I got bored one day and decided to go to the farm just to see what I can do to amuse myself. Knowing that the farmer might be on alert ever since that little incident involving kicking a dead horse, I didn't shave, put on my sunglasses and a baseball cap for a convenient disguise. Once I got to the farm, the farmer wasn't there, guess he's busy. I saw a poorly made straw man propped up as a scarecrow, however being that it looked incredibly ridiculous, I'd be surprised if that thing would scare anything. I picked up a giant fallen tree branch and start beating it like a pinata.
With a mocking tone, I said, "Help me, someone's beating me!"
Once I knocked it off the stake, I start ripping out the straws and torched it with my lighter. That's when the farmer came out with a sawed off shotgun and yell, "You again? City folks like you never keep off my property!"
I took off before he could fire a shot.
Then the next day I came back and saw him waiting with a shot gun in his hand...
"Going somewhere?" he asked.
I took a deep breath and said, "Um...yeah, I'm just looking for the bathroom...I was wondering if you can point to the nearest pla-" before he points the gun on my face.
"I don't know who the fuck you are and why you're messin' up my farm, but if you don't get out in 5 sec-hey wait!"
He was yelling every curse words known to everyone and some I never heard of but I didn't stop to listen so I kept on running until I made my way back to the city. Later that night I snuck back and saw him still guarding his farm. I hid behind a tree and began to crept closer when I stepped on a branch...
"Who there? Show yourself!" he yelled.
"Meow," I said.
"Oh a cat, got me worked up for nothin'"
Soon he got tired and went home, giving me the perfect opportunity to sneak into the farm to perform some hijinks. I came upon on a cow and tipped it, man it was fun, especially once it wakes up and starts mooing helplessly. After tipping about dozens of cows, I saw a light in one of the windows at the farmer's house turned on and I made a break for it. Turns out to be a false alarm as I heard a toilet flushing and the farmer yelled, "Aw dang it, clogged it again!"
Using this as a perfect opportunity to perform one more hi jink for the night, I took out a small firecracker, light it with my lighter and threw it into the hen house. Soon there's a small explosion and the chickens starts making noises and panicked all over the farm after escaping from the hen house. I laughed before running off as I heard the farmer yelled, "What the hell's going on down there?"
The next night being more careful than ever, I hid from tree to tree and bushes to bushes and saw the farmer holding what appears to be a rifle.
"Wait a minute...isn't that AK-47?" I said to myself.
Guess he had enough.
I was ready to go back when something caught my eye...a dead horse!
Unable to resist the urge to beat a freshly dead horse, I decided to take my time coming up a plan to lay a few kicks on a horse's corpse. But then a wonderful idea come up so I picked up a rock and toss it right at the horse. The farmer reacted and open fired at the direction of the small thumping noise, only to shot up his beloved dead horse.
"Wha-oh god...no...NOOO!" he screamed.
He dropped his weapon and walked slowly toward the horse and started to cry. I felt bad for the guy, I mean he was just trying to protect his property so I turned and started to leave. But then for no reason at all I turned back and kick the dead horse right in front of him...
Angrily, the tearful farmer turned toward me and said, "You son of a bitch...I'm going to fuckin' kill ya!"
"You can never catch me!" I yelled as I took off.