on a beautiful night
while the car is cutting through the thick of the warm evening air
a dark night, because a storm is coming
the clouds cover the stars
the wind blows through the open windows
and stirs my hair, still wet from the shower
my fingers rake the gush of fresh summer air,
dangling out the window
my gaze is settled on something imperceptible

I think of you

you come to me like a vision
in memories

suddenly I realize that
there is a gaping hole in my life where you should be

sometimes it occurs to me that I miss you
even though I hate you
even though it hurts
and I don't quite understand why I have to suffer
on sultry summer evenings
when I should be happy
when I should feel free
when I'm holding hands with someone next to me
who probably won't hurt me
the way that you do

sometimes I hope I'm still hurting you