Chapter 33 – If We Die In Here, We Die Out There Too

I woke up groggily to a gentle push on the shoulder, finding my eyes mildly glued shut from the dried tears.

"Hey, sweetheart." Mom was home.

I mumbled a response than I wasn't sure even I understood. I cleared my throat and tried again, having finally been able to peel my eyes open again, "Where's Dad?" Even in my just-woken state, I noticed the conflicted look on her face: who had I meant? "Steven." I answered the implied question confidently.

"Oh, uh, he's downstairs with your brothers and sister."

I practically pushed her off the bed in my haste to get up.

"Hey, wait! Don't you want to talk about what happened?" Mom was still sitting on my bed, her back to me, but her face turned towards me.

I opened my mouth to say something but closed it again, thinking, "No, not right now." I didn't wait for her to voice her thoughts before I hurried down the stairs again, taking care not to fall down.

Downstairs, Dad was trying to get the twins to settle down, while Maddy was trying to break free from her high chair.

I grinned despite the dried tears that still made my eyes feel cracked. "Hey."

Dad stopped chasing the boys long enough to look back at me. "Hi. How're yah?" He asked, carefully.

My smile spread wider, and I hugged his tall figure around the waist. "Welcome home, Dad."

As I felt his arms wrap around me, I knew I had been right. This was home.

"I got your favourite," he pointed at a dish on the table, still covered, after I finally let go.

I thought a moment, "Actually, I'm not that hungry right now. I think I'm going to go for some fresh air. Save me some, will you?"

Dad looked at me with a questioning look before smiling, "Sure. Don't stay out too late, okay?"

"Sure thing." I grabbed my jacket and my keys, which had been left on the living room couch from when I'd come home from James'.

I didn't exactly have a plan for where I was going 'for some fresh air', and I ended up at the neighbourhood park. Suddenly recalling the last time I had been in the same park, I almost expected Ryan and his Little Brother, Cameron to be running around. Instead, I was alone safe for a mother with her son at the slides. Smiling a hello in their direction, I headed to the swings and sat down one that had been thrown around the bar the chain was suspended upon, making the seat almost a foot higher than the others. I grinned, remembering the time I had done the same in some other park when I was a kid, which had resulting in my dad scolding me, and then trying to fix it (hitting himself a couple times in the process).

I sighed slightly as my feet dragged back and forth over the sand, staring up at the blue sky, and making out different shapes in the clouds. How long I had been doing that, I couldn't say, but eventually, Ryan's face appeared above me. I screamed a little too loudly and nearly fell off, grazing my forehead on the metal frame. I would've felt more embarrassed if it hadn't been for the grin on Ryan's face. The last time I'd seen it was before I'd broken with him, which wasn't technically that long ago, but given everything that had happened between then and now, it seemed like eons ago. It was nice seeing him smile, and not look like a puppy that had been abandoned in the rain by its owner.

"Uh, hi," I managed after I regained my balance in a standing position, rubbing my forehead with one hand while the other held onto the frame for balance.

"You okay there?" he asked, holding his arm out as though to catch me if I were to lose my balance again.

I shrugged, "I'll live," I answered, still kneading the area, bringing my hand down to see if I was bleeding.

"You sure you don't need to lie down?" Ryan asked, concern evident in his voice.

A sharp pang and brief blurring of my vision was all the convincing I needed to find a park bench to at least sit down in. My eyes traced over to a familiar bench, but I couldn't remember why. I leaned backwards and closed my eyes, fingers pinching the bridge of my nose in confusion. How on earth how the slight contact caused such a terrible headache so fast? I sighed and decided to lie down instead.

This is too familiar.

My eyes shot open again at the voice at the back of my head. Ryan was leaning over me, still wearing the concerned look on his face, "Daniella? Can you hear me?"

I reached up to the bump that was forming on my head. Had I hit myself harder than I'd thought? "Yeah, I can hear you," I replied, propping myself up with my other hand.

No, that's not right.

I felt the space between my eyebrows scrunch together as I tried to figure why this seemed so familiar. Ryan was still wearing an expectant look, so I smiled reassuringly, "Yeah, I'm sorry. Just thinking about stuff." I looked around us, "Where's, uh, Cameron?"

Ryan looked mildly amused, bringing his hand to my wound, "Cameron didn't come with me."

Stop.

No, of course not. Ryan had been alone when he found me on the swings, before I made a fool of myself.

Suddenly, I found myself staring into his eyes, and backing up when he leaned closer, "Uh…, Ryan?" I managed to stutter out.

"I missed you," he stated simply.

Run.

The annoying voice was right. This has all happened before, and it certainly didn't end well. If only I could remember how exactly it had ended.

"Uhm, Ryan, I should really head back," I slid from under him and stood up again, "Parents are waiting for me back home," I appended, hoping not to sound too awkward.

"I'm sorry," he said without looking up, though his tone made me wonder if he was apologizing for this moment now, or for something else entirely.

Go. Now.

"Okay, well, I'll see you around, then. It was nice running into you." I spun on my heel and started back towards my house. I'd taken less than a handful of steps when I felt a sharp pain in my lower back, like a knife had cut into me. My hand instinctively reached towards the spot and I felt a warm liquid run down my fingers. My breath quickened as I brought my hand back in front of me and confirmed the crimson suspicion. The park started to disappear beneath my feet to be replaced with the sickeningly familiar orange against black of the dream world.

Fuck.

No, 'fuck' didn't even begin to cover it. I felt the strength for my knees give out and I fell down. The last thing I remembered before blacking out was Ryan's face again as I fell into his body and the whispered words from his lips, "I'm so sorry, Daniella."

…

I leaned out on a balcony that overlooked the courtyard below, crunching on an apple I had purchased down the road at a street vender. Tossing the finished core into the nearest trash can, I wiped my hands on my pants, ignoring the streak that formed on the white pants. Looking up, I grinned and started climbing the fire exit stairs until I reached the roof of the building. When I had stepped off the final rung, I walked the concrete barrier like a balance beam and finally sat down about five feet away and checked my watch. Where was James? Late, as usual. I turned and lied down on the cold cement with my arms behind my head and stared up at the perfectly blue sky. I let out a scoff. It was ironic that such a terrible place could have such a great view.

"Boo!" James was hovering over me with a goofy grin on his face.

"Jesus, James. Are you trying to scare me to hell?" I asked as I pulled into an upright position, turning so I could see him, swinging my legs over the edge. "You're late."

James blew out some air between his lips, "Psh, I'm not late. Your watch is just fast." He pulled out of his crouch and joined next to me, legs also swinging over the ledge.

This was always where James and I met after a busy night of what James likes to call "rescuing". To me, sticking a sword through someone could never be called that, but considering the alternative, it was better that we did it, than her. I had had an awful long period of accepting what we had to do when I first met James, and it certainly wasn't a fun job, but necessary, unless we wanted all the citizens in this messed up dream world to lose sight of who they were just like James' father and go on a killing spree out in the real world.

I unconsciously let out a sigh that I tried to cover up with a cough unsuccessfully.

"I know what you're thinking," James said, placing his hand over mine.

"Yeah? I'm thinking about unicorns and wondering 'if I rode one over a rainbow, would I find a pot of gold guarded by a leprechaun?'" James scoffed and punched me lightly in the shoulder. After a moment, I spoke up again, "Do you ever wonder if this is what we'll be doing this forever?"

It was James' turn to sigh, "Someone I knew before you is hell bent on doing this forever. Alone."

I assumed it was the elusive father figure he'd met before he'd met me. James never gave me a name, and I never asked for it; if he wanted to keep his complicated past private, I wasn't one to pry. "Yeah? What about you?"

James turned his face to stare at the sky as I had before, "Sometimes, I wish I never became aware. And I wonder if I would just wake up if I were to, say, jump off this building."

I raised an eyebrow. Certainly, we'd had this conversation before, mostly after a particularly hard night. "Ah. Well, you'd end up a giant mess of red on the bricks down there. And god knows how hard it's going to be for me to clean it up. Imagine all the looks I'd get from the neighbours! They'd definitely call the cops and get me arrested. Now why would you do that to me?"

James cracked a grin and shook his head at me in amusement.

"No, but seriously," I added, "You know you can't right? We aren't like those silhouettes down there; if we die in here, we die out there too."

A/N: Uh, yeah. So in case you were wondering, the familiarness of the whole Ryan scene was in chapter 6. And if there was any doubt, yes, Ryan did indeed attack our heroine. Sadface. Anyway, hope to get this story finished soon! Thanks so much for your patience, and as usual, please review!

mydreamadventure: I'm glad you enjoyed it! Hope this chapter was up to par...

TeamPeeta13: Oh no! Don't explode! I'll have to be like Dani and figure out how to clean the mess you left behind! haha.