The Nursery

Good morning my little darling! How are you this morning? You made mummy a little sick this morning but that's ok, I know you didn't do it on purpose. I'll forgive you. I started thinking about what I wanted to call you this morning. I was thinking something uplifting, like Kai, that means to rejoice! Or how about Sam? Sam means 'God has listened' and that's how I feel when I think about you. God has listened! I prayed for you, I prayed for you for so long and now here you are! Well...not right now but soon you'll be here. It's not long now is it?

Mummy started making up the nursery for you this morning. I've painted all the walls a sort of cream colour and I've got pink and blue on standby for the border. I don't know whether you're a girl or a boy yet but soon I'll know won't I darling? I went to the doctors to ask them if could have scan and they could tell me what you'll be, I mean I simply won't have time to decorate when you arrive will I? Ha ha! But they told me I couldn't have one. Silly doctors with their silly excuses. Thank goodness all your teddies are neutral colours eh? I was careful on that front, you have to have toys when you get here, though I just know that I'll spoil you rotten when you arrive!

Now I know you'll be a little sad because daddy won't be here to help mummy, but don't hold it against him. Mummy will do just fine on her own. Your daddy wasn't a bad man, he was actually quite nice, it's a shame things didn't work out. But daddy said some terrible things about you, terrible things that I couldn't forgive, so he had to go. But maybe he'll come around, after all when he sees you he'll fall in love. How can he not? You'll be so beautiful! I can't wait to see you, I just know you're going to be perfect, just perfect!

I've got everything ready for you, I had a baby shower but can you believe no one came? They said they thought I was joking? Why would I be joking? I have some strange friends darling, they'll be your aunty and uncles when you come along. `But because no one came I had to buy everything myself! Not that I mind, though I did get some funny looks at the baby store, probably because I was buying so much! Well you're worth every penny my darling, every penny.

How I have waited to meet you! It's dragging so much though, sometimes I feel like nine months is a lifetime. It feels like you should have been here ages ago but I guess it's just coz I can't wait to meet you! Every day is like a year or something, but you'll be here soon right? I really should get a doctor to actually scan you just to make sure you're ok and to tell me when exactly I can expect you. The first scan seemed so long ago...surely I should have had another one by now? I think I'll just have to go force myself on some doctors, hee hee can you imagine? Demanding a scan like that? What will they think of me? But I suppose what can I do? They told me that they would be in touch for my next one and I'm sure the date has passed. I just know it has. Well first thing tomorrow I'll go back and find out what's going on. Today I simply have too much to do. I simply must get on the phone to work, they keep asking me when I'm coming back, but I'm sure we went over this when I signed off on maternity leave? Ah they probably lost the form, my darling, some silly person probably got me mixed up with someone else and thinks I should have been back ages ago. The world is full of silly people isn't it my darling? Then I have to go into town. I know I shouldn't, everytime I do I end up buying something new. But it's all worth it. I'd sell everything I own for you my darling, in fact I almost did but daddy stopped me. Which is a bit silly considering he left anyway so what does it matter? I wish he hadn't left, I think you, me and daddy could have had a wonderful time together. But he said you weren't coming, he said we needed to let go? Let go? Of you my darling? Why would I let you go after trying so hard to find you? He was a silly man really, what a silly man. He said he needed help, but why would he need help? When you come along everything will be fine! Besides he's got his own little ones now but don't think he won't love you even though he's got his others. He won't love you as much as I will of course, because you won't have to share me with anyone. I'll be all yours and you my darling will be all mine.