulk, darling. Don't think I'm some jerk that's here to make your life miserable; think of me as an eye-opener. The world isn't full of true love and happy endings."

"Wait! Don't leave me!" I cry. He disappears into the darkness. My heart stops. Where am I? Why did he leave me? I felt something brush past me and hug me from behind. "Who is it? Dave?" I get it now; it is just a joke. He loves me. He didn't leave me here.

"Don't worry, it's me. Stephen." Stephen? The boy that would treat himself as though he is so much better than everyone else? Why would he be hugging me when he has the perfect opportunity to look at me and convince me that I am just some stupid girl? Why isn't he ignoring me like he usually does, pretending to play his FIFA game app as though I didn't even say a word?

"Leave me alone!" I push him away with all my strength. All I could think about was the warmth and comfort his hug gives me. Being abandoned only preoccupies in the back of my mind. This has to be a trick.

"Everything will be just fine…" He reaches toward me again to embrace me. This time, I let him. But as soon as we touch, I feel a sort of emptiness of happiness. Stephen has disappeared, leaving me once again in the darkness.

"WAKE UP! SHAN SHAN! There are finals today! Last day of school!" I sigh, getting up for the last day of suffering from lack of sleep.

The last day of school is so nerve-wracking. Yes, we finish school. Yes, we just finish taking all of those really, really hard finals. But the most anticipating thing is summer. Ah, the lovely feeling of freedom and leisure. I can't possibly wait any longer.

"Well, that wasn't so bad…" Commenting on the latest exam is a common habit of mine. Luckily, everyone has finished their test early, the perfect time to talk and exchange answers to questions we weren't sure of. I can hardly stand the quiet any longer.

Stephen gives his usually look at me. He always has that I'm-so-better-than-you expression painted on his face. If he had done that to everyone, it wouldn't have mattered. Well, he does do that occasionally, but that's not the point. The point is that he always thinks that he and I are totally different species, as though I was a cockroach and he was some superior being that could crush me easily. I have gotten used to it and just ignore it. His mouth opens and I prepare myself for a verbal blow. "Wait. Um… I heard you're ….never mind. Um, will you go out with me?"

That was not the mordant hit I had been expecting. "Umm…I don't know what to say..." My voice trails off as the entire room became anxious and quiet. A guy that rejects a girl and then asks her out isn't any type of everyday drama, however.

"What do you mean, 'I don't know?' It's either yes or no, I like you or I don't. You're in Advanced English. You know how to answer a question. So what is it?"

"You enjoy doing this, don't you? You always enjoy making fun of me. Is this some sort of a joke? What makes you think that I would fall in love with you so easily? Just when I think you could just leave me alone for one day."

"You didn't answer my question."

"Why should I? This is just a joke, just a rhetorical question so that I'll be laughed at. Go on, laugh at me. Isn't it so funny to ask the least-liked girl out and break her heart the next day? I know what heartbreak is like and how it's just a joke for the other person. I'm not falling for your trap." I was quite content with my self-standing-up until I saw his face red with anger.

"Since when was I that type of a guy? Since when did I do things like that? Just because you think that everyone hates you, that doesn't mean I do. You're pretty. There. You're smart. There. You're kind – most of the time. There. Why the hell don't you understand that I LIKE YOU?" he howls loudly and is about to leave when the bell rang. I grab his shoulder and said, "Here's your answer." I passed him a piece of hastily folded paper. And as I ran away into the crowds, I saw him jumping up and pumping his fist in the air, yelling out that inaudible "Yes!" I smile.

Maybe he isn't so bad after all. It's a pity that he doesn't know that even though I love him, I will never allow myself to be in a relationship ever again. Heartbreak's pain isn't worth anything.