I saw a quote from tumblr that got my attention. It was dumb for me, well, not dumb but, I don't get it. And it got me inspired to write this story. It said,
"Suicide isn't cowardly. I'll tell you what's cowardly; treating people so badly they want to end their lives."
I mean, even if people treat you so fucking bad, doesn't mean you can just end your life right then and there. Look Around You...
Jay looked out the rooftop, feet dangling from her seat at the edge. Her mind was a blur as tears spilled from her eyes.
"What are your thoughts on Suicide?" a voice asked.
She turned around, startled and hastily wiping at her face. There, an old man stood by the other end of the rooftop. "What did you say?"
He chuckled, "If you're gonna commit suicide, I won't stop you."
"What do you mean?"
"Tell me your story." he said, ignoring her questions.
She sighed, "Why should I, there's no point."
"Fine, old man."
"My name is Mr. Ayase, Yuuto Ayase."
"Fine, Mr. Ayase," she agreed, "I'm the only daughter of my parents. At five, my father had started...molesting me." she sniffed, tears once again forming in her eyes. "I tried telling my mother when I turned ten but she wouldn't believe me, saying things like, 'it's your fault', 'you're a mistake in this family', and other things. I always thought I can run to her when I had problems, because during my childhood she was always there to defend me from everything."
"Continue, I know there's more." the old man said, his deep blue eyes like the ocean piercing through her soul.
She hiccuped, but never-the-less continued, "At thirteen, when even my friends started avoiding me, I started cutting myself."
"Why would you do that?"
"So I wouldn't feel the pain of being left alone and being tortured like that."
"I see." he said, "Would you still commit suicide?"
"There's nothing left for me here."
"Are you sure?"
She turned to him, holding tightly to the ledge for support, "...What do you mean, old man?"
"Look around you..." he started, "What do you see?"
She turned back to the ledge, her eyes scanning the surroundings. She looked down, seeing people walking in tuxes and some casual, it was night time, some people were drunk, there were even hobos asking for some alms. She sighed then turned back to the old man. "I see tall buildings, I see people, all of them suffering from their own problems. As if I didn't know that. So what if they suffer as well as I do? They have the option of ending their lives too."
"Was it fun in this hospital?"
She raised a brow, "What do you mean?"
"Did you meet someone that doesn't think you're useless?"
She looked down and thought, "Well...yeah." she said, a ghost of a smile on her lips, "There's Jimmy."
The old man sighed. "Then taking your life is not an option."
"Then, what do you think I should do?" she furrowed her brows.
Her eyes closed, one lone tear escaping from her eye. "I'm so tired."
"Everyone is." he said, slowly approaching her side of the ledge. "In our world, nobody is happy with their life. And as long we have wants and needs, nobody will ever be. It's a sad truth and we have to live with it."
"Then why struggle when you know you can never truly get that happiness?" she said as she gripped the ledge tighter, her knuckles turning white.
"Because if you believe in yourself and struggle for yourself, doing it for you, you'll find what you're looking for." he said, "Because deep in each person's heart, there's a will that says they want to see their rainbow at the end of the rain..."
She sobbed, raising her leg back and standing. She looked up, the sky full of dark clouds and unseeable stars, Looks like it's gonna rain. She thought. Then, she jumped back, on the rooftop floor, following the old man's advice of struggling. When she turned around though, he was gone.
She wiped her tears, running back inside the hospital and asking the first nurse she saw, "Do you know what room Mr. Ayase stays in?"
The nurse gasped, her eyes wide and frightened. "Sweetie, Mr. Ayase...he died, a few months ago." she said, gulping, "He committed suicide in this very building."
She gasped, "What?" she started pacing, how can that be? "Why?" she demanded.
The nurse then calmed down, "His family abandoned him after his wife died, saying there's no use for him. It was awful, he cried, pleaded them not to go, but they did." she said, her head down, "I think he never wanted to take his life. He was so happy in this hospital, telling jokes and stories to all the patients, whether they be young and old. I think it was just his time, that's why he did that." the nurse said as she started walking away.
Jay muttered a small thanks, and started walking back to her shared room where Jimmy also stayed, she smiled. Jimmy had the same case as she did. And maybe, just maybe, if she struggled a bit, she would be able to see her own rainbow."
Isn't that sad? I had the urge to use Yuuto Ayase because I was watching this anime named Nogizawa Haruka no Himitsu.
And for those people that don't get it, suicide, for me, is cowardly. Even if people make you feel that bad, doesn't mean you should end your life. I mean, look around you, some people may even be treated worse than you are. Like I said, you should struggle and wait until the rain is gone, so you could see that rainbow that you've been wanting to see. :)
SAY NO TO SUICIDE, BABY! ;) Remember, struggle is the key word.
Hope you enjoyed this small oneshot. Please review!