dear fucking world,

hey there, it's me again. and i'm fucking pissed. my dad is in the fucking hospital. and i don't know what the fuck i'm supposed to fucking do. fuckfuckfuck. he's got lumps on his neck, they say "absess" and give him antibiotics and say, "maybe surgery. come back soon." well. what am i supposed to do? forgive him? do you know how hard that's going to fucking be? i still have fucking nightmares about him. and now what? it's not a fucking absess. okay. he's got fucking health issues. and i don't mean the mental ones. (although they're definitely worth a motherfucking mention.)

he used to do meth, cocaine, plenty of weed, he's an alcoholic, he smokes. he spent time in jail recently. he's suicidal. he's broke. and sometimes i hate him. or parts of him. i don't even fucking know, okay? but i don't want him to die. if he dies i'll never forgive him. or myself. or anyone. i just. don't. know.

fuck. fuck you, fuck him, fuck everything and everyone out there.

i wish i could just hate him, wish i could just stop caring.

yours hatefully,
a pissed off teenage girl.