A Dragon's Tail
Drago the Dragon reposed uneasily in his cave, trying not to listen to the Princess complaining as she did so long and so often.
"What is it with all of this treasure?," she asked. "What good does it do you?"
The Dragon shifted his massive bulk on top of his hoard, a vast pile of glittering jewels, gold, and priceless artifacts. He shrugged and muttered, "It's just in my nature to accumulate treasure.- -What creature can turn against its own nature?- -Besides, there's a recession on!- -You'll thank me when gas hits $5 a gallon!"
"Like I need the money?," countered the Princess. "I'm a PRINCESS!- -I already got money!- -I need STUFF!- -Where's my Mercedes, my big-screen plasma TV, my entourage of fair maidens to flaunt it all?"
"Lady, in case 'ya haven't noticed, this is a CAVE!," pointed out the dragon. "Most chicks would be happy to be able to roll around in all these jewels with a legendary creature at hand!"
"Well, where's my rescuer?," bitched the Princess. "My knight in shining armor, my Prince Charming? I ain't see no Saint George come ridin' around here to save me!"
"They might not like what they rescued," muttered the Dragon.
"WHAT DID YOU SAY?," screamed the Princess. Then she began working the Dragon over, as Princesses can do so well.
"You gotta eat more fruit!," declared the Princess. "And we need a bigger cave!"
Reeling from the unrelenting psychological assault, the Dragon put his head down, the only sign of his irritation trails of smoke starting to emanate from his nostrils and the corners of his enormous mouth. He had heard this lecture before, many times over. If not for this freakin' Princess, he could be flying over the countryside, breathing fire, laying waste to villages, and terrifying peasants! Drago missed the old days...he missed his male friends.- -God, he had FUN with them!
It was then that the Dragon achieved an epiphany. He looked deeply into the eyes of the Princess, and saw into her very soul. He gasped to see a circus there, complete with clowns, midgets, and freaks...and they were all carrying pitchforks, torches, and flamethrowers, and headed for HIM!
"And another thing!," continued the Princess, barely pausing for air. She never got to finish the sentence because the Dragon, his eyes opened, drew his head back and unleashed a devastating torrent of hellfire over the Princess, killing her instantly and baking her skin to a golden brown.
'Crispy on the outside, juicy on the inside!,' thought the Dragon as her devoured the flesh of the Princess and crunched her bones . For once, the Princess had nothing to say.- - Ding-dong, the witch was dead!
"Now that's what I call a satisfying relationship!," declared Drago as he licked his talons, unfurled his wings, and flew proudly from his cave to rejoin the boys at last...