I've been so confused these past few days,
Nothing's making sense.
When I look at the mirror, I see a stranger,
I feel I've lost my essence.
I thought I was walking down a straight road,
I didn't know there would be this twist.
I thought I was completely focused on my goal,
Now it's another problem on my list.
I wanna toss a coin but I don't trust an object
To know what's the right choice.
I wanna find the right way, that'll lead me home,
I wanna listen to that right voice.
I turn to the oracles, and they feed me such
I turn to my friend, but the question is if I'm
Strong enough to listen to her.
So maybe in my heart I do know what's right,
And where I'm headed.
And maybe I'm scared to face the facts and
See how deep it's embedded.
All my life I have run away, and I'm so tempted
To do that again.
I'm so confused all day, I don't know what to do,
I don't wanna end up in pain.
I'm so ashamed of myself that I can't even look
My mother in the eyes.
I see a future with uncertainty and question marks.
And my heart secretly cries.
My heart has been a toy for boys for as long as I can
Remember, I guess.
Is he worth risking the pain and hurt that can come,
Worth the possible mess?
I feel like I'm stuck between "just friends", and "more",
I'm somewhere in the middle.
I don't know if we are moving at all- if we will ever do,
It's all just a big confusing riddle.
Is this relationship even something that I should try
to work to build?
What if the castle I'm dreaming of crumbles to dust?
What if my emotions are killed?
Why is the right thing to do always so damn hard,
Now what do I do?
I wanna listen to my heart, wanna give in to how
I feel, wanna be true.
But why does it feel like what I see as a white picket fence
Is actually just an illusion?
If it was right, why would I be so confused and asking myself
So many questions?
Yeah, I need to break it off, I need to get off the hook,
Possibly soon, and really fast.
But then he's so charming and he says just the right thing,
How long will my resolution last?
I wanna run away this time again, leave my world behind,
If this is what it takes.
I'm just tired of thinking, contemplating and feeling guilty;
I'm tired of my mistakes.
One day I'd woke up just to find that he's already
found somebody else.
And I let my Mr. Right pass away in the process,
yeah, his charm pales.
I messed up a perfect friendship, and I'll regret it,
Yes, I know.
But this needs to end as soon as possible now,
I have to let go.
A/N: How in the world can chemistry-phobia lead to a poem like this? O.o :P