The feeling creeps closer, it's running towards me. Sprinting so fast, but with movements so swift.
"Does this make you realise?" You say, green and mesmerising eyes staring into my own brown orbs. They're filled with emotions; dark hatred burning like fire set free. There's a storm in there, it's a storm and I'm lost – we're both lost. Yet, I can tell there's still another wall you have built up – to protect – that I have failed to annihilate.
"Give it up." The black clouds grow darker, more fierce. A wave of unmitigated detestation is set free inside your eyes. Your jaw is clenched when you mutter the next words: "Nothing. You mean nothing."
Inside of me is a scream locked up, not allowed to be set free. My chest is tightening from panic and fear. It's getting hard to breathe.
I haven't noticed it yet, but it will strike me soon. Right now, it's hovering over the ground; still approaching at a daunting velocity. I won't escape it. The fences are down, there's no strength left to guard.
"Why do you hate me?" I ask the question that constantly plagues me. You hating me. With that knowledge – every moment around you means pain and hurt. You're a savaging torture.
You shrug apathetically; only casting me a fleeting glance before you move on. I prevent you from walking away by grabbing a hold on you with my words.
"That's it?" I shriek in frustration, dejection evident in my voice. "I'm not even worth an explanation? I mean that little to you?"
Tears are instantly falling from my eyes. I try to wipe them away but it's useless, so I give up. I let you see my emotions, my feelings for you, just as clear as the crystal water on my face.
Someone has cut a knife through me; opened me up to leave everything on display for the world – for you.
"Stop," You say, stiffly turning around to face me. You were always so difficult to read, but now, your expression screams pain. "Just stop. You won't understand."
I want to shake you. You look so confused and heartbroken, yet, at the same time – certain and heartless.
With it; comes another feeling. It's even quicker, but not as vigourous as the other one. Everything is intense, poignant. I'll see it soon, and it will hit me hard.
A delicate fog is hugging me; it's warm but I'm freezing.
"We were friends. Then we became lovers and then enemies." I look into those stunning green eyes of yours. They used to be so vivid, so vulnerable and serene. I now stare into a dark sea. You are deep into the cold, helplessly drowning. No light is reaching you.
It breaks my heart to watch you transform.
The wind should be soft, but it's biting me relentlessly. The feelings are travelling up my body now, barely touching my skin as they do. There are no sharp movements, only soft, light motions – like a snake waiting to strike. Only more brutal. It's venomous, fangs itching to sink into my skin.
My finger is embellished with a ring so beautiful my heart aches. The diamond – worth more than I deserve – is hit by sunrays shining through the coloured rose windows. I look into the light and feel a cold hand clenching around my heart – the eternal darkness inside my chest that refuses to disperse.
My eyes are watering, and a tear falls down my cheek.
Suddenly, I think of you.
It's coming even closer now, I can feel every single emotion around me. They're drawing into me, hugging me close. I start to feel cramped, like a weight is being pushed against my body from every direction. I'm worried that it's never going to stop. They try to supress my memories, but it's impossible. Instead, I just feel strangled – two hands around my throat.
You laugh and kiss my lips. "I love you."
You're shining; sparkling more than the sun's reflection on water.
I say I love you too.
Three years later, I will no longer know you.
The feelings are seeping into me; every inch of skin burning vehemently. They're smoldering my insides until I'm left frigid and hollow.
The ring is a heavy burden, it's burning my hand. I divert my eyes from the light and look straight ahead. Remorse, self-hatred, despair; it's itching worse for every step I take.
Beautiful flowers are on the ground and the walls – slowly dying without the essential nutrition. I feel similiar. Love. It took me, left me, ripped me apart.
I am physically and mentally, a chaotic mess. My thoughts and emotions are spiraling out of control. My hands are shaking as I start to walk. Every step takes me closer to the edge. Every step is a stab in my soul. Every step is filled with guilt. Yet, for each step I take – I grow more determined.
The spacious church is warm. There must be more than a hundred people here; more than two hundred eyes gazing up on me .
I meet his warm eyes. He's smiling, and his handsome face is comforting to me. I long to stand beside him – a surprising feeling I welcome.
I'm almost there now. There's a pressing feeling around me, a sense of foreboding – but nothing happens.
It attacked. Struck me, conquered me. It's chilly and goosebumps are erupting but I'm waiting for it to pass. I can't see it now, and maybe I never will.
I look into his eyes, brown like mine, and perceive a wam feeling – love. He feels love for me. They're dancing and I start to shake even more when I comprehend that.
I'm shattered since long ago. My heart never healed, it only continued to get stomped on. He is still blissfully whole, complete.
I promise myself I will never break him – not like you broke me.
We seal it with a kiss.
I will it to disperse. Repressed.
In reality, vivid and beautiful. I walk into a haze.