Characters (in order of appearance)
Hart Aebersold—A serious, solemn newscaster, nearly always with a frown on his face. Is often angry with Vivian, who is much more childish and carefree. Always takes care that his wife irons and presses his clothes to keep up his respectable image. Tries harder than almost anyone to impress his boss, but Vivian, the boss's daughter, will always be favored.
Vivian Higgins—Playful, very much the "early for the party, late for the funeral" type (flaky.) As often accused under Aebersold's breath, never had to work for anything in her life. Her father being her boss, she got the newscaster job quite easily. Frequently comes in late to work with stories of "traffic," or "relatives" staying over the night before. Has a large and obvious crush on Steel Bladezz, along with numerous other actors or musicians. Fairly, very to some, attractive, what with her weekly mani/pedis and the pink suits she wears to work.
Percius Weatherby—A productive, semi-well-known scientist with a number of doctorates and degrees in various subjects. Has two daughters and one son that the public is mostly unaware of. Not considered a particularly good father by either his wife or his children, as he's at work most hours of the day, but provides money for them, the one thing that keeps his wife from taking the children and leaving. Pays an extreme amount, perhaps too much, of attention to detail, but little to no attention goes to dressing. He'll wear the same classic long white lab coat for days in a row, and tops it all off with thick protective glasses. Very much a scientist, in other words. 456 is, in his opinion, his most important invention, but others seem to prize the Rabid Rabbit a bit more.
Test Subject 456—A child given by his parents as a test subject to Dr. Weatherby at a week old. Doesn't remember life before, however, so doesn't miss it. His brain was switched with that of a monkey, giving a monkey's body the power to speak a human language, and vice versa.
Baby Simon—A toddler, really, but often considered a baby due to his size. Chosen from an advanced preschool to test the Rabid Rabbit. He doesn't understand the purpose of the machine, and he can't use the gears correctly, but he can sort of pick stuff up with it. Which is, evidently, enough for the news story.
Steel Bladezz—An average "rock star"; virtually the same as any other electric guitarist/singer out there, i.e. can play "Stairway to Heaven" and has an okay voice, hidden behind AutoTune and other various devices. His unending number of fangirls, however, convinces him that he's the best. Heard that he would get paid by appearing on the story, so decided to show up. Doesn't really know what the Rabid Rabbit is, and has never heard of Hanover, Indiana.
On the streets of Hanover—A small suburb, namely Hanover, Indiana, the one shown in Aebersold's pictures. Shows mostly destruction, aside from one recently-fixed television tower, in front of which stand the reporters through most of the show. Town is landlocked, but fairly close to the Ohio River, where the hurricane was generated, and is not big enough to logically make an earthquake; the mystery of the story.
Dr. Weatherby's lab—A typical scientist's lab, one might say. Many desks and tables spread around, holding many vials of strange liquids, some of which have broken and spilled around the room. Test Subject 456, along with the monkey's body, are in separate cages on a desk against one wall.
Hart Aebersold: (holding up a picture of a calm small suburb) Hanover, Indiana. A calm, peaceful town, not entirely satisfying to its teenagers. Nothing to do on most days. But nature mocked the quiet citizens of Hanover on the night of December 21, 2012. Many believed it was indeed the end of the world that they had been expecting. But we know now that it wasn't. No, not the end of the world, but certainly the end of Hanover, Indiana, we thought, and, we know, the end of many a brave man or machine. (holds up picture of destroyed town—appearing to be the same suburb as before) It was a natural disaster that struck Hanover that night, one of Mother Nature's favorite ways of showing us who's boss. As you know, it worked. It brought us all to the harsh reality that not all that is seemingly impossible really is. No one would have guessed that this could happen to a town so far away from large bodies of water. For it was a hurricane that struck Hanover all these years ago. How did this happen? It is, alas, still unknown. But ever since, scientists have been working on a machine that could restore what was lost of Hanover, Indiana in the hurricane. We have finally found it. The Rabid Rabbit was created by a team of scientists to fix the biggest loss, Hanover's broken television tower. The television tower is being restored as we speak. Once news of the Rabid Rabbit gets out, every company is going to need it. I will turn you over to my partner, Vivian Higgins, for more of our story regarding the Rabid Rabbit.
Vivian Higgins: Thanks, Hart! (buttons last buttons of vest, brushes out wrinkles in clothes, etc.) So, so sorry for being late again; I had a… friend spend the night last night. Anywho… (turns to face camera) do you want to protect your company from harm? You do, don't you? Well you can with the new… (spreads arms wide and in the air, as if to say 'voila!') Rabid Rabbit! (walks to Weatherby's lab while talking) What we have here is a miracle machine, the only one created to fix Hanover's problems. But who we have here is one of the scientists that helped make the Rabid Rabbit. It's Percius Weatherby! How you doing, Percius?
Percius Weatherby: (fiddling with something on his desk) Shhh… Can't be bothered… Working.
Vivian: (struggling to maintain image while being filmed, but can't hide her impatience with Weatherby) I'm here about the Rabid Rabbit, Dr. Weatherby. Can we hear something about it?
Weatherby: …Rabid Rabbit? Oh, of course! Of course I'll tell you about it!... But not long; I's a (nods while talking) very busy man.
Vivian: Sounds good… So, tell me something.
Weatherby: Well, my daughter, see, she likes ze rabbits, ze bunnies. We name it for her. We make it look like ze bunny for her, no?
Vivian: I meant tell us about how it was made, Dr. Weatherby. And what it does.
Weatherby: Well, what we needed to do was get the bad stuff out, get the good stuff in. You see?
Vivian: (looks annoyed, chews cheek) Not… not really. Could you explain?
Weatherby: (long sigh) Fine! There was bad stuff—faulty materials, that is—in the TV tower. And we needed to get it out. Then we get good, clean materials and put them in the tower. 'Sall good, then, eh? It's all good. (pause, Vivian nods) But no! You interrupted me, so it's taking me longer to do the work. And more things need fix! So were making more Rabbits. Soon, every company has one. And I have money! (pause, Weatherby nods repeatedly) Oh, oh, you want to hear about my latest experiment, don't you? I have transferred the brain of a monkey to a human's body, and also the reverse. Here is Test Subject 456!
Test Subject 456: (monkey noises)
Vivian: I… see… That's… peachy, huh? The Rabid Rabbit is wonderful!
456: (persistent monkey noises, points at Vivian)
Vivian: (shoos 456, walks away) Speaking of which, one of the reasons it's so great is that it's so easy to use. (pause, Simon enters) Yup, the Rabid Rabbit is so easy to operate, a toddler can do it. Say hello to Baby Simon!
Baby Simon: I can do machine! I a big boy!
Vivian: Isn't he sweet? Just a baby, and he can operate the Rabid Rabbit.
Simon: I NOT A BABY!
Vivian: (laugh) Of course not. (Simon leaves, Steel enters) Oh, here's someone else that loves the Rabid Rabbit. I think you'll recognize him! (giggles, looks immaturely excited) Its everyone's favorite electric guitarist and singer… Steel Bladezz!
Steel Bladezz: 'Sup, Vivs? How's it going?
Vivian: Great, Steel, great! What do you think about the Rabid Rabbit?
Steel: Yeah, yeah, dis machine. It like… da bomb!
Vivian: Anything you like in particular?
Steel: Well, um… (shaky laugh, looks at wrist) Woah, woah! Nice talkin' to ya, but I gotta go, man. To my fans who are watching—love y'all, have a great day, alright? See ya, Vivs.
Vivian: Bye, Steel! We'll all make sure to buy your new album! (looks after Steel for a while, then turns to camera with huge, excited smile, holds for a few more seconds) There you have it! Even Steel Bladezzloves the Rabid Rabbit. Well, who wouldn't? It's compact and useful. Its indestructible—waterproof, bulletproof, you name it. Affordable too; all for the low, low price of 500 gazillion dollars! All in all, the Rabid Rabbit is the best machine ever! I hope you'll consider it if you own a tower or building. And I hope it can help the rest of Hanover to be rebuilt. I'll give you back to my partner, Hart Aebersold now. Bye, everyone! (waves excitedly, gives microphone to Aebersold)
Aebersold: (takes microphone, looks disapprovingly at Vivian) The town of Hanover, Indiana is being slowly rebuilt. And it's all thanks to the Rabid Rabbit. If you have a tower or company you want to protect, I'm sure you will buy your own. The Rabid Rabbit, everyone. You can look online at .com or at our own website, .net for more information. I'd tell it all myself, but we don't have enough time.