there is darkness crowding me,
surrounding me, pressing at my edges.

and i'm holding as hard as i can to the lonely lights remaining in my eyes. but i can feel it slipping away ever so slowly. my insomnia is kicking in again and i'm just too tempted to give it all up, to sit on my bed night after night and pour intricate words onto inviting pages. filling up one notebook, then another and another. i've done it so many times - unclenched my fist, released my death-grip on ugly-rare joy and yesterdays. burned the photographs and letters, said to myself, this time i mean it, this time i'm done.

but i don't want to lose it again,
don't want to give in to my own inner demons.
i've just barely got happiness in my grasp,
my strongest grip is oh-so weak,
and i'm so fucking scared to lose this tentative peace
i've found.

but even as i pray to a god i'm
not so sure i believe in,
i can feel the sunshine sliding out of my heart
and the shadow-monster creeping back in.