Summary continued: ...but can he keep up his act long enough to survive in a world he was never meant to see?
I'm not going to start this out by saying you're going to die or not die if you do or don't read this because really? Do you realize how long it would take me to find all you people only to kill you? That just sounds like a waste of both of our valuable times. So, let's not and say we did. Agreed?
If you don't agree, I'm sorry. I'm also not going to hunt down all you messed up people, who obviously need help, or exorcism or something. That would take even longer and besides, we all know therapists are big jokes.
However, I am going to start this out by telling you some things. Five, to be exact. If you have a problem with that for God's sake skip them. I can't be bothered to sit down and solve all your problems for you. Don't look at me like I'm some jerk. You don't know me. (Yet.) Would you like to sit down and sort out all my problems?
I thought not.
So, here goes:
1: My name is Alexander Jenry King. No, that is not a typo. My middle name really is "Jenry." Just…just shut up. I'll explain it later, okay? Okay.
3: People call me AJ. Except for my "family", who call me Alexander. Unfortunately. I hate long names. Like, what if you're trying to avenge someone, while fighting some kind of evil spirit and their name is like, 28 syllables long and they kill you while you're trying to say whoever's name? Yeah, I guess this should have been number 2… Oh well…I guess I'll switch it for you people.
2: I am not schizophrenic, or, insane, or "not right in the head" or "messed up" or anything else my current aunt (step-aunt? Is there such a thing?), Tina, or "my friend Nancy" (my therapist…) say. One adjective I don't mind, is paranoid. There's nothing wrong with being a little precautionary. I prefer spiritualist, or, like, ghost hunter. Not Ghost Busters. Don't get me started on that. To this day, I'm convinced that movie was just a ploy to keep people from exploring the hunting arts and etiquette. (If you can't tell, I'm lifting my pinkies like I'm at some kind of tea party. Not in Wonderland though. I'm convinced that whole thing was full of bad auras. What? Yes. I can see auras sometimes. It's a very particular and interesting art.) Those guys in their Spandex suits couldn't hunt their way out of a paper bag.
4: Before you read this, I would really appreciate it if you were properly protected from the evil forces that linger around and within our communities. Put up a proper barrier, grab your spray gun, a silver cross wouldn't hurt anything. If you are what I think you are, and you know who you are if I'm talking about you, I'll have to exorcise you. Prepare to feel the thunder.
5: I'm inclined to warn you that this is One Of Those Sad Stories Where Someone Really Awesome Dies. No, I'm not talking about me. At least, I don't think so. Another adjective to describe me would not be narcissistic. You'll probably only know her and them for, like, barely anything, but I still think it's sad. Just a fair warning.
And…that's about it. Darn it all, I just realized that I didn't switch the numbers on number two and number three…That's what I get for being lazy and just using the copy and paste keys instead of just retyping it like a normal person who works hard for what they do and don't use "CTRL-V."
Oh well. That's about it. I'll explain other stuff later, but I have to go. I think They've discovered my position. You know very well who I'm talking about. I'm looking around nonchalantly now, just so you know.
You saw nothing! Actually, you didn't, considering you're reading this. But, seriously, I was never here. I would say I disappeared in a puff of smoke, but last time I tried that, it totally blew up in my face. Literally. It probably attracted all kinds of evil spirits so I don't go near explosives anymore. Especially not our haunted toaster. Yes, toasters can be haunted. Have you seen the way they mutilate poor, innocent, perfectly good pieces of bread? Something like that has to be evil. Or at least slightly demonic.
Okay, I'm really leaving now. Seriously, though, you saw nothing. Even if you didn't see anything, you saw even less than that, alright?
(Gosh, now I've confused myself. I'd bang my head against that wall but it my rouse resting spirits and you just never know with them. Better safe than sorry.)