No matter how many times I remind myself and Alyssa that I love her with all my heart, I'd give anything just to end the heartache. I love spending every minute with Alyssa but I wish I could see her more often. I see her for only a few hours and then I have to live without seeing her for weeks, sometimes months. I miss feeling her lips against mine, hearing her laugh, seeing her smile. I didn't want to think about her too much because then I'd end up missing her. I felt like I needed to be around her and being seperated was constantly killing me. I kind of wished that I didn't have to deal with it.
Today I was able to meet her at the library as usual. When I walked downstairs, she was there looking at some of the books on the shelves. She was always a bookworm ever since we were small. She even forced me to read her Percy Jackson by chasing me until I said I would read it. Well actually I ended up tripping over myself and falling on my face and she was too busy laughing to chase me.
Anyway, we exchanged tentative hellos and we small talked about school and reminisced about our childhood as usual. I would've pounced on her already if only we weren't in public. I missed her so much and I wanted to kiss her so badly.
"So have you heard from Richard?" Alyssa asked quietly.
"No, actually," I sighed sadly.
The incident in Fordham reminded me about how worried I was about both Alyssa and him. I was very grateful that Alyssa wasn't hurt, but I was still so haunted by the idea of Richard getting hurt.
"You know, I still feel guilty for what happened, even if Richard tells me not to blame myself," she sighs.
"Hey, stop blaming yourself. At least you were there to stop him from continuing." Because I wasn't there.
I remebered how he invited me to visit Alyssa and since I declined, I secretly blamed myself. I almost couldn't study for finals last week because I was too worried and I kept praying that both Richard and Alyssa were okay. I knew that Alyssa was full of guilt and was hurting emotionally if not physcially.
"I guess," she mumbled and leaned her head on my shoulder. I wrapped my arms around her even though we're still in public. "Anyways, how's school?"
We kept talking about school from that point on. After about an hour and a half, we decided to leave the library. But before we could part ways, I couldn't stop myself from asking her.
"Can't I at least kiss you before we go?"
At first she hesitated a little, but then she closed the distance between and kissed me. I felt a sigh escape my lips. I opened my mouth the same time she opened hers and our tongues started crashing against each other, fighting for dominance. I pulled her against me, leaning against the wall. My hands slipped underneath her shirt and touched the edges of her bra. Her hands slid down to my pants. Nine months ago, this would've felt awkward, but we've done a lot of second base things that made this nothing in comparison.
We would've gone further, but Alyssa's phone started ringing. She scowled and pulled away to check her phone.
"I'm sorry. I couldn't help myself," I said before I could stop myself. She sighed; I knew she hated it when I apologized.
"No, it's fine," she said quietly, glancing at her phone. She cursed under her breath.
"It was my mom. It's almost six."
"Shit, I need to get home too."
"Okay, I'll talk to you later."
"Alright, bye," I said, kissing her and hugging her before I left. Little did I know that it would be the last time before I couldn't see her for a long time.
My dad got home twenty minutes after I did. He simply asked me about school and we small talked for a while before I went to do my homework. When my mom came home at nine, we ate dinner.
I was on the computer, waiting for Alyssa to come online. It was already nine thirty and I was getting worried. What if she got in trouble? Her parents must have found out and now she's forbidden to see me. Maybe she just went to bed early. She does get tired around nine or ten.
My thoughts were pushed aside when my phone beeped, indicating that I got a text. I checked my phone and there was a text from Alyssa. My worst fears were confirmed when I read the text.
I got in trouble with my mom. She knows about us.
I started panicking and I replied to her instantly.
Idk but when I got home, she was asking about where I was and then she said she knows that I'm sneaking out to see u.
Well what are we going to do?
I think we need to take a break. Wait until my mom isn't so mad. Sorry.
no it's ok.
No, it's not okay. I started to feel bad about regretting this relationship and wishing that I didn't have to deal with it; now I got my wish. After a year and three months, I thought we were getting used to this relationship. Even though it was getting more difficult to see her, I still didn't want to end it completely. I love her too much.
After all that effort, I got careless and lost track of time and now I probably lost her.
Sorry it's so short and I don't know when I'll update again since school's starting in a week. But this story is coming to a close soon. Review so I can update faster!