Nyctophobia

They said, "It's normal for a child to be afraid of the dark", but they never suspected the fear would grow with me. So here I am, a twenty-three year old insomniac, trying to take comfort in the bright lights of the living room, and a hot cup of tea at three o'clock in the morning. Dark rings beneath my eyes give away my midnight peril.

The dark is suffocating, and the only escape settles in the miracle of light, wherever it may be. A lamp, a porch light…even a single candle will break away a piece of the terror.

Night is the worst time for me. Especially in this empty apartment. Everything is quieter at this time. No voices reassure me that someone's watching, someone can hear me. No busy cars tell me I'm not alone. No, I am alone. Here in the dark.

Who knows what's in the dark? Only God knows, and I am dying to hear what it is. What am I afraid of? I just know something's there. Something creeping and crawling, because the dark is everywhere, and it's easy hide in. Whenever the lights are off, something is watching. I know it. Light blinds whatever these evil things are, and then I can see them, and they won't see me. But these things, wherever they are, are not here to keep me company. No, I am alone. Here in the dark.

The day never lasts long enough, but I make the best of it. Opening windows, and feeling the breeze. In the dark, in the night, anything could be sailing that wind, so I shut the windows, and curl up nice and warm, and pretend it's still day with the curtains closed tight, and the lights blindingly bright. Neighbors come carrying complaints about loud music and TVs turned up too loud. They say even the lights are bothersome. They look angry and tired every time I open the door, but where is their fear of the of the night they are so comfortable in? No where. They do not understand. So every night I explain myself.

I say, "You see…I've never liked the night. It's scary like the woods that belong to fairytales. It's evil like the angels that fall from heaven by the will of God. It's lonely like me since I moved next door to you, and it's dark like eyes that watch me when the lights flicker out. And don't bother to tell me that I'm not alone. No, I am alone. Here in the dark."