It is easy to feel discomfort when someone is trying to be efficient with us. How can we tell that we are dispensing the same ill?
When you request something the other party does exactly what you have asked for word for word, makes the request overly complex, or puts if off until the last possible minute. In other words, they are not self-motivated to accomplish a task effectively.
Effectiveness- A measure of how well the process produces a "good" solution. Notice there is no minimization of time or effort as seen in the definition of efficiency. Investments of effort are essential to creating purpose and meaning.
Sometimes we are efficient without realization. However we can see examples of behavior reacting to this. Here is a very simple model.
Mother: "Please clean the dishes" (Please wash everything in the sink)
Word for word- Son: Cleans all the dishes but ignores the pots and pans
Complexity- Son: Cleans with wash cloth, then sponge, then toothbrush
Procrastinate- Son:"I'll do it tomorrow."
Other people and other situations can be substituted in the model. And though other behavioral responses have been noted (ignoring the request), these three seem to be the most common ones.
After defining core, one of the electrons of change should be this tendency of efficiency toward people. The way of an efficient solution to an effective one is built from understanding self, relationships, patience and respect. Oftentimes an efficient situation occurs when someone is older in age, holds higher social status, holds a higher office, etc. Too often we let fame, fortune, or experience go to our heads.
People are social mirrors. We only listen to people who listen. We respect only the people who respect us. The most dangerous disillusion that we can take on is the belief that the world owes us recognition for our efforts because of the amount of time we have spent living.
The world doesn't owe anything. We are here by either chance or circumstance, but certainly not by choice. But here we are, for better or for worse. It has dealt us a hand of cards, and we might as well make the most of it.
In a world obsessed with speed, I think it is important to pause for a moment to think about methodology, solutions, quality, effort, and outcomes. I think it is important to realize and define our own rose-colored glasses before jumping to conclusions and judging the color of other people's perceptions. And I think it is important to be truthful to self and other people. We are interacting on a plane that is sliding toward virtual rather than face to face. And anonymity is powerful in letting some become monstrous and egotistical.
I will admit that sometimes I surprise myself with my online persona. We desire to be noticed, to say something extraordinary, to steal the spotlight for a moment. But the essence of instant notoriety is not as important as we make it out to be. Yip Man, the teacher of Bruce Lee once asked a student, "You think I'm a good fighter? Do you think you can defeat me? No? How about in fifteen years? In fifteen years even a young child will be able to break one of my bones without much effort... What is more important to you, having dinner with a loved one or winning a fight?"
Relationships built on truth and trust are far too important to be obscured by money, time, winning, ego, etc.
"If you want love than make it." If you want great memories then build them. Tell someone you love that you are proud of their achievements, that you admire their gall. Tell someone that you will be their rock in a storm. Ask someone about their opinion and listen. Assure someone that they, along with their demons, are important; at least to you. And ask if that counts for something.
If they smile and you feel something warm, this someone is important. For reasons that are beyond what can be said they are important. This alone should be enough for a silent "yes" to mean everything.
Author's note to self: I want to be epic, comical, outrageous, and silly to cartoonish proportions. But when it comes down to the wire, I want to be truthful and humbled above all else. I want to have to courage to listen, to love, to admit my faults, and to believe in somebody else. I will search for elegant creative solutions, knowing that compromise is sub-optimal. And through patience, I will believe in efficacy over efficiency to grasp the sublime and fantastic.
Through thick or thin, this is who I will be. I hope you can live with that.