My parents had my brother Samuel, and two years later they had Ginny. Their lives would go downhill right after I came into their life.

Being the youngest of three siblings was nice; I get babied a lot by my parents and have two older siblings to torment as well.

My childhood was great! All the silly things you do as a child. Drinking dad's remaining beer when he isn't looking (puked it all out instantly), running around butt naked in the neighbourhood and having two front teeth knocked out when doing a skateboarding stunt is what a boy should do in his life.

Had my first shave when I was fifteen and promised myself to never shave again.

At the age of seventeen, just before college started, dumped my girlfriend as she was busy playing "train in a tunnel" with some other guy. What a perfect leaving gift for me.

At college, hung out with two parties, beer jocks and gaming nerds. They were all I needed in college.

Played train in a tunnel with my new girlfriend at twenty-four, had to marry shotgun and that marks the end of my wonderful bachelor life.

Boring adult life soon hits me; I had to go out to get a job, anything to put bread on the table. For the first few years the women in my life are just awful. One is whiney, the other one is emotional. Oh please why is this happening to me?

The years past and I am slowly losing more up there and gaining more below. My wife had another baby, that's one more emotional kid for me to handle.

And then she had another one. Women are so overrated. Now it's four versus one.

If I'm going to hear another sentence of "oh my god, Simon hates me so much because I'm too fat," I swear I am going to shoot myself dead with my handgun.

My kids all grew up to be sweet to me. Maybe having children aren't that bad after all. My eldest girl eventually found another boyfriend (Simon was a jerk anyways) who was a chef. Gained 30 pounds and never regretted it. My second daughter studies ballet; turned into a guy and married another woman. Third daughter couldn't care less about love. I think mental calculations made her fry her brain.

At the age of fifty four my wife just screamed "enough! I had it". She drove away and I never saw her again. Crashing my car with her inside it was sure fun for her.

At sixty, all my daughters have their children already. My eldest had two sons and gained another fifty pounds. My second daughter/son adopted two girls. For my third daughter, let's just say she followed in my footsteps, joyous for me, hell for her.

Now currently at seventy five, with my grandchildren all beside me, what more could a grandfather hope for? Now I only have to wait till grim pays me a visit.