The Amazing Adventures Of George Bush!
Today's Episode: How To Tick Off A Liberal
Disclaimer. I hold none of the views or opinions below. I'm an environmentalist, a rabid liberal, and a women's right's advocate. The views our buddy George W. Boosh takes about how quick environmentalists are to anger, are, again, not mine. So don't flame me about that. Flames about Mistah W. Shrub are cool.
This is a work of HUMOR.
I don't HATE him, I just… disagree. Yeah.
I don't want him to die, I don't want any physical or mental harm to his person, I don't want packs of rabid wolves eating him- maybe just a little more sensitivity to us liberals? Please? Are you listening? Hellloooo?? All I can hear are crickets, lawnmowers, and the rhythmic sound of the oil pumps………


Hello. It's me, George Bush. Now, I'm durn certain that all you folks out there in the great big country I rule ove..I mean govern- is pretty darn interested in how to get the liberals real riled up.
DAM! Ha ha ha ha!
Now, remember, ya'll have to listen to me, cause I went to Yale.["Though he only passed by the grace of God and monetary intervention" says my old teacher. Ain't she nice?!?!?]
Now, as all you folks out there know, a liberal is evolved from some sort a….aw, heck, I don't know, I didn't pay none attention in school. The liberal is related to the toad. The toad is a slimy rep-itale with a bad repitation.. Good one, huh? To make sure liberals don't infest our school systems or our public pools or our Denny's, we gotta learn some rules of evasion and annoyance, and that sort of thing. Cause to annoy, you evade, and to evade is to keep our school systems and public pools and Denny's free from such Repitales. Now, you might be saying "George Bush, that there is too high' faluting talk for simple good folk like me! Alls I know about evasion is how to evade the liberal government from cracking' down on my oil rigs throughout the untouched wilderness of Alaska!"
Well, I thought about that, cause I am connected to the common man real good. Sure, I grew up in wealth, and my daddy was the President of the United States Of America- but I got good down-home values and I'm committed to setting an example for the male children of America. [Who cares about girls? Their place is in the home.]


Point One- Make fun of their long hair.
Call e'm hippies. They hate that. I know it. That's whys I have a prosthetic finger where someone I made fun of bit it off.

Point Two- Ignore whatever they say.
I've learned in my life that no matter what they say, it don't mean nothing. For example: "Do you realize that if you keep at these practices regarding global warming, the earth's tempeture may raise almost twenty degrees and many coastal cities will flood, Mr. President?"
Now that's a lie if I ever heard.. Blub blub blub… Darnit, my typewriter is floating away………………
Here I am again. The typewriter's wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwworkinnnnnnggggggggggggg fffine. Some tell me that my typewriter is actually called a computer, but I don't believe them. All computers can do is run violent videogames, and nothing else. I knowe. [Darn typewriter! I know its spelled knowe, but it keeps on telling me "error". I just wanna smash it's bondi blue plastic in sometimes!]

Point Three
Laugh in the fashio'n of a looney bird when'ever they ask for money or anything. All OUR governments money is goin'g to a tax cut, thank ye very much.

Point Four
Talk loudly whenever they start on one of their stupid little discussion's about "Saves the whaleses" or the squirrels or the trees or somethin'g.

DAMMIT! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M TALKING, YOU LIBERAL PIG DOG! [whacks liberal with bill to decrease spending on national parks]

After that lil divers'on, back to the matter of speaking loudly. Now, I like to use a bullhorn for Talking Loudly to our friends the liberals. I also like to buy the whole of Time's Squares advertsing space's so's I can… get my message across. If you see what I means.

Point Five
Buy ATVS, hunt, fish, chop down trees just because ya can, do anything environmentally damaging, then invite the press along to take pictures captioned "Bush family outing" Watch e'm start protesting!

Point Six
This ones is short n' sweet.
FUND DAMS AND LOGGING MILLS FOR RECREATION AND PLEASURE
I'm glads I didn't haves to write to much. It's hard.


Point Seven
This is the ultimate, the killers, what drives them nuts in the worst possible way.

Smile happily at the cameras and say something like "We need oil more than we need tundra, dammit!"
Or, hold meetings with oil and coal barons, and absolutely refuse to listen to, or even acknowledge the existence of those pesky enviromentalists. Think of them as cockroachs. Now, cockroaches are someth'ing we knows a lot about here in Texas. See, you swat e'm with newspapers. Now, just swat environmentalists with newpape….
Wait.
No! You have to be the roaches EXTERMANITOR! [I'm makin'g it real big cause I'ts a hard word] Cause when you exterminate things, they sorta curl up and die..
No.
Well… Yeah.
You want them liberals to curl up and die, see? Cause when they're all curled up and dead, you can sweeps them away easily, and they get all hollow inside so they crunch when you step on them. Hee hee.
Now, ifs you have a BIG liberal infestation, you must "roach tent" your business. That means you hafta put a big orange and yellow tent over your offices or oil rigs or dams or whatever, that has a big sign on the front saying "LIBERALS STAY AWAY OR YOU WILL CURL UP AND DIE!" After they see that, they will run away really fast.

Now, point Eight is… Ah, cmon Dick! One more minute! No? Just one more sentence? I can? YAY!
Well, my last sentence is that I can't write anymore cause my keeper Dick Cheny is gonna make me appear in front of the public to speak a speech that people will think is my own perso'nal thoughts, but they're really not, see, but I don't care cause I don't wanna be president anyway, DADDY, HELP ME!

Bye Bye.
George W. Boosh