it, wasn't the same before
because I had seven names
and he never called in the first place
so it just never happened and
it really never made me sad.

so I thought "I'll just
shake loose and they"
being someone I not only
detested but loved "they
won't even realize I've gone."

but these thoughts are blank on paper
they do not exist. I cannot open any
door and find him there. if the cold metal
comforts me, it has nothing to do with him.
and if I don't ever come back its not because
of the words I cannot say while I cannot be loved.