Yay. Another one-shot because my one-shots seem to be rather popular. The events in this are not actually in sequence, so it might be slightly confusing.
The sky was rather dark, clouded over by large, pregnant clouds that wouldn't stop spitting at him as he sat beneath the shade of the large oak tree in the front yard. He didn't mind, though, even though his hair was soaked and trailing water down his face, or that his shirt was soaked, clinging to his lean torso. He didn't mind any of it.
"Why do you always talk to the air?" a voice asked from in front of him, and his eyes fluttered open. Blinking to get the droplets of water from his eyelashes, he looked into twin pools of green that were glinting curiously in the dark of the mid morning light. "Does it talk back, David?"
David sighed, using his wrist to wipe away an errant drop that slid down his face, feeling his pulse thudding dully against the flesh of his cheek. "The air doesn't talk back, don't be silly Lukas. But they do, they always talk back to me." He gestured absently around himself.
"Who do? There's no one here but you and me," the other boy, Lukas, said, as if that should have been obvious. But David wasn't paying attention, and remained unresponsive even when Lukas linked their hands together, not squeezing back or pulling away, just staring at the air with a vacant expression on his face.
There was a moment of silence that passed between them, and grew into minutes that felt like decades. "Just because you can't see them, doesn't mean that they aren't there. Honestly, I can't understand why you refuse to believe me on this ..."
But he did understand. If he couldn't see them, hear them giggling and talking and feel their tiny hands on his, he wouldn't have believed himself either. He didn't blame the other boy for constantly getting mad at him, or storming out on him when he was especially vague, which seemed to be more and more often these days. Of course he understood, because Lukas had been so, so patient with him, and he knew that he wasn't being fair.
"The only thing I don't understand is; why did you say yes, if you weren't looking for a relationship with me?" Lukas' voice held a whirlwind of hurt and jealousy, and it almost made David cringe. "Why do you pretend that you love me, when it's clear that I'll always be playing second fiddle to ... to figments of your imagination?"
David looked surprised, turning to look at him through misted blue eyes behind pitch black bangs. "I'm not pretending. Just because I'm not ready to-"
"David, we've been together for five years now," Lukas said, untangling their fingers in order to massage his temples with thumb and forefinger. "If it was a question of you not being ready, but if you still wanted me, I would understand, but lately I can't even tell if you want me or not. Look, if you don't want to be with me, I understand. It's your choice. Just tell me so that I can leave."
David smiled, finding his hand again and intertwining their fingers once more. But the hand that is encased in his spidery fingers is cold and limp and unmoving. "It is not a question of wanting you. It never was, please understand. I'm just ... Not ready to let this go."
Lukas gave a snort of disgust, pulling his hand away again and standing up. "What are you, five? David, you're twenty two, you don't need fucking fairies to be your friends anymore! Aren't I enough for you?" he asked, shaking his head when all he received was a vacant stare and storming back into the house.
"I've never been one to socialize, and you know that," David said softly when Lukas came back half an hour later, to carry him into the house, sitting on the couch with David in his lap at the smaller male's pleading. "But they've been there for me longer than you have. You used to tease me the worse of everyone, you know. But they always comforted me afterwards ..."
"Are you ever going to let that go?" Lukas asked, incredulous. "That was almost fifteen years ago. Besides, now we're here not back there. You know that I won't hurt you. You know that."
David hummed gently, reaching his hand out to seemingly nothing. "I do know that," he said softly. "But it's hard to let go of something that has shaped your past, don't you think? You can't just ask me to forsake them, can you? Surely even you can understand-"
"Save the explanations, David. I understand that you'd rather be with your imaginary friends, I really do," of course David knew that it was a lie and in reality Lukas' delicate patience was wearing thin and close to snapping, "But I'm going to lose my patience eventually."
David sighed, and placed his free hand over Lukas' mouth, quieting him down. He pulled it away, all the unspoken words trailing behind his fingers like beads on a glinting silver thread. "I know. And I won't blame you when you do."
Small, spidery hands pause in their typing at the typewriter, blue eyes drawn to the wild garden that grew outside, the leopard spots of sunlight that filter through the canopy of the trees that loom overhead and the flowers that are arranged in neat little rows, swaying in the breeze.
"David, get away from the window, won't you?" Lukas calls from the couch, Twelfth Night open in his hand, but his attention is on the unresponsive figure by the window. "David, get away from the window!" he said, more forcefully when the figure ignores him.
The dog eared book fell to the floor as Lukas stands up, tugging on the slack elbow, and finally gaining some of David's attention. But he can tell that his gaze wasn't on him, but instead through him.
"This isn't about you ..." David begins, but his voice catches, the words safe and secure where no one can hear them.
"I get it, it's about you. It always ends up being that way, doesn't it?" Lukas is bitter. Of course he's bitter, and still David doesn't blame him. "But please just tell me why you're still pretending, because I know that you are, no matter how many times you deny it."
"I'm not," David insists, there, but still lost somewhere else. Somewhere where Lukas wasn't and never will be. "I'm not pretending, I never was-"
"Then stop pushing me away!" Lukas' voice swells, but then it, too, catches and lowers.
"I don't mean to push you away. I ... You should know that I love you. You do know that, don't you?" David's voice is soft, and calm and something like the ocean when the breeze settles gently.
Lukas sighs, lets go of David's elbow and fall s back against the couch, sinking into it and looking away with hard green eyes. "Honestly, no, I don't know that."
"Regardless of knowing or not knowing. Even if you see it or you don't, it doesn't mean that it isn't really there, because it still exists," David says, turning back to the window.
Lukas just sighs and wonders if he was still talking about his love.
"What am I to you?" David asks when they're in bed one night. Lukas is propped up against his pillows, reading by the light of his lamp while David is lying on his side with his back to him. He doesn't even try to cuddle with the younger anymore, because more often than not, he'll just lie there and be stiff and cold in his arms. "Do you honestly want me, or am I nothing but something yet to be claimed?"
"Don't do this, alright? Don't fucking start with me," Lukas says angrily, and it's times like this when his Norwegian accent shows through the most. "You'll always manage to twist every situation around to make me seem like the bad guy. And I'll always let you without being able to see what it is that you're doing."
David sighs, and Lukas can hear the small smile that's dancing on his lip, and he can see it, although he can't, all small and sad and self-pitying. "Some might call it witchcraft, no?"
"It's not funny, David. It never was. Now shut up and go to sleep."
"I never once laughed at. On the contrary, you're the one that's always looking down his nose at me, because I'm so reluctant to part with such nonsense," David says offhandedly and sits up as well, turning so that he can look at Lukas and offer a small smile which wasn't returned.
"You're doing it again," Lukas says dismissively, turning back to his book while David lays back down.
"Just save the apologies, alright? I said in the beginning that I wouldn't force you into anything, and I'm not going to go back on that," Lukas shrugs, and turns off the lamp, lying down with a sigh. "But shouldn't this be like those stupid fairy tales of yours? Where you're saved by the knight in shining armour, and you live with him, happily ever after, forgetting everything that happened before this?"
David sighs out a laugh. "Wouldn't that be nice; if the world were to fall into place as easily as it does in story books? But in real life old bonds can't be erased, neither by time nor by forgetfulness."
"It's troubling," David says out of the blue, sitting on the couch with his head pillowed on Lukas' shoulder.
"What is?" Lukas says airily, not turning from the game that he was playing on his game console. Instead of answering, David reaches up and brushes the thick golden fringe back from Lukas' forehead.
"I don't know," he answers off offhandedly. "Everything, really. I'm sick of everything."
Lukas says nothing but pauses the game and pulls the smaller man into his lap and kisses him, and he can't decide if it's because he wants to or because he wants the other to simply be quiet.
When he pulls away David sighs and leans against him because he's tired and there's nothing else to lean against on the couch. "It isn't your fault that you can't see them," he says quietly, feeling Lukas' hum, mixed with mild interest and muted discontent. "Only those with a 'pure' body can see them."
Lukas snorts and looks at David irritably. "Oh, so now you look down on me as a slut that couldn't keep his legs closed, are you?"
David shakes his head, calming him with a soft kiss, but otherwise said nothing else on the matter.
"Do you want to be with me?" Lukas asks, holding his hand out for the smaller boy who was sitting alone in his corner.
David smiles and it's small and it's wistful and sad. "I don't know, that depends."
Lukas looks slightly irritable. "I know, but it doesn't really depend on me. It depends on whether you want to be with me, or not."
David shrugs and stands up. "It doesn't depend on me, really," he says, voice annoying and sing-song, in a way that says he knows something the other doesn't. "Do you want to be with someone as odd and weak as I am? Someone unable to part with the past and look to the future and so stands staring backwards?"
"Here. Got this for you," Lukas said, face red with either annoyance or embarrassment as he thrusts the jar into David's hand, missing the small smile that for once isn't sad and wishful and wistful and everything that it's been lately.
"It seems so cruel, when you look at them, don't you think?" David says, looking at the butterfly that is trapped within the glass.
"Then let it out," Lukas shrugs and flops down on the grass, arm over his eyes. "Then it won't seem so cruel anymore, if you let it out of its misery and give it what it wants."
David arches an eyebrow, an amused smirk tugging at the side of his lips. "You aren't talking about the butterfly, are you?" The smirk disappears as David looks away, placing the jar by his knee. "If sex is all you're after, then piss off and find someone else, alright? What happens if I decide to never let you deflower me? Then what? You leave me?"
Lukas sighs and the frown can be clearly seen although half his face is hidden in the crook of his arm. "Of course I won't. I told you I'll wait until you're ready."
"But you also said that you'll lose patience eventually, didn't you? So what? You'll get fuck-friends and prostitutes instead?" David asks, laying down half on Lukas' chest, and even though he initiated the contact, he's stiff and reluctant when Lukas touches him.
"I'm not getting into this with you, okay?"
David is silent as he opens the jar and lets the butterfly free, watching it fly away into the sunrise. "And such is time," he sighs sadly, and turns so that his face is buried in Lukas' neck and he doesn't have to look at anything anymore except the pulse that thuds beneath Lukas' skin. "Everything that has been built up will crumble, and the things that I hold dear to me will slip through the gaps in my fingers to puddle at my feet."
"I'm tired," David says, his hands cupped as if he's holding water, or like something delicate is sitting on the tips of those pale, fragile fingers. Something he doesn't want to let go of.
"Then go to sleep," Lukas says, and David laughs gently, giving him a small kiss on the lips. Moving away quickly, because this is still new to him and he's hesitant; a butterfly with wrinkled new wings that's afraid of flying for the fall that's likely to come.
"That is not what I meant. Not tired in that sense, but tired more in the way that one gets when they can't seem to make up their mind, because gaining something new means losing the old." David says gently, although Lukas doesn't understand, because he doesn't know what David does, and even if he was to replace his eyes with David's own, switch their minds even, he still wouldn't be able to completely understand.
"You never answered me, back when I asked you what I meant to you," David sighs as he lays in bed with Lukas once more, hidden by the sultry silver light of the moon.
"Does it really matter now?" Lukas asks, tired and exasperated, but still so, so patient.
"Of course it matters," David replies, shuffling closer still so that his breath is right on the bump of Lukas' collar bone. "It matters because if I were to let you have your way, I want to know if you'll leave right after, or if you'll stay with me ... like they have."
"I can just tell you that I will," Lukas points out, his arms snaking around David to press him closer, because he's warm and comfortable and soft against him, and for once he gets to have him and not his imaginary friends. "I can tell you so that I can bed you, and then leave come light of morning, and leave you here with your clothes strewn about to bask in the light of my broken promise."
"But you won't do that," David hums after a moment. "Because if you had wanted to leave me you would have years ago. Isn't that so?"
"Maybe I wanted to fuck you first? Add another notch to my bedpost." Lukas sighs and tucks David's head further into his neck. "What brought this on suddenly?"
"I'm scared," David says, and there's no need to elaborate further.
"I won't hurt you, you know that."
David shakes his head, and there are tears in his blue eyes and they're soaking into Lukas' skin, but he can't wipe them away because the smaller body is pressed flush against him. "Not of pain. I'm not that pitiful yet. You don't understand what it's like to have something when you have no one. And then you get someone, but to keep them means forsaking everything that the something has given you and tossing them away."
"You're not forsaking anything. I'm sure they'll understand if you're happy with me." Lukas whispers. "There's no need to be so afraid of the future. You can fear it, and be wary of it, but it's useless to go through life unable to face away from the past, regardless of how comfortable it is."
"I know it is, but I still can't make myself believe that, because I know that one day you'll inevitably tire of me, and then where will I be when that day will come?" David says, and his voice is so small and fragile that it's a wonder he's not mute, because his voice sounds like it should have shattered and petered off long ago.
"I won't tire of you. If I made it through five years, then I'm sure I'll make it at least a hundred more." Lukas said. "David, if you aren't comfortable with this I'll wait. I told you I'll wait."
David shakes his head and kisses Lukas, and he's lost and confused and he's like the ocean, sweeping Lukas away in his confusion and Lukas can do nothing but kiss back and follow the current.
The sun is spilling in through the gap in the curtains and the first thing that Lukas is aware of is that the warmth that was nestled in his arms is gone. There is the gentle rustle of soft fabric as David hurriedly finds his clothes that are strewn on the ground and gets dressed quickly. Lukas can hear him padding around the room in a hurry before he's sprinting across the hallway and stumbling down stairs.
Lukas can hear him, fumbling with the lock on the back door, and he can hear it slam open, but not closed, and he clambers out of bed, tugging on his own pants and heading after the smaller male.
In the kitchen golden sunlight has replaced the sultry silver moonlight, falling in through blinds and across the granite counters and the tile backdrop that Lukas had done himself while David was out with his fairies, laughing and looking generally happy.
Lukas sighs, shaking his head and tearing his gaze away from the memories in favour of stepping outside and into the stillness of the shattered morning.
Before him the grass shines with pearls of dew and the trees cast shadows and sunlight on David's pale face as he looks up at the trees his fingers playing idly with the furled petals of still sleeping flowers. The sunshine is mottled and lacy and pretty in the shapes of the lazily swaying leaves, and it truly is a lovely morning as Lukas walks out and stands behind David.
"They're gone ... They're really gone, Lukas."
Lukas wraps his arms around David's shoulders and lays his chin on the crown of his head, feeling his damp lashes flutter against his skin as he blinks rapidly. "You knew that would happen didn't you? You were expecting this."
David sags against him, sighing heavily and he stops fighting the tears that are now sliding freely down his cheeks. "I know. But I guess some part of me hoped that ..."
"Hoped that you would still be able to see them?"
"Yeah," David breathes. "Exactly that. I didn't think that it would be quite this hard to part with them. I don't really know how to feel about all this. And you can't understand because you didn't believe in them in the first place."
"Do you regret this decision?"
"Regret? Maybe I do, but there's nothing that can be done. Regret won't turn back time, won't make me say no to you because I knew that I wouldn't be able to give myself to you entirely because that would mean losing them. Regret right now would be useless to me," David says softly.
Lukas pulls away and goes back inside, leaving David to sit outside and stare at the sky in a stupor or loss and even more confusion than he was in before.
Lukas can't help but wonder what expectations David had been holding, how he had wanted it to happen. Outside in the tall grasses with only the trees and the thorny rose bushes as their witnesses as those fairies bled away into the silence of the morning, or perhaps a four poster with a sheer canopy and honey lights that filtered through, dappling them with colour.
Or perhaps he wished for Lukas to steal him away, somewhere new and magical, where there were no fairies, or alternatively, more of them. Somewhere quiet and surrounded by the riches of the world, a sparkling backdrop as they made love on a soft bed with sheets that were embroidered with gold and silver, on silken sheets instead of worn cotton covers.
Whatever it had been it was gone now, tossed out the window, and into the wind along with the caution. Given up instead to dark, nothing but the moon and stars there to witness it.
The pale moonlight illuminated the scene in shades of gray, dying David's hair silver and his eyes to white as he arched and writhed and clung. He choked back all moans but Lukas' name, but even that was strangled and breathless and escaping on breathy sighs.
The dark green sheets that David had always been rather fond of are gripped in his hands, bunched around them. David pleads for more, just ... more, because he's desperate to forget what this will mean come morning, and he wants to lose himself in this feeling and never find his way back. Lukas complies, pressing deeper, deeper with a snap of his hips, and David's bare thighs clench around his naked and trembling waist, desperate for friction that's denied by the sheen of sweat.
And later, when David is quiet and still in his arms, Lukas will ask him why now.
David just sighs and closes his eyes. "Because I'm awake," he says, voice small and fragile and he's scared, but he's content, and whatever expectations he had, they were met as Lukas kisses him in an entirely new way; one that's thankful and sorry and full of a love that was previously hidden by the desperate need to just make him be quiet.
David kisses him back, clinging to him tightly like he might fall, even though there's nowhere to fall, as he is on his back on the bed with Lukas above him.
The empty jar is in David's hands and he stares at the emptiness, holding it up to the rising sun. "However with something lost, there is also something to be gained. Now I am free to bottle the colours of the sunrise in this jar, or fill it with wisps of the clouds, or trap a rainbow."
Lukas gathers the smaller male in his arms and nuzzles his cheek into the dark locks of his hair, sighing deeply into them and making David sigh in what he hoped was contentedness.
"There are endless possibilities for me now. And yet ... I don't know if anything I can do now will ever amount to what I had with them," David sighs, leaning back against Lukas and letting himself be held.
"Regardless of knowing or not knowing, whether you see it or you don't, it doesn't mean that it isn't really there, because it still exists," Lukas whispers in his ear, tightening his hold on the small, quivering body, letting David bury his face in his neck and cry softly.
Wasn't that special? I imagine that many people before me have written something similar to this in the past, but I wanted to try it, too. So I did. Probably not as good as anything else I've written, but I don't really care because I wrote this after I had a really horrible shift at work so I didn't really feel like editing it much.
So read and review and tell me how horribly I did. I won't bite you if you do, believe me.