My name is Tristan Lucas
By Dan Gregory


My name is Tristan Lucas.
I'm twelve.
My wish is to be a great basketball player and go to the national championship with my best friend, Joseph.
He's the best, the greatest friend I've ever had.
He's the only one who actually cares about me.
I wish he's here with me right now…


I don't have a mother.
I just have my dad as my family.
I love him, but he never does look at me the same way I look at him.

"Morgan, how could you actually do this? He's your son, for God's sake!"

"I'll never admit him as one. If he wasn't here, Janette wouldn't have died!"

"Stop thinking about the past! You're just making everything worse!"

"I don't care."

"He's your son! He's going through a lot right now, he needs his father to support him!"

"I'm not his father!"

"Yes you are, Morgan!"

"Well, if you care about him so much, why don't you go to him?"

"I'm just his uncle. It doesn't mean as much as a father's support."

"Morgan, please. Don't do this. You're being too much. It was never his fault that she died. He didn't do anything. He's innocent!"

"If he wasn't there from the start, all this wouldn't have happened."

"It already did happen! What, so you're blaming everything on him because he existed?"

"Exactly."

"Morgan, you…!"

"You don't get it, Anthony! You don't know anything about Jeanette and I! You don't!"

"I know, but still…!"

"Just shut up! Shut up! Stop butting in people's business!"

"Morgan, get your head straight. Please. Think of how Jeanette will feel if you're doing this to your own son."

"Thanks to him, I won't know how she feels, because she's dead!"

Uncle Anthony and dad think that I'm sleeping.
But I'm not, and I can hear everything they're saying outside of the ward.
I don't know how I'm supposed to feel right now, see.
I thought that maybe Dad would come and hug me and console me when I had this accident, like how the father of the boy next to my boy did when his son was placed in the hospital.
He just got off that afternoon. I heard his father saying that they'll all go to TGI Fridays to celebrate him coming out of the hospital.

Wouldn't it be great if that happens to me?

It'll be so great.

So great…


The doctor told me everything would be alright.
But he's just lying.
I'm supposed to be angry about it, but it isn't his fault. It really isn't.
He's just trying to make me feel better.

"He'll be alright. His injuries will heal in time. But… I'm afraid that he can't use his legs anymore."

"What?"

"I'm sorry. We did our best, but we can't give him back his legs."

"He'll have to use a wheelchair from now on."

I heard everything.
I always do.
Even when people try to hide me the truth, I always get to hear it. I don't know why.

"Hello, Lucas. How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine, Uncle."

"That's great to know."

Uncle Anthony's a kind man.
He looks after me all the time. I'd love to see him as a dad, instead of my real dad.
But I just can't. He's a very nice and fatherly man, but he does all the kind things to me only out of pity.

It's because my dad doesn't really care much about me.

When I won an award for him on Sports Day, Dad never came to see it.
It was uncle.
When it's parent-and-student day, I didn't even see a glimpse of dad.
In the end, I was the only one in class without a parent.
It was like that every year.
And then, Uncle Anthony would always appear to save the day.
Even when I scored perfect on my tests, Dad never did care.
All the things I do for him… They never had any effect on him.
I did my best in everything. I put my all. I tried my hardest.
In the end, it was Uncle who congratulated me for it.

Not Dad.
Not the one who I wanted to be noticed from.

But it was Uncle.

I thought that Uncle could be my dad.
I used to see him that way.
I wanted to call him "Dad".

But then, I noticed it.
He didn't do it to me out of love.
It wasn't anything like that.

It was just… pity.

He pities me.

Me, the pitiful son whose father never cared about.
The kid whose father can't be bothered to look after.
That little boy who doesn't have any support from his family.

That's how uncle looks at me.

Even after I was almost rolled by a car, it was Uncle who came to see me.
He was my only visitor.

I often hear the nurses whisper about me.

"Where's his father?"
"I heard that the little boy's an orphan."
"What about that man who's always here?"
"That's his uncle."
"Doesn't he have a mom?"
"No, no, he's an orphan, remember?"
"I was told that he has a father."
"Are you sure? Where is he, then?"
"I don't know…"

Everyone pities me.
Pity that boy, his father didn't even come to see him after he had that nasty accident.
Pity that boy, he doesn't have a mother.

Everyone does it out of pity.
I guess nobody really cares about me, huh?
Hahaha…

I can't help it.
When things like this happen, I'd just smile.
It naturally comes, that smile.
Even if I don't, nothing will change.
So, rather than making myself feel bad about stuff, I'd just smile and think that it'll be okay.

Maybe… Even if I have to stay in a wheelchair, I'd somehow get better later on.

Yeah! That'll happen!

It will.
It will.
I'm sure it will…


"Lucas, do you know why people use wheelchairs?"

"Because they can't use their legs."

"Well, you see…"

Uncle looks very uncomfortable. He shifts his hands nervously, trying to find the right word to say.

"I have to use one, don't I?"

He looks at me, surprised.
Slowly, uncle nods.

"Does that mean that I can't play basketball anymore?"

"I…"

"I'm sorry."

Should I say it isn't fair?

I love basketball.
When I dribble the ball along with Joseph, I feel so happy, as if I can do anything I want in this world.
I forget about dad, about uncle, about all my problems.
It was bliss.
Is it unfair for me to lose my legs?

I never had anything I wished more than wanting to play basketball.
I want to go to the nationals, to the states, and to the world championship.
I even promised Joseph.

But now…

I guess I can't.
Oh, well. It can't be helped.
That's right, I'll just smile like usual.

"It's okay. I don't mind. I'll find a new hobby."

"Really? That's wonderful!"

Uncle looks so very relieved.

I guess I shouldn't be selfish and be angry about it.
I mean, I still have my hands.
Right…?


No, it's not.

It's not right.
It never is.
It never was, from the start.

I don't want this.

I wish dad loves me.
I wish my mom never died.

I want my legs back. I want to walk again.
I want to play basketball.
I want to go to the championships with Joseph.

I'm so stupid.

Why did I bother trying hard?
Even if I have the highest score in class, Dad doesn't care.
Even if I'm the first in every sports event, it never made Dad proud.
Even if I create some sort of trouble, he won't punish me about it.
He'd just let it go.

Even when I lose my legs, he didn't bother.

Uncle never cares.
He simply pities.
That's it.
That's all there to it.

Nobody cares.

… I wish somebody does.

I wish I have a family.
Like that boy beside me.
His injuries were lighter than mine.
But his whole family came for him.
His dad, his mom, his siblings, his grandpa, his cousins.

I'm so stupid.

Wishing doesn't give me anything.

I'm so stupid.
I'm so stupid.
I'm so stupid…

I didn't want to cry.
I want to believe everything's fine.

But it's never going to be fine.

I'm so dumb.
So dumb, so dumb…

If I have a mother, I wonder if she'll come to console me…?

That's right… I don't have one.

I'm so stupid.
I'm so stupid.
I'm so stupid…

I shouldn't have survived that accident.
I should have died.

Dad likes it better that way.
Uncle will be relieved, because he won't have to pity his pitiful nephew again.
I guess only Joseph will be upset if I'm not there anymore.

He's the only one who cares.


My name is Tristan Lucas.
I'm twelve.
My wish is to be a great basketball player and go to the national championship with my best friend, Joseph.
But I lost my legs, so I can't.
So now, I have a new wish.

My wish is to die.

THE END