This is somewhat of an alternate ending that I wrote to God's Wings a few years ago. I then decided that I didn't want it to end this way but I still like this though.
Who are you? Such an innocent inquiry made between strangers. Its answers range from the simple to the overly complex. It is asked between people who have never met and who do not know each other. I haven't been asked this question for a long time. There is no one left to ask me.
If someone had asked me this question years ago I would have simply said, "I am Maggie." I thought that that was answer enough but for some it wasn't. They wanted to know more than just what I was called.
I have been thinking about what kind of answers I could give if someone were to ever ask me that question now. I would say that I used to be a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a friend and so many other things and yet those do not begin to sum up who I really am. In order to know who someone really is you can't just ask them who they are you must see the choices that they make and understand their reasoning for why they made those choices. Only then do you truly start to understand who a person truly is. No one knows who I truly am anymore. All who had are gone … I'm alone …
I'm so tired. Day in and day out it's the same. All I want to do is sleep; yet sleep has eluded me for the past several centuries. I haven't slept nor eaten for a long. There was no need. It isn't my body that is tired but my soul. I grow weary of this existence. Every one I held dear has gone ahead but I can not follow. This body of mine could continue for millennia while my soul slowly decays. It has captured youth as its finest while the inside rots away leaving only an empty shell that will forever exist serving no purpose. I no longer have a purpose for being. How do you live without a purpose?
Before my purpose had been to care for and protect my sister and brother. I thought that was the only reason for my existence. Then I realized my purpose was not only to watch over them but their families as well; their children, grandchildren, and so on. Never did I think that it would all be lost in one moment. They are all waiting for me and I can't help but to keep them waiting.
I never asked for this. This gift of immortality is no blessing, but a curse, a punishment; a cruel and unrelenting prison that will never let me go, no matter how much I plead. I've prayed to whatever higher power exists to end my suffering but all I get is an endless amount of days. Why am I to suffer this limbo, this hell on earth? Perhaps Hell would be a kinder torture. At least then I know I would feel something even if it was the eternal burn of hellfire. I would be down there alone I know for my loved ones are spending eternity in a place that knows no suffering. They had already been in one hell, they need not another.
Is my eternal state of purgatory to be my own personal hell as payment for rescuing two small children? If it is then I will gladly serve my sentence until the world falls apart around me. I never once regret taking those two, my brother and my sister, along with me. If I was to do it all again, I would do exactly the same thing. Damn whatever god for trying to make me pay for what I have done. Did I perhaps thwart destiny in some way?
I truly believe that all this time alone is causing my mind see and hear things that aren't there. In the corner of my eye I sometimes think I see my niece and nephew run past me giggling. But I know they aren't there. No one is there anymore. No one has been for a long time. Every once in a while I could swear I hear my sister laughing in the next room and my brother's calm voice. Why is my mind deceiving me? Am I only torturing myself by remembering all that I have lost?
Once long ago, I was taken to a place of pain and torture that had pristine white walls. That place had almost taken all who I was but then a miracle had come in the form of two red-eyed children, my siblings. I knew I had to get out for them; in order to give them a life away from all that they had been through. No child should have gone through what they had. I wasn't able to provide much but they were happy. I was glad that I could at least give them that. I thought I could protect them from anything that would come for them. I didn't know how wrong I was. It was that arrogance, that conceitedness, that took them away from me. I was supposed to protect them. I promised them I would always be there but in the moment that they needed me the most I was nowhere to be found.
I can still remember their screams and cries for help. They echo through out the house at night. I try to tell them that I had tried everything to get them in time but their screams only get louder. They blame me for their deaths and how can they not? My sister and brother were supposed to live long fruitful lives with many children and grandchildren but all that was taken from them in an instance. My sister's children's cries haunt me the most. They were so young. They never had a chance to grow up and now they will remain as children forever in my memories and in mine alone. Everyone else who had known and uttered their names is dead. I am the last left to hold onto these precious memories. It is a heavy burden knowing that without me the world would never know that they had ever existed.
Someone once told me that we die twice. The first when the soul leaves the body and the second when there is no one left to remember us. Unlike my family, my soul has not left my earthly body but I have already died the second way. With my family gone, no one knows that I am still living. My family has already died the first way but I will not allow them to die the second way. They will be remembered.
One day the world will know who they were and I will be proud to say that I knew them. I will remember and tell others of them; tell them of the family that loved a monster like me once. Let them know that ties of blood aren't always as strong as the bonds we can form with others in times of strife. It's those times that bring people together and make them truly a family. I feel so honored that two children had decided long ago that they wanted to be a part of my family and my life. I will not let them down. Never will I turn away from their memory. I will honor them for as long as I exist; until the world ends and longer if possible. Someday I will let the world know that they lived; their memory will not fade into obscurity. Forever will their names be etched into my heart.