EHMAGERDEHMAGERDEHMAGERD. I CAN'T EVEN TALK, I'M SO EXCITED.
[WARNING: THE FOLLOWING CHAPTER IS FILLED WITH INCOMPREHENSABLE, RAW, UNCENSORED AWESOMENESS. IF YOU SUFFER FROM HEART DISEASE OR ARE OTHERWISE PREGNANT, CONGRATULATIONS. NO ONE GIVES A MONEKY'S. NONETHELESS, PREPARE YOURSELF. THIS. IS IT]
Alright, ladies, brace yourselves... The UNIMAGINABLE is about to happen... You are about to witness...
Ladies, ladies, PLEASE, control yourselves. THERE IS MOAR }:D Not only is Bob here, but he appears TWICE. TWICE!
Am i the only one who feels like they can die happily now? (; Enjoy.
CHAPTER 10: IT'S THE JOY OF MONDAYS. FEEL IT, READER. FEEL IT DEEPLY.
Give me three good reasons you hate Mondays, reader. Go on, don't be shy.
Is it, Oh I don't know, because you have to get up early?
Or maybe because you completely forgot about your science project?
Perhaps because it's the start of the week, and we just don't feel like following instructions from naggy old professors who live with their mothers and have never had a girlfriend? Yup, that has to be it.
But how about waking up to a cloudy morning, finding Nick beat you to the bathroom, and you're all out of orange juice?
OH, THE HORROR.
"NICK! HURRY IT UP!" I yelled impatiently, banging on the bathroom door.
"Take it easy, Nana. All in good time, all in good time," he said from inside, making me scowl.
"If you don't hurry up I'm coming in by force!" I threatened, my innocent mind not quite getting how wrong that sounded.
"Oh, I'd like to see that," Nick laughed inside, making me boil.
"GAGH!" I kicked the door, before nearly screeching as pain bolted up my leg. "Ow, ow ow!"
A laugh came from inside, followed by that melodic voice I live and breathe for. "You're an idiot."
"HURRY UP, YOU SWINE!" I roared, waving my fist in the air.
"You're welcome to come in now if you want," he said, unlocking the door, "I just gotta put my pants on…"
"Ew!" I squeaked, causing him to chuckle again.
"A'ight, I'm done."
"…Well? You coming in or something?"
"I really do rather wait out here until you come out yourself," I said, taking a step back.
"You're right," he opened the door and stepped out, "You wouldn't know what to do with all of this," he signaled to himself.
"Well, I could punch 'all of that' and see what happens," I suggested, making him scowl. "Well, step aside, mister. I gotta get ready."
"Go right ahead," he walked out of the bathroom, and for the first time I noticed his clothes.
Oh, nuh-UH, gurlfriend. Now that ain't right.
"Ahem," I cleared my throat, tapping my foot.
"May I ask where your new clothes are?" I said, signaling to his same ol' soccer shirt and matted old pants.
"Clothes? What clothes? There are clothes? I don't know what you are talking about," he blabbered, trying to sneak away from the side.
"I don't think so!" I grabbed his sleeve and pulled him all the way to his room. "Stay right here, I'll go get those gorgeous clothes of yours."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"I'm damn sure you don't. OMG LOOK OVER THERE!"
"What? What is it?" he turned his head to the side.
"HAHA!" as quickly as I could, I pinned him to the ground and sat on his stomach.
"WHAT THE FU-GHRGBH!" I clasped my hand over his mouth.
"Ah, you're so comfy," I moved my butt from side to side, making him wince. "Look, you're wearing those clothes, either you like it or not. I left them under your bed, now DON'T. MOVE. I'll be right back," I got up slowly, my hand still clasped over his mouth.
He looked at me with wide eyes, then nodded. I lifted a finger from his mouth. Then another, and another. Finally, I pulled my hand back from his face, when-
"YOU'RE CRAZY, WOMAN! LET ME GO OR I'LL TELL YOUR MOTHER ON YOU! THIS IS MADNESS! LET ME GO, I TELL YOU! YOU CANNOT HOLD ME HOSTAGE FOREVER, AND WHEN I ESCAPE I WILL-"
"SHH!" I slapped my hand over his mouth again.
"I SAID SHH!"
"GODAMN IT, SHUT UP ALREADY!" I hissed into his ear, and he reluctantly shut up. I looked around. Hmmm…
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ψ(`ω´)ψ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"WHAT THE HELL?" Nick yelled as tied him with a rope and dragged him over to the bed.
"Sorry, but you asked for it, buddy. I bought you clothes and you're wearin' em!" I said, bending over and reaching under the bed for the Abercrombie bag. "AHA!" I exclaimed triumphantly as I felt it and pulled it out. Everything was in there.
"You can forget about it, Nana. I'm not wearing a single thing in there, so save your breath and—GRBEJB!" I stuffed a shirt into his mouth.
"You'll be wearing that today," I declared, pulling out his brand new jeans.
"PHA!" he spit it out, scowling at me. "I'm not wearing it."
"Something tells me you are."
"Tell that something my something says I'm not wearing those somethings," he looked at the bag.
"My something has been noted. Alright, I'm letting you go now," I walked over to him and grabbed the rope. "If you try to run away…I'll…I'll…Punch you. Or something," I declared, loosening the knot a little.
He nodded. I pulled on the string, making it come loose around his shoulders. He looked at me.
"Alright, now go change into-WHOA!" he jumped up from underneath me, tossing me aside.
"SO LONG, SUCKER!" he laughed, and shot for the door.
"NOT TODAY, YOU DON'T!" I lunged at him and managed to grab his scruff, pulling him back down. "CHANGE. NOW."
"And make it snappy," I shoved the cowboy shirt into his arms, along with the dark wash jeans. He looked at them and scowled.
"I got an idea. I'll play you for them," he said, getting up.
[CUE UNCOMFORTABLE SILENCE HERE]
He blinked. "NOT THAT KIND OF PLAY, YOU NAUGHTY WORM BAG!"
"EW! I KNOW, YOU DOG-FACED TIFFLEWANGER!"
"…HAHAHAHA!" we both burst out laughing at our maturity.
I wiped a tear of mirth from my eye. "Alright, whaddaya mean 'play me'? And keep it G-rated, please."
"I mean like a contest. Or rock paper scissors."
(JELLO, AMIGOS! I BE DE ROCK PAPER SCISSORS ANNAUNCER! REMEMBER ME? YO WILL-)
"Nuh UH!" I interrupted. "Remember the last time we played Rock paper scissors?"
"LEEEFT! TURN LEEEEEFT!"
"THIS IS FREAKING LEFT!"
"A LITTLE MORE TO THE RIGHT!"
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN?"
"I MEAN YOU-WATCH OUT FOR THE LIGHTPOLE!"
"WHAT LIGHT-OMG WE'RE GONNA CRASH INTO THE LIGHT POLE!"
"I KNOW, YOU DICKHEAD! TURN RIGHT!"
"YOUR RIGHT OR MY RIGHT?"
"THEY'RE BOTH- DON'T RUN OVER THE KITTY!"
"…Oh, that kitty."
~END OF FLASHBACK~
"Fine, then we'll just try something else," Nick said, obviously not too ecstatic about the memory either.
"No! Just wear them! They look great!" I begged, putting the shirt on his chest, as if he was wearing it.
"…Hmm," he smirked, making me frown. No good ever came out of that. "I got an idea."
"How about I do the thinking around here. Your ideas haven't exactly proven to be…The most effective."
He scowled. "Alright, I'll put them on today, but in return you owe me one favor," he said.
"It's simple, Nana. When I feel like I want something, whatever it is, you'll do it, right then and there."
"…NAWT GONNA HAPPEN!" I yelled, waving my hand in outrage.
"Fine," he sighed, "Enjoy these clothes for yourself, 'cause I'm not wearing them."
"…You have to wear them tomorrow and the day after."
"…I can live with that."
"And the day after that."
"And the day after the day after that."
"And the day after that!"
"Don't go around pushing your luck, missy."
"Alright, FINE. Now change!" I shot out or the room and into the bathroom, where I turned on the water.
I took a bath quickly, washing my hair twice. I have to look EXTRA pretty today, for my Kyle.
KYLER RYDER. Egh, have I mentioned I love him? Cuz I DO. He's been my crush since, like, forever. Oh, the very mention of his name gets me tingly. KYLE. KYLE RYDER. KYLE. RYDER.
EHMAGERD I LOVE IT.
I stepped out of the shower, wrapped around my towel, and took a deep breath.
It's a new day.
I went into my room and walked over to my closet. Alright, the day is cloudy, so I think I'll wear something blue to merge with the environment. Hmm, how about the thin-sleeved light blue shirt, with a light see-through-y sweater on top and white pants, with black fuzzy boots?
Yep. That sounds about right.
I put everything on except the boots. I've always thought the boots go last.
I'm weird that way, leave me alone.
But anyway. Once I was dressed I walked over to the counter and picked up my brush. I sprayed some unknotting-hairspray or whatever into my hair, and brushed it easily. I finished by putting some weird cream to keep it in place and make it smell good, then went on to my make up. I put some brown eyeliner on my upper lid, following my lashes, then moved on to the second. I put some blush on, and some lip gloss, and I was ready, baby!
Happy with the results, I stepped back and looked at myself in the mirror. Oh! My grandma (the one who isn't dead, and also the one who brought me that shirt I wore earlier) had gotten me a nice little pendant for Christmas. It was a beautiful butterfly, with little diamond in its wings. I decided to put it on, and I was finished.
I happily skipped out of my room and into Nick's.
"You ready yet?" I asked, looking around.
"Blegh," someone said a few meters away from me, making me jump ten feet in the air.
I turned around, and my legs wobbled under me. Eh. Ma. Gerd.
"YOU LOOK GREAT!" I squealed with joy. True enough, he was wearing the cowboy shirt, with his white V-neck shirt underneath, dark wash jeans and his black sneakers.
"You are going to pay," he narrowed his eyes, but I was too excited fretting over his hair to notice.
"Don't you ever brush your hair?" I huffed, looking at his mess of curls disapprovingly.
"Yeah. Sometimes. Maybe. Not really."
"Well, whatever. The thing is, you look AMAZING," I took a step back and looked him over. He looked like a sexy blonde version of Kyle.
I MEAN NO! NEVEREVEREVEREVEREVER. FIVE SECOND RULE, IT DOESN'T COUNT. OHMYGOD WHERE'S THE SOAP? I GOTTA SCRUB MY MOUTH SIN-FREE. My Kyle could never be compared with a mere piggy like him! I remain faithful to my Kyle!
"You look efficient too," Nick said, looking at my clothes.
I reddened a little. "Oh, don't I just?"
"NANA! NICK! BREAKFAST!" mom called from downstairs.
"'KAY!" I yelled back. "Let's go."
We both walked down the stairs and to the kitchen, where mom was making waffles.
"YEY! WAFFLES!" I squeaked with joy. I love waffles almost as much as I love scrambled eggs, and I love scrambled eggs almost as much as I love chocolate. Easy as that.
"You look so handsome, Nick!" mom giggled. Nick winked, making me gag.
"Why thank you, Mrs. Brown. You, too, look rather ravishing this morning," Nick smiled, making my mom giggle even louder.
"Umm," I called.
"Oh. Hi, Nana," mom said, then turned back to Nick. I scowled. "Well, sit down to eat, dears."
I didn't need to be told twice, so I literally jumped into my chair and devoured a waffle whole.
"Oh," Nick looked at the steaming hot breakfast. "I don't think I've ever had waffles before."
I choked on my waffle. "WHAT? Go on! Try one! You'll love it!" I ushered, shoving a plate to him.
He took it and poked the waffle. "Is it safe?"
I blinked. "OH MY GOD! THE WAFFLE! IT'S KILLING ME! IT'S EVIL! IT PLOTTED OUR MURDER ALL ALONG! OH, THE BUTTERY AGONY! I CAN'T BREATHE! THE WAFFLE! THE….WAFFLE…" I dropped my head into my plate in agony, making him roll his eyes.
"I get it, I get it," he poked it again. I was going for my third already.
"Good morning," someone called sleepily from the stairs. I turned my head to find Mark, in his Super Mario Bros pj's, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.
"Hey there," Nick said.
"Hello, sweetie," mom smiled.
"Sup," I said flatly, turning back to my breakfast. He scowled, but walked over to sit beside me anyway. "You hungry?" I asked him, pushing a waffle his way.
"AHA! You've been caught red-handed, Evil Nag Sister of Doom! I could hear your shrieks of death from all the way up there! Those waffles are poisoned, and you want me to eat them!" he said, jumping out of his chair.
Mom glared at me. "Way to go, Nana," she said, looking at me with disgust.
I chuckled nervously.
"Hey, Mark," Nick called. "I'll make you a deal. If I eat one, you'll eat one, alright? We'll see who's stronger."
"Alright!" Mark squealed, grabbing a waffle. Nick looked at me and raised an eyebrow, looking smug. I cracked a smile.
"Ready? One…Two…Three!" he said, and they both shoved the waffle in their mouths. The whole world held its breath as I looked intensely at both faces, trying to read their expressions.
Mark was a mixture of determination and delight, enjoying life, livin' la vida loca, you know. Eight year old kid stuff.
Nick's was a combination of curiosity and disgust, as if amazed the waffle hadn't strangled him but still quit disappointed it wasn't actually evil to the bone. Or dough. Whatever it has in there.
I burst out laughing as Nick's face twisted in disgust, while Mark reached over for a second.
"Didn't you like them?" mom gasped, sounding hurt.
"Oh, no, they're quite delicious, Mrs. Brown," Nick nodded, his expression indicating quite the opposite.
"Oh," mom sighed in relief. "Well, have another."
Nick looked at me for help, but I was too busy laughing my waffle out to notice.
"Uh…Um, okay," he sighed, grabbing another one. He looked at me again, and I just flashed him an encouraging smile. He took a bite out of it, and I swear I saw tears roll down his cheeks.
"Alright, I'll have that waffle," I chuckled, yanking it out of his hands and cutting off the part he had bitten. I swallowed it whole and licked my lips.
"Thank you," he sobbed.
"We're even now," I smirked, making him frown.
"WHAT? No way! You still owe me that favor, Nana, and don't you forget it."
"Would you stop calling me Nana?"
"One of these days, I'll stuff a waffle up where the sun don't shine."
"NANA!" mom scolded.
"Yeah, Nana. Be nice to me, I'm warning you," Nick smiled. I stuck out my tongue.
"OH MY GOSH! Look at the time!" mom shrieked, shooting up in her chair.
"Isn't Mark going to school?" I asked, seeing him pick his nose and flick the booger across the room, making it land safely on the wall with a disturbing sploosh!
"No, Nana, I thought I told you. Mark and I are leaving in a little while for the little town right across ours, and we won't come back until tomorrow evening. He has that soccer tournament of some sort. Nick, is it alright if I leave her with you?" she smiled sweetly.
"Sure, I'll take care of her," Nick put an arm around me. My mouth flew open.
"YOU MEAN…" I glanced up at Nick, who smirked. "!" I fell to my knees in agony.
"Come on, now, Nana. We'll have a blast! Just you. And me. Alone," he smiled, and I punched his leg.
"Mom, please have mercy on my soul!" I kissed her feet. "Let me come with you!"
"No, you have school tomorrow. Nick here will look after you."
"But MOM! I don't want to be left all alone here with this corpulent barfbag and his pervy existence," I whined, seeing Nick smirk again.
"My mind is made up," she said firmly. I sighed and got back up. Oh, joy. I looked at Nick and scowled into his face, making him chuckle.
"You got nothin' to worry about, Nana. I'm gonna take good care of you," he said, putting his arm over my shoulders again.
"I think I can do just fine without your protection, thank you very much," I lifted his arm off my shoulders and patted it. "And keep your arms to yourself," I smiled sweetly.
"You see? That's nice! I'm sure you two will get along just fine without me!" mom said cheerfully.
Nick and I looked at each other. Then back at mom. Then back to each other.
I'm sure we will. I'm sure we will indeed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ψ(`ω´)ψ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"And no burping or farting in public, or being disgusting in any sense of the word," I babbled as the car stopped in front of the school.
"Uh huh," Nick said absentmindedly, looking out the window.
"Nick! I'm serious! If you make me look bad in public…I'll…I'll…I'll make you sit on a whoopee cushion! Or something."
"Uh huh," he said again, making me fume. I smacked his shoulder. "Alright, alright, fine. I promise to keep my 'pervy existence' down a notch or two," he sighed.
I raised an eyebrow.
"…Or two or three," he chuckled. "…Or four…Or…FINE."
A happy smile smeared across my face. "Now, that's more like it!"
"Bye bye, Nana!" mom called from the driver's seat. "You've got the keys to the house, right?"
"Alright. Remember you'll have to go walking back home, since Mark and I are leaving in a while, okay?"
"Oh, and please make sure Nick gets to his soccer practice in time."
I could feel Nick's scowl forming at the thought of being escorted, and I pulled on the gooshiest smile I could muster. "I'll make sure your precious little Nicky doesn't go around getting lost," I cooed through puckered lips, pinching the darling's cheek.
"You have two seconds to stop touching me," he growled.
"Oh, you two," mom laughed, waving her hand dismissively. "Now go on before you're late. And be careful on your way back!"
My head snapped up from Nick's deliciously scowling face. "WHAT?" I screeched, making him jump. "You mean I have to wait for him?"
Mom blinked in white-faced innocence. "Well of course, he doesn't know the way."
The swine and I looked at each other, my jaw hanging in horror as Nick's lips twitched into the slightest smirk. GARGHBLEASFDGHJKL.
It's shaping up to be a wonderful morning.
"Besides, who would protect you from the evil of this world if I'm not around?" Nick sighed contently, putting an arm over my shoulders with a cocky smile I longed to break. "Besides, deep inside you know you're just dying to see me in action."
"NANA!" mom gasped as I smacked his shoulder in utter disgust.
"What? He was asking for it!"
"Just hurry off to class already," she sighed, massaging her temples.
I scooted over my way to the car door, grumbling as Nick followed behind. "Wish Mark good luck from me!" I called as the car door shut and mom sped away.
"Wowzers," Nick said, his hands stuffed into his pocket as he eyed the big building in boredom. "It's as gray and boring as you are."
"EHMAGAWD!" I squeaked hysterically, getting an amused look from him as I grabbed his sleeve and hid behind him. "THERE HE IS!"
He turned his head to me and quired an eyebrow in gray-eyed disgust. "Da hell are y-"
"SHH!" I hissed, smacking his back without lifting my eyes off my my target.
EHMAGAWD. THERE HE IS. GARGJHBLEGARGH. I CAN SEE HIM. I CAN SMELL HIM.
"You know," Nick called suddenly, making me slurp back in the drool dripping from my mouth. "I know better than to question your quirky ways by now, Nana, dear, but... What are we freaking out about now?"
I felt a goofy smile coil into my face. "Kyle Ryder," I cooed, wiggling my eyebrows. The expression he gave me could've been framed.
OH MY GOD. Kyle Ryder. With his UH-DORABLE, slightly spiked brown hair, styled to perfection on his groegous head,and his UH-DORABLE molten-copper eyes, which pop in his SMEXY black shirt paired with washed-out jeans.
He, ladies, puts the GRRRR in GORGEOUS.
Pookie-yum-yum Bear was talking with some friends, occasionally bursting into laughter, bringing light into the world with his perfect white smile.
I stupidly stared there, babbling incomprehensibly, when Nick tilted his head to get a batter view at the mouth-dripping scenario. "That's Kyle Ryder?" he said with disinterest, raising an eyebrow.
I snapped my head to him, tightening my grip on his shoulder threatingly. "Are you by some way insinuating he isn't everything a girl would ask for and more?" I said, pulling my face close to his.
"Meh," he said flatly.
"…Oh, how I hate you right now."
"And I second that thought."
I sighed, letting go of him in disgust. "A'ight, listen up. This is going to be as annoying as it will be… Just plain disgusting. Let's try to make the best of it."
His signature smirk graced us with its appearance. "Just as long as I know you're suffering in the clutched of a teacher even when I ain't around is good enough for me," he said, ruffling my hair.
If looks could kill. "I hate your guts."
"KATIE, DARLING!" someone called from behind me. I turned my head to find Lindsey running towards me.
"LEENDSEY!" I squealed with joy, and chocked her into a tight hug. "Remember me? We used to talk."
"I am SO sorry," she howled, pouting in that adorable way that made me wanna eat her. "It was my GRANDPA! He held me hostage! Playing Bingo and sipping tea and eating prunes!"
"EW!" I squeaked.
"I know! It was horrible!" she screeched, before stopping as she noticed the nosy animal beside me.
"Oh, right. Lindsey, this is Piggy. Lindsey, Piggy, Piggy, Lindsey," I introduced, waving my hand around them.
"It's an honor to finally meet you," Nick said, taking her hand and kissing it. I could tell by Lind's expression she was on Cloud 9 and back.
"EW! Nick! Bad piggy! BAD PIGGY! Put her down!" I wailed, slapping his shoulder repeatedly.
Lindsey blushed, retrieving her hand. "So your name's Nick?" she asked shyly, giggling as I curled my lips up in disgust at her. To think of HER falling for his intoxicating charms. Lord, have I taught this child nothing?
"At you service," Nick bowed with a gentle smile. I think i'm gonna puke.
"Oh, don't you just LOVE introductions?" I smiled, coming between the two. "Say, Lindsey, didn't you get someone too?" I asked, batting my lashes as if to shoo away the tender scenario.
Her smile tripled in size. "I diiiiiiiiid," she cooed, rocking back and forth on her heels.
"Well? What about it?" I demanded, grabbing her hand in expectant impatience.
She squeaked in excitement, before letting it loose. "He is, like, this AH-DORABLE guy evar, but I'm too shy to tell him I like him, you know, 'cause he's so amazing, so, like, I do this thing that every night I sneak into his room when he's asleep and take photos of him and post them on my blog," she blabbered, before gasping for air.
I looked at Nick, who quirked an eyebrow. "Um, what's his name?" I chuckled nervously, patting her on the head.
I blinked. "Alright! Um…I dunno…Ralph?"
"EW!" she screeched, making Nick jump.
"OMG I KNOW RIGHT!" I cried, scrunching up my nose as if I could actually smell the creature's vile scent.
"But anyway, no."
"Aw, gimme a clue or something!"
"It starts with a 'C'."
"NO! His name's Christian!" she declared with the widest of smiles, before Nick burst out laughing beside me. She turned her head at him, raising her eyebrows. "I'm sorry, what's so funny?"
The guffawing swine was bent over, holding his stomach. He looked up at her and snickered, failing at containing his chortles. "Y-You like CHRIS?" he chuckled, making us both scowl.
"Uh, that's what I said. Is there a problem?" she said, quirking an eyebrow.
He broke into a hysterical fit all over again, and I fought the urge not to kick him to see if he'd stop honking. I mean, it works with my alarm clock, would it hurt to try?
"If," he started between gasps, looking at her with a mischievous smile, "the fact you sneak into Chris's room every night and take pictures of him snoozin' isn't labeled a 'problem', then I don't know what is," he finished, snorting as he tried to pull himself together.
I scowled. "Your face is a problem," I said, and turned back to Lindsey. "Well? How does he look?"
Her face brightened all over again. "He has-"
"Yo, Nick!" a voice called from behind us. We turned to see a black haired boy with misty green eyes eyes making his way towards us.
"There he is!" Lindsey squeaked, hiding behind me much like I had done with the loaf standing next to me.
I turned my head to him and widened my eyes as his face broke into a wide grin.
"DON'T. YOU. DARE," I warned, waving my finger at his face as the boy caught up with us.
"Why whatever do you mean?" he asked charmingly, before lashing out an arm and embracing the so called 'Chris' in a manly hug. "Hey man, long time no see."
"No shit," Chris laughed, before turning around and spotting us two fares. "Well, I see you've been busy."
The look on my face must've said it all, 'cause Nick didn't think twice before opening up his mouth.
"NO," I cut him, smiling angelically at him. "He hasn't."
Nick shot me a winning smirk, which I replied with an icy glare. "I was actually gonna tell Chris about something else that's been going on lately."
I felt my sweat run cold.
"You wouldn't!" Lindsey gasped.
"He would," I whispered into her ear.
"You fiendish monster!"
"... Am I missing something?" Chris called, making everyone's head snap up in alarm.
Nick cracked a boyish grin, turning to his bud. "Oh, Chris," he said, placing a hand on his shoulder. "You know, in life, sometimes there are things that can just creep someone out."
"Stop!" I hissed through my teeth, feeling Lindsey's will to live wither and die.
"And sometimes," he continued, and I could just tell how much the animal was enjoying himself, "these things are so disturbing they really open your eyes to the world," he continued, Chris' eyebrows shooting up so high I half expected them to pop out and fly off to freedom.
I know I wanted to.
"I said STOP IT!" I hissed again, but did he listen? No, he just went right ahead with his cheesy life lesson.
"And sometimes these things happen every day, without us noticing it," he flashed us a smile, making Lindsey explode into sobs.
"…Okay," Chris said, looking from me to Lindsey, and back to piggy.
"And sometimes, saying these things can really hurt someone, but it's alright, because it will be fine once that person knows about it,"
Nick sighed, running a hand though his hair as if exasperated at the thought.
I was ready to rake my nails down a wall. Or his face. His face would be good.
"Stop it! Stop! It!"
"And sometimes, though we don't know it, it may ruin someone's reputation in life."
"These things happen to everyone, pal."
"You been smoking something new, buddy?" Chris laughed, patting him on the back.
Nick cracked another smile. "What I mean is... What I mean is… WHAT I MEAN IS… Your flier's open."
You can probably guess where everyone's attention shifted off to.
"Oh," Chris said, grinning as he bent down to zip the sucker back up. "Thanks man." He turned to us. "Ladies."
"OOF," Lyndsey howled in relief, melting in my arms.
Chris' hand instantly shot up to his mouth as he checked his breath. "Uh, you okay, Linds?"
She instantly jumped up. "Oh, uh... Yeah, I mean... Err... Hiiii," she cooed, wiggling her fingers.
I smiled, letting out a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding.
"Why how rude of me," Nick said, slapping an arm over my shoulders. "Where are my manners?"
Living with this pig must be wearing out my hearing. Dust my ears deceive me? Manners? SERIOUSLY?
"Chris, meet Nana."
"…BAHAHAHAHA!" both Lindsey and Chris burst out laughing.
"NANA? I thought your mom was the only one who called you that!" Lindsey squeaked, pointing a finger at me as tears rolled down her cheeks.
"She is," I growled, glowering at the smirking pig in front of me.
"Hey Nick! Chris!" some guys called from a little group by the main stairs.
"Right. Sorry, ladies, but I'm gonna have to steal your man for a minute," he said, pointing his thumb back at where their buddies were howling and whistling at the sight of them with us. I rolled my eyes. Looks like Nick brought the rest of the barn animals along.
"Yeah," Nick said, winking at me before strutting off to his pack of amigos.
"See ya, Linds," Chris followed, before turning to me with a snicker. "Bye... Nana."
"MY NAME'S KATIE!" I wailed, seeing him burst out laughing and run after Nick.
I turned to Lindsey, who looked as if she'd just taken an arrow to the butt. "EHMAGAWD," she whispered, turning slowly to me. "HE CALLED ME LINDS. LINDS! Oh, my life's complete," she sighed, twirling around.
"Well, well, well."
We both turned at the sound of a car door closing, to find a sight that summoned all 32 pearly whites inside out mouths.
"Melissa!" we both squealed, before 100-yard-dashing our butts to hug her inside out.
YAY, BUTTERFLIES AND RAINBOWS EVERYWHERE, IT'S A WONDERFUL WORLD. LET'S ALL DANCE AND SKIP AROUND THE-
"You guys ditched me," I said gravely, making the hugging stop.
"... About that," Melissa chuckled, batting her long lashes at me in attempts for forgiveness.
I puckered my lips. "D'aw, I'm just kidding, baby," I gurgled, earning me an exaggerated smile.
"Well what I wanna know is who those hotties are over there," she said, pointing an eager finger at our burdens, huddled around their buddies.
"The Soccer Dudes," I explained nonchalantly. "Both Lindsey and I got someone, and they're staying at our house."
"OH EM GEE! You mean one of those scrumptious guys is staying at your HOUSE?" she screamed, making people turn their heads and shoot us dirty looks.
I shrugged. "Yeah. Basically."
"YOU LUCKY LITTLE BISH!"
"I know right," Lindsey sighed, staring at the back of the gorgeous green-eyed wonder.
"She got that hot guy in the yellow shirt. I think he's defense," I said, signaling over to where they all had just burst out laughing about something.
"He iiiiiiiiis," Lindsey giggled again, twirling her hair around her finger, lost in her fantasies.
"And I got that one in the Abercrombie shirt," I finished proudly (for the SHIRT, don't go getting the wrong idea here), signaling to Nick as he began talking excitedly to one of his buddies, before flipping the hair out of his eyes.
The sound of girls swooning filled the air.
"WHOAWHOAWHOA," Melissa cut in, eyes wide with outrage. "You mean you got the CAPTAIN?"
I blinked. "No, he's the striker."
"No, he's the captain!"
"NICK!" I roared, making him turn his head. "Are you the striker or the Captain?"
"BOTH!" one guy roared back, before they all started laughing and patting him on the back.
"…BOTH?" all three of us squealed in unison.
"YOU DIGUSTINGLY LUCKY LITTLE-Good morning, Mrs. Goofenhauser," Lindsey nodded as the director strolled by.
"Pesky little vermin," she scoffed, and walked away indignantly.
"Good riddance at that," I stuck out my tongue.
"But anyway, you mean you have the captain of the Hotty Buddy Gang sleeping across the hallway, and you're not doing anything about it?" Melissa asked in outrage, quirking his eyebrow at me in a gurl-you-gon'-get-it-nao sorta way.
I felt my eye twitch. "Well SHYEAH! You don't know what he's like!"
"Why he's nothing but a gentleman!" Lindsey gasped.
"OH, LINDSEY," I said, clapping her face between my hands and scrunching her cheeks together. "Sweet, innocent Lindsey."
"Whatever faults he may have will be covered up by his looks," she cooed.
Melissa nodded. "Agreed."
"Hey, Nana!" Nick called from his little crowd of buddies.
I swear, the spit that flew off Melissa's mouth when she broke down laughing reached the shoulder of the emo kid huddled against a corner.
"Don't bother, we already went through this with Lindsey," I groaned, making her laugh harder.
"NANA!" he called again, summoning a pulsing vein in my forehead.
"Coming, dear," I growled, imagining a thousand ways to skin him and make him bacon.
"Yo! Linds!" Chris joined, waving an arm around.
"THE MASTER CALLS!" she squealed, before snatching out arms and marching over to her summoner.
"About time," Nick huffed, staring as Lindsey dropped us off at our destination.
"So they're the ones?" one guy called, elbowing his way to come over to us. He eyed me up and smirked slightly. "Yeah, I see what you mean."
I smiled nervously. "Err... Hi."
"So," a red-head spoke up, looking at both of us with a wide grin as he pointed his thumb to Nick. "Who's the one keeping the Captain?"
I bit my lip self-consciously. "Uh... Me."
"MY NAME IS KATIE!" I roared, making Nick burst out laughing.
"That's right, only I get to call you Nana, right Nana?" he came over to me and put an arm around my shoulders.
"Cough, SoccerSucker, Cough."
He chuckled, ruffling my hair. "See? She just adores me. We're inseparable, like nail and dirt."
"And this is Lindsey," Chris walked over next to her, patting her head. I could see her bursting into a hysterical little happiness dance on the inside.
"You two better take good care of the Captain and Chris," another guy with striking blue eyes said, walking over to us as well. "They're our secret weapon."
"HA! Oh, I'm sorry, you were serious?" I said, making Nick's grin widen.
"Told you guys she's feisty."
"You're just annoying," I growled, picking his hand up by one finger and shoving it off my shoulders.
"Aw, come on, you know you love my company," he elbowed me, making me scoff.
"RIGHT!" I exclaimed in mock excitement, "I mean, who wouldn't love a perverted smirking idiot always trying to catch a glimpse down every girl's cleavage for a guest," I giggled, poking Nick's chest flirtatiously. "Why, I'm on CLOUD 9!"
Everyone roared into laughter, including dear old Nick. "Yeah, that's our captain for ya," the cute redhead snickered, patting him on the back for his great accomplishment.
"So, how old are you girls?" one guy called, sitting on the low wall that separates the bushes from the pavement.
I batted my eyelashes. "I'm a 58 year-old Mexican taco. Nick, I thought you told them." I waved a disapproving finger in his face.
"Hey, there's a lot of things I haven't told them," he shrugged, a wry smile snaking its way to his face. "... Like how you walked in on me naked."
"You WHAT?" Lindsey and Melissa shrieked, while the boys toppled over laughing.
"I DID NOT!" I screeched, feeling my cheeks burn.
"And did you like it?" one guy asked, winking his eye.
"EW!" I squeaked, encouraging the guffawing beasts to snort even louder.
Nick looked at me through chunks of dirty blonde hair, laughter making his eyes glow in a way I could almost call human. "Aw, come on, Nana, you know you loved it," he snickered, making my face burst into flames.
"I DID NOT I DID NOT I DID NOT AND IT WAS A COMPLETE ACCIDENT, I SWEAR!" I cried, making everyone stare at me like I was insane. Between those everyones stood Kyle. Kill me now. Fast and quick.
"HOTTIE CHECKING YOU OUT 1 O'CLOCK," Lindsey hissed into my ear, snapping me out of my haze.
"LORD!" I squeaked, fixing my hair. "Really?"
Nick looked over at where Kyle was standing there with a wide group of guys, shooting us questioning glances... And he smirked.
"Oh no," I said, seeing his expression. "I know that smile. NICK, don't you DARE!"
"AW, COME ON, NOW, NANA. IT'S OKAY, EVERYONE WETS THEMSELVES SOMETIMES."
SOMEONE. SHOOT ME. NAO.
My eye twitched as I opened my mouth and howled out the loudest guffaw I could muster. "HAHAHAHA! WHAT A GOOD JOKE, NICK! SINCE WE ALL KNOW I DID NOT JUST WET MYSELF! HAHAHA! HA! HA! HA! GOOD ONE! HA! HA!" I screamed, punching his shoulder a little harder than any sane person would.
I turned my eyes to Kyle, who staring at me with he faintest hint of amusement.
Swallow me, earth. Just says "Ah", open wide, and swallow me.
"It's alright, people! Go back to your interesting conversations, nothin' to see here!" Melissa called, waving her arm around. Everyone reluctantly started their chats again.
I sighed, tilting my head back in relief. "Thanks, baby." I snapped my head to where all the guys were on the floor, peeing their pants from laughter. Nick was laughing the hardest.
I spanked his arm, not as hard as I'd like, but minding to leave a faint mark on the tanned olive skin.
"Hey," he winced, eyeing me guiltily, "what was that for?"
"GEE, I REALLY DO WONDER!" I yelled, moving my head in a 'you-know-it' kind of way. "You just made me look ridiculous in front of Kyle Ryder!" I hissed into his ear.
"You mean that guy?" one boy said, pointing behind me.
"WHERE?" I snapped my head behind me, to find nothing but thin air. They burst out laughing again. I snapped my head back to him and mustered my coldest glare. "Oh, HA."
Nick straightened up and slapped a hand over my head. "Isn't she just too much fun to mess with?" he snickered, ruffling my hair for the nth time.
"Yeah? Well how do you like it?" I jumped up from under his arm and ruffled his hair best I could, since he was about a foot taller than I was. It did little effect on his already-messed up curls.
"Oh no, Nick, talk to me!" one guy yelled, before they all doubled over in hysterics again.
I scowled. "Fine, then I'll just do this!" I slapped his shoulder again, making him flinch in pain.
"SERVED!" the guys laughed, pointing at Nick with teary eyes.
"You're a disgusting little cavity," he said, doing a lousy job at hiding his smile.
I wrinkled my brpw. "You're a corpulent swine boar."
"You're a pea-brained shitstick."
"You're a donkey-faced, beetle-brained, dog-smelling, crap-producing, gum-chewing, repugnant-looking little bug."
YEAH, BABY. CAN'T TOUCH THIS.
OH. MY. GOD. I just had a BOBGASM right here (;
Well... Yuppers. This is the longest chapter yet, but i DID kinda owe it to you darlings;* Momma don't forget ya, baby.
As usual, I was gonna throw some Squishy action in here, but I really don't wanna ruin this special Bob moment we're all sharing, so...