I'm hungry. There's no food in the fridge, and it smells funny anyways. The kitchen is trashed, the trash over flowing, and the roaches are back becasue my roommate is taking too many credit hours to care about cleaning.
I haven't been home in a week and a half, I'm broke, sick, my knee is swollen and I have an infected cut on the bottom of my foot. Zach is mad at me because I'm a sex crazed idiot, I have an impossible debate to set up, I missed a test, and I haven't read a textbook in two weeks.
I have a possibility of being pregnant, my family is falling apart, and I think I'm going deaf from listening to two year olds scream. I can't find a new job because my current job keeps me too busy to look for another one. My counselor wants to start talking about my mother, who I haven't seen in three years and haven't spoken to in six months.
It doesn't get better than this. I can stay up til three in the morning if I want to, and eat chocolate for dinner and chips for lunch. I can walk around my half of the apartment naked and take long baths while watching True Blood and reading Harry Potter. I can spend my money on whatever I want, even thirty dollar movie tickets to a premier I've been waiting for for years. My dad can tell me what to do, and I can tell him to shut up, or hang up on him and only feel mildly guilty.
I'm twenty years old. According to the current statistics, I have about fifty eight more years to live. Add about ten for my good genes, and take away that ten again for my years of drinking, popping pills, and starving myself, and I find myself an average starving twenty year old. Average. As in, Normal. When the hell did that happen?
I had a shitty childhood, and a disaster of adolescence, but somehow, it seems I've finally caught up. I've never really felt my age. I never watched cartoons, or traded Pokémon cards or went over to friend's houses for sleepovers. But I survived. And, after years of being behind, or ahead, however you see it, I've finally found myself at a place in my life where I can grow, on my own, without dragging my past like a much abused teddy bear behind me.