"Coming soon to Fox summer, the summer's hottest, newest cultural phenomena. Six men will experience the greatest, most difficult, yet most enduring challenge of their lives...MOTHERHOOD! Three kids, one car, six weeks! Who will survive?"
"No, no, that's not right!" Another crumpled paper to the floor, just like my life. One crumpled paper after the next. It's how I got through college really, crumpling one major, then the next, until I wound up getting my degree in the one subject everyone who has no idea what they want to do with their life majors in, English. And while I appreciate the finer pieces of the subject such as works by Hawthorne and Maupassant, the world outside the college classroom rarely has a place for literature readers. Well, I'm sure it does, but none of those "places" involve being paid any money, (outside of a Borders stockroom that is).
Unlike many young boys, I grew up in and around books, slowly picked up writing, and I guess it just snowballed from there. That's why I'm a writer. It was, still is, and may only be the only job I'll ever be good at. But I'll bet anyone who read the lame-o starter to my promo would never think that. An English major fresh out of George Mason University isn't supposed to have a job with a major television company, more or less; an actual job writing promo's or working directly with the executive producer of only the greatest, most successful, show of our time, "Mr. Mom!" I will admit I had a little help, actually, more like divine intervention. I was destined to become a poor starving artist, wandering the U Street corridor of Washington D.C., hitting up poetry readings and armature nights...that is, until my fiancée's, cousin's, boyfriend's, uncle, or some equally convoluted chain of connections landed me this job. I spilled hot coffee on the executive producer, or at that point, I should say, "developer" of the show and instead of being fired, I landed this job; helping write promos and work on P.R. for the show. At first, nothing too horrible, just some light editing here and there; that was, until Bob quit, but I'm just getting way ahead of myself. The real point of this little anecdote remains the same, no matter how you look at it. I'm in way over my head...I've know this since last week when Jerry, my boss, informed me that I'd be taking the sixth slot on the show.
It started out like any other Monday, Luke over in the next cubicle yaps on the phone to his secret gay lover for the first two hours he's here, and I have the honor and distinct privilege of having to hear his high pitched voice through the rice paper thin walls they divide this dump up with. Apparently, Mickey in security heard from Jean down the hall, that one of the six contestants, who were scheduled to begin filming for the show, next week mind you, just dropped out. Some legality over citizenship and prize money I think. Ordinarily, I wouldn't think anything of it. With reality TV, the casting call lines quite literally wrap twice, if not more, around four city blocks. There's no shortage of people wanting to be on the show, it's the legalities into the prize money and the qualifications for the show that become the real issue. Given that the show needs a sixth person and several eligible men already work in the P.R. department, why not pull one of them? And how much do you want to bet, that Jerry, my oh so lovely boss, wants to get back at me for spilling hot coffee on him... he put me into the sixth slot, yet still has me working until filming's ready to begin. Though I wouldn't consider myself the competitive type, losing on a show of this magnitude on national television not only would embarrass me, but also my fiancée, family, not to mention my college buddies who would never let me live it down!
The premise of the show is simple; the best Mr. Mom wins. Six married or engaged men are thrown into suburbia, (in this case, a Washington D.C. suburb) with three kids, whose ages range anywhere from six to 17. Based on their scores in completing Mom-like "challenges", the men either "win" or "lose" different privileges, commonplace to American mothers. Their scores from these challenges, combined with their scores from their "children", and the votes of America determines who stays and who goes each week. Since I'm the noob, I don't know many of the twists the producer has in store for us, but from what I hear, it's pretty intense. After all, motherhood, or fatherhood, rather is intense, isn't it?